Sweet Dreams

SWEET DREAMS

Sukanto Ghosh** still remembers those days when he braved the scorching sun while balancing big bags of ready-made garments & Bengali Taant saree on his Vespa scooter. Even after visiting almost 8-10 houses of his acquaintances, barely one or two items were sold and sometimes that too on credit.

"Dada…This Saree is so lovely, I want to wear it on Durgasthami…but errr…you can understand this is pre-Durga Puja month…I would pay the money next month!" But it is a Pre-Durga Puja month for his family as well, Sukanto screamed in his mind. He also needs the additional money to cover the festive expenses which comes as the meager profit of his garment business apart from his limited salary whose major chunk vanishes to pay off the EMI of his Government flat.

I had known him since long as my friend’s father but became familiar with him only after my marriage. However, soon I realized that there is more to his visibly ordinary persona clad in equally ordinary Kurta-pajama most of the times. During last seven years, I have always seen him devoted or in better words submerged neck deep in his work only. Today, his work – his business- his passion has helped him to upgrade his financial strata to the prosperous class of society. But, it had never been like this always. He had seen adverse days of his life. Those days…. which forced him to dream big. He knows how it feels to strangle one’s desires just because the monetary part is not supportive enough. He can never forget the struggle which he and his wife faced to provide a decent upbringing to their kids.

Other than the garment business, he also started creating wall decors made of plaster of Paris. He sold them to cover up the loss incurred in his garment business. But, that also turned out to be a flop show. His wife constantly stood beside him in his struggle. She tried to augment the family income with her singing shows in AIR. Both the partners left no stones unturned to bring that additional money to their family which can afford them the small luxuries of life. He slogged himself in extra shifts in his Telephone set manufacturer company and somehow managed to run those additional small- time side businesses for years.

Sukanto conceived this idea of establishing a food joint/sweet shop in those days when neither his means nor his financial condition actually backed up the plan. It was there as a passionate dream lying in some corner of his mind. He felt too shy to discuss it with anyone else in case they mock him.

While boarding his office bus one day, he noticed that vacant house standing in the corner of the row. After observing for many more days, he knew that this is the place where he can actually shape up his dream venture. But, suddenly he realized that with his depleted savings and pending financial responsibilities, it is idiotic to even think of buying that property.However, he still enquired about the owner of that property. Months passed by but he had no clue how he can initiate his first step towards his dream. Apart from running on the daily grind of life countless thoughts remained clouded in his mind.

"From where can I accumulate the preliminary capital amount to launch this business? I don’t have any ancestral property to sell off! If I start this venture, I have to devote all my time in it…..then what would happen to my job? If I leave my job and this project also follows the fate of the previous businesses, then how can I come out of that failure? I have already completed five decades of my life…in late fifties, isn’t it too late to launch any new business."

Apprehensions, inhibitions, uncertainty flooded his mind all the time. But, more he thought about it, more he was able to relate with his own passion to launch the assignment. He spilled the beans to his wife who heard him patiently. Like always, she promised her support and asked him to keep faith in Almighty. But, even God helps those who helps themselves…Sukanto thought in his mind.

By the beginning of this 21^st century, when technology boom engulfed the telecom sector with the launch of mobile phones, he knew that his employers would not be able to keep pace with the changing demand of the market with their redundant thought process and reluctance to lay their hands on manufacturing of mobile phone handsets. Sukanto was able to visualize the downfall of his company.  "This is the time’… his heart yelled…either now or NEVER!" He applied for VRS (Voluntary Retirement Scheme) in a jiffy. After days of vexing trysts with various valuators ( who evaluated  his present house as well as that property which he wanted to buy), random government officials he somehow managed to sell-off his own house and buy that particular property which topped in his wish list.

Now, the actual field research part boggled his mind. Those who were already established in this business were not ready to divulge any trade secrets with him. "I have to rely on my observing capacity & hunch feeling only…nobody is helping me with any information" Sukanto told his wife. His wife suggested that opening a Sweet shop specializing in Bengali Sweets in this city of North India might act as the USP of their business. Soon, he was able to track down some karigars specialized in making sweets…Bengali sweets.

Within a month he sent out invitation of the launch of his ‘Ghosh Sweets’ to all his relatives, neighbors, friends, critics, enemies. Unsolicited crticism started pouring in to his household.

