This year on the Mother's Day for the first time I would standing on the other side of fence...yes my first Mother's Day as a mom!!!
Mishti would be one year old soon ( 18 days left!!) and this one year passed as the most happening and significant year of my life. Learned so many things, unlearned many behaviours, discovered a completely different side of mine throughout this year as I sailed with Mishti on the journey of motherhood.
In my case, pregnancy and delivery was as smooth as hot knife passes through butter. But the real test commenced after that. All alone to handle that 3 month old made me a "Real Mom". Initial days were quite testing and sleeping continuously for 4 hours was a luxury for me. I am not embarrassed to confess that many times I just felt like running away from everything to Himalayas or simply say 'I am not gonna play this game' like we used to say as kids while playing with friends. I know it sounds really horrible feeling for a mom while ideally I should have been mushy and cuddly with my bundle of joy. But it is the fact I am talking about. After working for 6 long years I willingly took the decision to be a SAHM. Decision was tough and the change took its own time to get synced with my system. It was hard to adjust with so many changes simultaneously : soiled nappies, breast-feeding, sleepless days & nights, post delivery low phase, the emptiness which I felt after leaving my job, my health issues....list is long.
Does it all sounds like cribbing...no it is not. I admit that sometimes I do miss those Pre-Mishti days but I really cherish my life with Mishti as well. I may not be a perfect mom but yes, I have my own criterion of being a "Real Mom". I might not fit into typical stereotyped mother figure and some of my parenting style even raises eyebrows of many people.
I may not fuss or get stressed if Mishti shows her disinterest in food & wants only milk every time for consecutive days.
I am Okay if she is crawling on the lawn grass just because she enjoys this activity a lot.
I do not blame myself if someday her routine gets upset for any reasons and her bath & meal time is delayed a bit.
But I freak out if any workmen of my FIL's shop try to take her in lap or play with her... I know they are loyal and had been associated with our family for so many years, but still I do not feel comfortable...that's it.
I feel bad if she picks up any bad habit and feel utterly responsible for that
So, you see my notions are very peculiar about parenting. I may not be a typical parent but now I know the feeling when people say 'having a kid is like letting a part of yourself roam outside your body'. I get scared for her when I see any so called breaking news crime involving small kids. I feel superb when I see that naughty spark in her eyes. I feel contented when she rushes to me leaving everyone else. I love being a mom....yes a 'Real Mom'.