Tuesday 15 May 2012

Crushed Petals....

Fear, guilt, anger, frustration, pain, hate and above all helplessness....these assorted and jumbled feelings numbed their existence. In some cases, multiple times, repeatedly they went through the trauma. Devastated & shattered they suffered those nightmares alone.
'Satyamev Jayate' gave few of them a chance to open up their heart. The show startled many of us by highlighting the huge percentage of Child sex abuse victims. Yes, in India, almost every second child unfortunately goes through this trauma.

That day I heard somewhere which was quoted on a funny note "We are descendants of monkeys....but the problem is that still we have not stopped descending!!". On a serious tone this is so true...those pedophiles have descended far below the human level.....just that these sickos roam around freely in our society in the garb of a human face. SMJ tried to negate many myths involving CSA. Those who are in blog world might have already been aware of the facts behind these CSA myths through well penned posts during CSA Awareness Month. But for rest of the people it was indeed an eye-opener. I am sure there would be many parents who are not comfortable with 'sex education' of their kids must have been  shuddered with the horrifying tales of the victims in that show.

We need to understand that nor are the CSA victims from any different world neither the abusers. Here at this platform now I can also admit being a CSA victim once. I was never able to muster the courage to tell anyone about it that time. But why?...I shared a very open relationship with my parents especially with my dad. Even then I never opened up with him about this matter. I gave subtle hints but they went unnoticed. So, you see it is not only healthy & open relationship with your kids that would help but you have to be observant about their  body language & changed patterns of behaviour as well. Communicate, be aware & come out of your shell of ignorance. Those scars maul the soul of the child which they carry throughout their life...I might have escaped with a bruise but everyone is not so lucky. However memories of those incidents still leaves sour taste in my persona. 

Today SG told me that they were discussing episodes of SMJ in his office when one of his colleagues said that  "Man, What this Amir Khan is serving as Sunday Brunch, they are showing too much reality, It is so depressing. These cases are only there in newspapers...He could have chosen some other theme for his show". Poor man, I think his taste of reality show is limited only to Big Boss or Splitsvilla!! This mindset of 'ostrich in the storm' would only keep up the spirit of heinous monsters. We can always be in our La-la land and believe that it can never happen to our kids but would that make the issue disappear!! 

One very important quote mentioned in the show was "Respect the behaviour, not the age". This can be quite a controversial statement in reference our Indian Culture. But I  personally support its validity.

But the most important point which was raised  in SMJ was that CSA should be considered as a crime and strict laws should be there to punish those pedophiles. Whoa!!!...can you believe that it is still not there in our law books and this bill is yet pending ( lying in dust) in Rajyasabha.

I can continue to pour my disgust on this issue endlessly but ending here quoting Amir Khan:


I’d like to leave you with a thought: perhaps the more closed or narrow minded we are about sexuality, the more repressed it gets, and then it manifests itself in ugly ways. I’m hoping that as a society in time we will reach a stage where we are not frightened of our sexuality. Rather, we learn to deal with it in a dignified, open, responsible and healthy manner.
Amir Khan conducted this workshop in the show and it is developed by Dr. Bhushan Shukla

17 comments:

  1. Very well written Nibedita and can't agree with you more. I was stunned for the entire 1 hour 30 minutes and here we think we live in a 'civilized' society. What's even more shocking is that in the 4 cases which were discussed in detail... 3 culprits were relatives/close family friends. Sick.

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    1. Yeah these so called 'sickos' need to be thrashed publicly....

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  2. Hugs, Nibedita!!!! Hugs! Yes, it is easy to break the silence but very very hard to explain and understand how other respond and how hard it is to live with it...it is not easy and how hard it is when others invalidate you...hugs, Nivedita!!! Glad you can write about it openly. Yes, it is depressing but so many of us live it, don't we?

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    1. Thanx....well said...yeah I am happy that i can write about it now...feel much relieved :-)

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  3. My first time here,came via Bhavana's blog.

    you have put it very nicely. I could not help adding some of my thoughts here.

    I hope many parents did not change the channel when they heard about the topic!
    Yes, we are a society which refuses to look at serious issues that deal with young children’s minds.
    I recall a fine writer “Gnani” Sankaran who wrote a series of articles in a popular Tamil weeky. He was elaborating about good –touch bad touch etc, and also how young girls and boys should be aware of their bodies. He was putting it forward in a very clear and educative way. Before he could go forwards, there was a furore. And the weekly had to stop his column abruptly. That was a blot of Tamil magazine culture.
    When we bring up children in a free atmosphere , wherein a girl can discuss freely with her Dad about herself, I would say we have arrived.
    All children are not communicative, it is the parent who have to be alert and ask questions and try to get responses. As mothers I can say that we all know at our hearts when our children mood change and how they are actually feeling sad/happy/withdrawn. The parents should ask questions and if necessary consult a good psychologist.

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    1. Hey welcome here... :-)

      so true...we shy away from it and eventually confuse the kids who feel embarrassed to discuses these issues when needed.

      Ohh...that sankaran episode is so sad...even Amir Khan'show is under scanner now what i heard :-(

      Keep visiting my blog :-)

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  4. I agree with you.. i watched that episode.. hats off to those people who have managed to leave those horrifying incidents behind and are trying to move ahead in life.. n yes.. even some people in my social circle say that SMJ is a very "depressing" show and they would rather not watch it.. I just feel so sorry for such people who do not want to or have the courage to face "real" reality and wish to live in their hypothetical world where everything goes well...

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    1. Ohhh...you can find those ostriches every where :-)Better let them watch "Rakhi ka swayambar" :-D

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  5. I watched the episode too.. it was heart wrenching to see the pain some had undergone as children... I had tears welled up for each story.. as you said, its like an eye opener for most of the Indians.. loved your last para... :)

    Being a CSA victim myself, I would say teach kids to communicate and then as a parent, look out for the signs proactively. Also, Respect the behaviour, not the age is another key thing we need to learn and teach our kids too..

    very well written N :)

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    1. Thanx GB for liking the post... :-)

      Even U were a victim ???

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    2. I wont say, I was harassed on a continuous basis... but there were multiple times, I was touched at wrong places.. by random ppl as well as by people I believed so much.. I was abused by one of my relatives... I could never go to my parents though they were very open minded.. I had difficulty telling them though... :(

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  6. Hugs GB...in my case also I somehow never able to tell my parents....and they were also very unsuspecting kind of people who believed that neighbour...

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  7. yeah! I too landed on your page from Bhavana's page. And feel lucky to have never been through CSA... a protecting momma was always around me by Almighty!

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    1. Welcome here :-)

      That's so good to never face that ugly side of life...sometimes parents are so unsuspecting about the abuser....

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  8. Very very well written Nibedita. I haven't watched this episode but I just can't agree more to whatever you have written. And as Amir says, its time for us to deal with topics like sex, abuse in a better way instead of getting frightened or ashamed of it..

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    1. Glad that you agree to it:)Watch the episode on youtube.

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