"Have you lost your mind!...Starting a business at this age(late fifties)!You should have invested the retirement amount appropriately in some mutual funds. The interest amount would have been sufficient for your family.Have you ever thought how you would repay the loan you have taken for your elder son’s studies in case this shop falls flat on its face!!Bengali’s are not shrewd enough to earn profit from a business!!"

I saw him in the inauguration ceremony of his shop.With a serene smile he welcomed all and it seemed that he had determined to thrust the negativity back with his optimistic approach to the life. He was well aware of the huge risk he has taken which has almost bargained his family’s future.But, he was dogged to prove everyone wrong. His wife took over the administration, supervision and quality control part of the shop while he ventured out in the market to acquire raw materials and bulk orders.Almost single-handedly as a unit, both of them worked to establish and join the bits and pieces of their dream which now does not seem as impractical as it appeared few years back.

Now, almost a decade has passed since the establishment was launched. He toiled day & night to develop his business.Being the cynosure of everyone’s eye his successful business now boasts of his relentless hard work. Sukanto Ghosh – my Father-in-law live to the fact that ‘Your dreams come true only when you act to turn them into realities!'

I wish to get my story published in Chicken Soup for the Indian Entrepreneurs Soul in association with BlogAdda.com

**Name has been changed for privacy reasons

V = Virtual World

Virtual World – this is the place which has been my breathing window since last few years. Albeit, being a Computer Applications graduate I was introduced to emails and chatting in late nineties. But, those days the affordability of internet was a big factor and usage of internet was through dial-in packs of HCL & other private service providers. I still remember the initial excitement of checking emails and using Google search. Chipping in a li’l confession here – I even chatted in chat rooms with anonymous identity!

 Then, the fizz evaporated in next few years but like everyone else I also got introduced to the virtual socio circle with Orkut. After getting used to posting scraps and writing testimonials, I found a new addiction in Facebook.

Initially my favorite activity in FB was to search for various school & college friends with whom I have lost touch in real world and connecting with them via social media. FB also helped me to bond better with my n number of cousins. Yeah… I have lots of maternal first cousins whom I have met only once or twice in real life but our chemistry just clicked like anything in virtual world. We have a closed group in FB called ‘Bonded with Love’ and sometime we just chill out while having ‘adda’ via FB.

I also got addicted to various social games that FB offered and has been a passionate virtual farmer who played Farmville diligently while waking up in middle of night to harvest crops or feed animals. I even asked my hubby once to feed the pet dog in my farm while I am at work so that it does not runs away. I even found many like minded people who played these games and we traded gifts, fertilizers etc like maniacs. However, I stopped playing it once my li’l one was born…nevertheless my whole house generally looked like some farm by then!

As far as Twitter was concerned, I was quite reluctant to join it. Actually I was not able to comprehend the basics of Twitter till lately. However, finally I joined the band wagon. Although being an infrequent visitor there, I participated in few contest of Twitter. And whoa….I managed to win one sling bag, one t-shirt, one copy of ‘Those Pricey Thakur Girls by Anuja Chauhan’ and few vouchers!. But, honestly, I found it very taxing…it literally kills all your time. So, now I log into my twitter account just to know the news trends.

Another important aspect of virtual world which is a part of me now is blogging. I entered the blogging world a couple of years back (I know it is quite late), after my kid was born. I started as mommy blogger but soon my blog became a media to vent out my opinions, views & thought on everything under the sun. I made some good friends in this blogging world. I know them through their blogs and feel like knowing them since childhood. I evolved my parenting knowledge through so many parenting blogs and somehow give them the credit of helping me to bring up a kid in nuclear family setup. This blogging world gave me the exposure to so many novel aspects of life. When I made up my mind to participate in this A2Z challenge, I never thought that I can survive till the end, but now when almost it is nearing end I have started pondering about how I would miss the enthusiasm. I  feel so good to know so many diverse bloggers through this challenge and hope to keep in touch with them even after this marathon is over.

So, this is my tryst with virtual world..What about yours?

  

Selfless Soldier

As a school kid we found him scary – with thick moustache covering almost half of his face and big rolling eyes, he managed to create that aura in his personality which actually his profession required. He was the watchman – chowkidar – guard who took his position near the gate of Girls Degree College since many years. Our school was situated just opposite to that college. I saw him relentlessly present on his duty every day since I was in kindergarten.  He shooed away the school kids with his loud voice, who loitered in front of that college gate apart from shouting on the cycle rickshaw pullers who jostled to get customers from the college. We called him Muchhad (a typical slang used for a person with big moustache).

This incident happened when I was in Class 10^th. It was the first day of our school’s summer vacation; however the college was still open. Our batch was called to school to attend some extra classes. By the time, we came out after our classes around 2PM; the road in front of our school was deserted with hardly few people around. Among those people, there were few boys in their early twenties who were seen regularly wandering in front of that girl’s college with malicious intentions. They didn’t even spared schoolgirls and always searched for triggers to enter into a fistfight with the boys of our school. They sketched opportunities to vent out their perversion – Stalking, hooting, whistling and sometimes even dared to grope few girls.

I would not dilute their heinous behavior by calling them eve-teasers or road side Romeos, but they were assaulters – who assaulted girls psychologically and physically without any shame. That time, we have already heard from grapevine that some ugly incident has happened few days back. A girl has mustered courage to confront them when she was assaulted and even slapped one of the hooligans. This gave guts to other girls and they managed to scare those guys enough to leave from that place instantly before the college administration stepped into the issue. For next few days, those guys never turned up.

But, on that particular day, I saw those guys waiting like hawks on their bikes. Next I saw a bunch of girls coming out from that college. Suddenly, a bike with three people sitting on it zipped in front of them, forcing them to halt. One of those guys took out a dagger and held it closely near that girl’s neck who has slapped them. Other girls stepped back in fear. The other pillion rider guy leaped in the scene with a bottle of acid in his hand. We were dumbstruck with the fearful intensity of the happenings which has numbed our senses and transformed us into mute spectators.

That creep was about to open that Acid bottle when out of sudden Muchhad jumped into the scene. He started shouting hysterically and hit the guy with the lone weapon in his hand – his stick. He dropped the Acid bottle with the blow which broke into pieces with a sizzling sound and splash of acid all over the ground. Muchhad continued to hit that guy with his stick. By this time, the first guy left the girl and attacked Muchhad to save his friend. He stabbed him with his dagger on his arm twice and all three of them beat a retreat from the scene hastily. I returned to my senses with my fellow classmates shouting and running inside the school for help. Soon, many people from both the college & school rushed to the spot for help where Muchhad was bleeding profusely but still in his senses. He was taken to nearby hospital and his wounds almost took a month to heal. He joined back his duty afterwards and was felicitated by the college management.

Whenever I passed thorough that road even after graduating from the school, I made sure to catch a glimpse of that altruistic person. Few years back, during my visit to my hometown, I searched for him again but found a new face in his place. My niece, who studies in the same school, told me that Muchhad died few months back.

Although this incident took place almost couple of decades back but still today I salute that selfless soldier who never gave a second thought before jumping into the crime scene. Even the fact that those guys were armed was not able to deter his action. His mind only raced & reacted to save that girl whose face & body could have been charred by that acid. His quick reaction and presence of mind not only averted that ugly incident but even managed to draw attention to the shoddy safety measures implanted by management & government for school & college students. He could have remained silent, He could have just been a mere spectator, but his soldier instinct compelled him to act without even caring for his own well-being. Although he was not educated enough, but his action has proven his mettle to the world.

This post is a part of #Soldierforwomen in association with BlogAdda.com

N = Name Saga

After zipping through the A to Z challenge almost over the half-mark, when N came across, I have to write about my name which incidentally starts with N.

No, in case if you have guessed something, it is not about how I got this name. My dad gave me this name as he liked it…no fancy story attached to it. However, as a kid I never liked my name. I still remember when I was in Class 6^th; I gave my dad the option of changing my name to Neha or Nisha which was obviously turned down instantly!

I hated the fact that no one was able to pronounce my name correctly. Carrying a Bong name in northern belt of India is quite difficult.  I had heard so many versions of my name that it has ceased to amuse me now.  The most common assumption was that it would spell with a ‘V’ instead of ‘B’. Do you remember how Vidya Balan has to interrupt every time in the movie Kahaani when Bongs called her Bidya instead of Vidya…in my case it was vice-versa. Few inquisitive ones doubted my spelling capability and insisted that it has to be ‘Nivedita’ instead of ‘Nibedita’. I had to explain them that Bengali language has no sound like ‘V’ sound…it is either B or Bh.

In school, I heard so many variations of my name in terms of spelling & pronunciation from teachers & fellow students; it ranged from Nivedita, Nebidita, Nibidita, Nibodita, Nebudita and so on!! The college pals were smarter and they shortened it to ‘Nibz’. I felt so relaxed, it was definitely better than to hear twisted sound of your own name!

I can recall one incident, when I was in Class 12^th and appearing for board exams. For viva-voce, we had to face external examiners. I was so terrified in my Physics practical exam. The examiner asked my name. When I told him, he asked its meaning might be to break the ice….I told him that it means ‘dedicated’…He asked immediately, ‘To whom’? I had no answer ready for it so I just said ‘to God’….and he gave me broad smile. The Viva went very well after that.

My office colleagues started with Nibedita but I was rechristened as ‘Nibbo’ or ‘Nibey’ soon. My bosses preferred to call me with last name only. However, while handling overseas client calls it was a mammoth task to tell my name to them and ninety percent of time I had to spell it with phonetic sounds. So, it would sound somewhat like:

I login into a conference call which is spread across various geographic locations of world.

Hi, this is Nibedita Bose from India, site ABC, Operations.

I am sorry, who is there from India??

This is Nibedita….N as in Nancy, I as in India, B as in Bravo, E as in Echo, D as in Delta, I as in India, T as is Tango and A as in Alpha…..and yeah the last name is B as in Bravo, O as in Oscar, S as in Sierra and E as in Echo……..Hmpffff!!! (I always ensured after this to check whether the person on other side was still alive or not!!!)

Another fact with my name is that, I had retained my maiden surname. But, there were many instances when people assumed my last name to be my hubby’s surname. When we applied for my daughter’s birth certificate it came with my name as ‘Nibedita Ghosh’ instead of ‘Bose’, when asked they said that they thought we have mistakenly filled up the form with different surname, so corrected it!!

Many of my office colleagues congratulated me through SmS, after my daughter’s birth. Few of the messages were like: Congrats, Mr. & Mrs. Bose! I didn’t know how to pass on those congratulations to nonexistent Mr. Bose though!

Till now, I have faced so many goof ups about my last name that now a day, I keep my marriage certificate handy for any kind of paperwork involved in Banks or any other offices.

When it was time to christen my daughter, we raked internet to search for a contemporary but easy to pronounce name….the only criteria my in- laws requested that if it can have somewhat related to God. After an extensive search and rejecting almost hundreds of names, we pinned it down to ‘Ishaani’, hoping that it is not easily twisted as my name was.

So, what is your Name’s story?
P.S: After my Teen years, I started liking my name and I love it absolutely now :)

M = Myths

Few days back I observed a bunch of little girls playing /chatting in our housing complex lawn. Suddenly while getting up one girl's forehead brushed with another's head......the first girl was about to leave when the second girl called her back. "we need to collide our heads once again otherwise we would get horns (Seeng)on our head!!!!". 

This was funny but even I used to believe it as a kid!! So, what all I can recollect from my memory here are few myths which I believed to core as a kid. I am still not sure how I learnt these myths because my 'Thama' (grand mom) was way too progressive to believe in these lines and my mom also never taught me about them...might be possible from school mates I got these ideas!!

(Disclaimer: All the myths & remedies mentioned below are folklore ...believe them or implement them at your own risk.This post is meant for humor only, and not to offend anyone's religious or spiritual beliefs & sentiments)

Myth 1: One time head/fore head collision can result in eruption of horns from your forehead.

Remedy: Collide it again...Yes I am serious, we used to do this deliberately!

Myth 2: Do not pluck leaves or flowers after sun-set...or for that matter Do not touch the tree/plant at all.'Bhoot(Ghost)' will not spare you...mind it!!!

Remedy: Even if you have done this unknowingly just pray to the 'Tree GOD' for forgiveness. Now, I realize this must have been spread across in earlier days in villages to avoid people from inhaling Carbon di-oxide which plants release after sunset. And like any other custom it just got downloaded in present times without any logic.

Myth 3: If someone is sitting or lying do not cross over them. It stops their height growth. (Considering my vertically challenged figure, I am damn sure that the crowd which gathers for 'Kumbh Mela' at my hometown must have crossed over me while I was sitting!!!)

Remedy: Cross again but this time from opposite side!

Myth 4: Do not touch feet if anyone is sleeping or lying...it symbolical to touching feet of a dead body!!

Remedy: I do not know...but yes this one was followed in my family and we used to get lot scolding if done.

Myth 5: If you happen to touch any stuff related to studies ( books, pens, pencils, eraser....) with your feet or for that matter if any of these fall to ground , you would surely get a blot in your academic career!!

Remedy: Pick it up touch it with you forehead and kiss it. I follow this still today as was told once as kid that actually Goddess Saraswati ( Goddess of learning & education) resides in all these items.

Myth 6: Snakes do come out and start dancing (not like Chikni Chameli but just swaying their hood!!!) if that particular 'Been' (musical instrument) is played. The credit of this belief goes to movie 'Nagina' where Sridevi who was actually a 'Nagin'(snake) danced like inebriated person every time the tune was played.

Remedy: Run away from that place where this tune is played!!

Myth 7: If you see a funeral procession, always put palm of your hand to your head till the time it is not out of sight. I am not sure what happens if we fail to follow this one.

Remedy: I don't know.

Myth 8: Never throw any discarded stuff from you body like used bandage/cotton, bunch of you hair unattended outside. Might be this was a way to teach hygiene actually.

Remedy: Spit on it and then throw ( Huh...here goes hygiene out of window!!!)

Myth 9:Do not touch anyone with broom, especially small kids. They lose weight and become thin.

Remedy: Not sure, but just don't do it. I am sure this must have been said for hygiene reasons. (Also, seeing my over-weight body structure, it clearly means, I should get broom- beating everyday two times, like some medicine dosage!!)

This is what I can remember for now...would surely add on if can recollect more!! But honestly, feeling very nice as I walk through my childhood days in my mind while writing this post.

So, What myths you all know or follow....write about it...it is fun!

I = Indiscipline

My previous post talked about my hometown – Allahabad. I am continuing my complain spree about the city. Indiscipline or simply lack of civic & common sense is rushing in the blood veins of the local residents.

I would not reiterate the horrendous way of driving people has adapted here. Traffic rules, traffic sign and indicators of vehicles act as mere showpieces. The person who is driving in front of you can suddenly decide to turn either left or right or even stop at the middle of the road. After this he would even stare you for your ignorance about reading his mind regarding the turn of his vehicle. This terrible driving sense is common in many other parts of India as well.

But here, I want to highlight a different issue which I came across. I went to withdraw money from the Automatic Teller Machine placed in our local market place in Allahabad. I saw a small crowd at the gate of the ATM. From the glass door, I could see more than required number of people inside hovering over the screen of that ATM. I thought that it might have got dysfunctional and turned back to leave from there. My dad was accompanying me. He asked me the reason of hasty retreat and then said this machine is perfectly fine and this is a common scenario in almost every ATM of Allahabad.

No queues….people jostling to enter the cubicle…..apart from the person who is operating his/her account in that machine, there would be many other random people lurking on his/her head. Few are actually waiting for their chance but I was startled when a couple of boys told me that they are just chilling off  as there is an Air-conditioner switched on. I was not able to digest this indiscipline at all…and promptly rushed to the branch of the bank situated next to the ATM. I put forward my complain to one of Customer service representative who looked at me as if I had asked him to take off his clothes!!.
Then, after sometime when he understood what I am saying, he sent a security guard to shoo off the unwanted people from that ATM. It worked for exactly 5.86 minutes and the situation went back to square one after that. I had altercation with couple of people when I insisted on forming a queue and then entering the cubicle alone. They blamed me of wasting their precious time!!

I can never ever imagine of this kind of indiscipline and chaos in Gurgaon, not even in older part of the city. I have seen many unmanned ATM as well where no one has to prompt anybody to form a queue but people by default wait for their turn standing outside the ATM.

What can I call it….Allahabad’s typical nonchalant attitude which resists any new change to its core!

H = Hometown

Allahabad .....My hometown....my birthplace....a small city of Eastern Uttar Pradesh where I had spent almost 24 years of my life. Most people in India & across the world know about this city for MahaKumbh festival. I would not dig deeper into the minutiae of the large scale internationally recognized festival held in Allahabad…Google already has enough information regarding it. Rather, I would traverse through my perception about this city. 

A small religious city which basks in the glory of its numerous temples…some quite ancient & well known….some newly constructed…some huge and flaunts wealth of its devotees…while some just cropped up street side or rather encroaching the pavement almost overnight. 

Another striking feature of this city is its affinity for the preparation of various administrative & civil exams viz. IAS, PCS exams. Various coaching centre of different shapes & sizes have mushroomed all over the city which in turn has given refuge to aspiring ‘red/blue beacon’ students from neighboring villages and smaller towns. This breed of students has taken that spider’s story too seriously who never gave up even after failing multiple times to climb the wall!! They stay in the city in rented rooms while fooling their family members back home with the rosy picture of their dreams of civil services jobs. When asked, they boisterously claim that they are doing ‘Tayyari’ ( preparation) and this can continue till the time they are not crossing the upper age limit for appearing in these exams. I know few person who were staying in my locality when I was a teenager and doing ‘Tayyari’ and are still doing that. Many of them have forged their date of birth so many times you can even spot a balding, way above thirty, gentlemen who still declare himself as ‘Tayyari’ student. In reality, they do nothing other than attending coaching classes & roaming like free bulls in local market places while hogging from various street vendors. 

This city has a perfect laid-back attitude with bagful of vulnerable ego. People do not want to work and you can be looked upon as some alien from different planet if you expect customer service from any commercial point. Any kind of change and upliftment is least welcomed in this city. So, it still remains somehow same what it was a decade back. People have ample amount of free time here……I know few people who used to hang around near the local betel shop, chat endlessly while staring and stripping all female clan passing from that road with their creepy eyes when I was in school/college…i.e. almost more than a decade ago. Last time I visited Allahabad few days back, I found them still there. They have spent their whole life doing the same thing or rather nothing. 

This city still judge you by the clothes you wear…and here I am not experimenting much but talking about how jeans/trousers worn girls are still looked down with raised brows. 

I am not being a cribbing worm here but actually I feel bad when I see other smaller cities zipping past my hometown in development, infrastructure and other positive changes while it foolishly remains aloof from all the changes around it. 

G = Give me another chance!!

Give me some sunshine, Give me some rain, 

Give me another chance to grow up once again. 

All of us have some secret regrets…not exactly regrets but something like “I wish I could have done that”…some unspoken, undone remnants of life. After completing three decades of my life when I look back and walk down the memory lane, I find many such moments which I want to relive with some improvisation. 

I wish I could have spent some more quality time with my grandparents. They stayed with us in the same house and had more than fifty percent credit in our upbringing. I had so many sweet-bitter-lovely memories of them. I feel myself blessed to have their companionship till my twenties. But, even after almost a decade has passed since their demise, I still cringe for their company. 

I wish I shouldn't have wasted my precious time in a useless relationship with a person who never understood me or valued my presence. I missed many fun & enjoyable moments of my life just because I was too bogged down by the insensitive & nonchalant attitude of that person. 

I wish I could have been not so overtly emotionally dependent on that person that even I was scared to speak my mind due to the insecurity in our relationship. I wish I could have asserted my feelings & thoughts more often and understand that it can never drive away the right person from your life but can help to weed out the wrong ones. 

I wish I could have chosen my subjects more wisely in the initial years of my academic life. That time, I only knew that I love Mathematics and it was my strength but along with that came two monster twins’ physics & Chemistry which I was never able to tackle comfortably. 

I wish someone told me, When I was 11 years old that it is absolutely fine to raise hell against that creep who relentlessly sketches excuses to feel my body in a bad way. I wish someone told me that you need not to feel guilty about the whole thing and it is that slime ball who should be ashamed. 

I wish I could have been in touch with more of my school & college mates. I tried to revive the bond later when Orkut & Fb came into existence, but by that time the aura of the bond had already faded. I am still in touch with few of my school friends who studied with me since class 1 and the charisma of our relationship has remain almost intact. But, surprisingly the college friends group hare now only FB friends with whom the relation is tangled in ‘likes, comments & status updates’ only. 

I wish I could have revived my reading passion earlier. But, better late than never. 

I wish I could have stepped into this wonderful blogging world few years back, when it came into existence. 

I wish I could have been more prudent towards my health and shouldn't have neglected the weight issue which has completely gone out of control now……sigh!! 

Ohhh My God…this list is growing so long….rest I am leaving to pen down in some posts…you see, I have to sustain till Z and it is only F now!! 

B = Book love

Books…..Needless to mention here that I love reading. My love for books started early when I saw both my grandparents always took up reading as their favorite time pass.  I feel myself blessed to spend my childhood under their guidance while surrounded by books. My reading stint traversed in three languages….Hindi, English & Bengali.

Hindi:

 As a child, I guzzled up all the comic books in Hindi with prime characters like Chacha Choudhry, Billoo – Pinki, Nagraj, Super Commando Dhruv, Doga and many more. Apart from comic strips, I also bought occasionally magazines like ‘Champak, Lot-pot & Chandamama. My fascination with these comic strips continued till my early teen years and then I slowed down in reading books in Hindi. Another Hindi teen magazine which I used to read was ‘Suman-Saurabh’.

Bengali:

I learnt to read this language almost overnight when my dad played this trick and refused to buy me my monthly quota of two comic books in Hindi but in Bengali. Yeah…I read few of those comic books in Bengali as well!!. But, now I am really thankful to my dad for that. Without learning to read Bengali, I would have missed some spectacular literary works by awesome writers like SaratChandra, Shirsendu, Sunil Ganguly, Satyajit Ray, Ashapurna Devi, Leela Mazumdar and many more. I loved the ‘Feluda’ series by Satyajit Roy and have read all his books multiple times.

English:

It started with Enid Blyton in my early teen years. I also subscribed to Reader’s Digest from my school library. I loved to read Ruskin Bond a lot and I still do. Then somehow my reading hobby took a backseat which rekindled in last few years. I have managed to read these & these many books in last few months.

I just want to pass on this passion of mine to Mishti and is somehow able to do so.  She has got a bagful of books which she loves to read out aloud in her own gibberish lingo. Books are the only stuff which can capture her attention till longest duration. Check out this one:

Plzz Don't disturb while I am with my books!

WoW - 2

‘Paradigm shift ‘can be fitted as most the appropriate term for my life. A person who was kind of workaholic or to be more precise loved to spend time in office finishing various assignments at the earliest  or just covering up for various other colleagues( who were on leaves) while handling their team members is now afraid of the word ‘going to work’ . Discussions about her second innings in professional arena after the maternity sabbatical initiates ‘anxiety pangs’ in her biological system now.

During six years of my professional life there were numerous days when I had spent almost 10-12 hours at work…and that too willingly!! I went to work even couple of days before my baby was born. No one ever assumed even when I was pregnant that I would leave my job & would be a full-time SAHM. But then I made my mind understand and took that difficult decision in my perfect senses….and believe me I am not at all repentant about it.

Initially we decided that I would leave my current job & take a break of around six months and would start searching job by March 2012. But, then my sister’s marriage got scheduled later this year. So we postponed the plan as being the only sibling my presence is quite inescapable in all the arrangements & functions…..and expecting & asking leave just after joining job is quite a turn-off for me. Throughout the whole course of discussion I remained torn between excitement to join work & anxious to leave back my baby at home.

However, I would like to admit here that somehow secretly I felt bit relaxed & happy to be able to spend more time with my kid. I hushed away all the anxiety & sloppy thoughts which hovered my mind whenever I thought about my li’l princess being alone with maid or in an alien environment of day-care. Akin to an Ostrich I denied the presence of storm by shoving my head in sand. I even dreaded to discuss this maid vs. daycare option with my spouse and slyly slipped away whenever he initiated the discussion.

But now, it seems that I can no longer avoid this scenario. Sister’s marriage would be over in November…….So I am waking up, now that September has ended.  I have to shake myself to be awake from my blissful dream to face the reality…..I cannot delay my job hunt more. This is turning out to be a tricky situation….. One part of me wants to join back the league pretty badly while the other part want to be with my kid all the time. I am not weighing any rationale behind this state of my mind……these are just pure ‘wants’ of my soul.

My mind is now taking over my heart and is waking up, now that September has ended. I have started extensive search for good daycare and a full-time maid after settling the required criteria with my hubby.  The next in pipeline is updating my resume in various job-portals. Along with all these search & researches my mind is conditioning my heart to be prepared for the forthcoming change & its twin sister turbulence. Let’s see how I am going to face it…..Kya kare Dil hai ki Maanta nahin!!!

I am so thankful to Blogadda for these topics of WoW which is helping me to blurt out my ramblings in form of blogging.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

WoW - 1

I wish someone told me......

When I was 11 years old that it is absolutely fine to raise hell against that creep who relentlessly sketches excuses to feel my body in a bad way. I wish someone told me that you need not to feel guilty about the whole thing and it is that slime ball who should be ashamed.

 I wish someone told me......

When I was standing at the important crossroad of my academic life that instead of just following the herd I should choose the subjects for my 10+2 as per my strength. If I am good at Mathematics then it is not necessary that I can perform well in Physics & Chemistry as well.

I wish someone told me......

When I was wasting time & money in various engineering entrance exams that identify & draw your career path intelligently rather than making futile attempts in the field which does not interest you. I wish someone told me that increase your awareness and opt for various different career paths which align with your inclination.

I wish someone told me......

When was in my late teens & early twenties that this phase of life is not going to come back so don’t try to act maturely in every situation. Enjoy the life, take things bit lightly. I wish someone told me then that acceptance from all cannot be gained. So, don’t feel dejected and disappointed if you are not able to make it to some so called ‘in’ groups.

I wish someone told me......

Leadership capabilities have few dark sides as well. If you love to bask in the glory of being in the front, then you should also be ready to face the brickbats as well. Don’t feel bad when people criticize you….it actually emphasize that your style has something about which people want to talk about.

I wish someone told me......

That it is better not to invest your feelings, emotions & time for a wrong person who gives a damn about it. I wish someone told me that do not be so overtly emotionally dependant on anyone that even you are scared to speak your mind due to the insecurity in your relationship. I wish someone told me that asserting your feelings & thoughts can never drive away the right person from your life but can help to weed out the wrong ones.

I wish someone told me......

About blogging few years back when it came into existence. I am profoundly late into entering this wonderful world of blogging. Anyway, ‘Better late than Never’.

I wish someone told me......About the blissful feeling of motherhood which I am enjoying today few years back. We would have definitely planned our baby earlier hushing aside other priorities of life.

In case, this post appears like some regret post of my life then I would beg to differ.  There are so many unspoken, untold, undone chunk remnants exist in everyone’s life, to which when they look back compels them to ponder about it.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

E.T.A. : This got selected as one of the best entries for the theme. :-)

The 'Just Married, Please Excuse' Contest

Since yesterday when I bumped into this contest by Yashodhara whose debut book has been launched recently, my blogging fingers itched to jot down few of the weird moments of our married life. Also, how can I not mention the highlighted words which caught my attention like “Mamagato”, “Gurgaon”, “free copies of book” and gave me a bleak hope that being a blogger from Gurgaon might act as an added advantage in my favour. (errr kidding….huh! :-))

As I go through Yashodhara’s blog and keep reading her previous posts, I regret why I have not been at her space earlier….Anyway, better late than never!

So here I try to recap few incidents related to our marriage and just after that.

Our marriage ceremony was packed with ‘comedy of errors & misunderstandings’. All Baraatis dispersed & went back home leaving few young cousins and an aunt of SG behind even before the completion of marriage rituals due to some stupid misunderstandings. The groom side priest took advantage of the situation and left hastily after them citing some weird excuses without completing all the important rituals….like Saptapadi or Saat pheras was skipped completely!!

In the midst of all these confusions, while my side priest was conducting the ritual of ‘Sampradan /Kanyadaan’, another funny incident happened which we noticed only when the video recordings were seen later.  SG’s knowledge of Bengali language is quite limited…while he can speak it mixed with a perfect north Indian accent, he, kind of struggles and gets confused if somebody speaks in fluent Bengali. So we saw in the video that SG was trying hard to follow instructions from our priest about when to repeat the ‘shlokas/mantras’, when to fold hands and so on. When the priest asked my dad to repeat after him the mantras of Kanyadaan, he also instructed SG to keep his hand on mine. GOD only knows  what SG understood & the next thing we saw him repeating the mantras of ‘Kanyadaan’ after the priest. So, in case we take all these rituals seriously( I generally don’t..!) it indicates that my dad performed my ‘Kanyadaan’  to SG and the ‘SG’ did my ‘Kanyadaan’ to GOD knows whom!!

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This second incident falls completely in the category of ‘Just married’ if in case the first one fails to make the entry because of the fact that we were still not ‘completely’ married then.

At the time of my ‘Grihapravesh’ in SG’s house, we had a seriously stupid ritual where I (bride) had to hold a ‘live’ fish kept in a bowl of water with my hand for couple of minutes!!! 

Here I should mention that I am a scaredy cat....I am very scared of any living being (except human) on this earth. Forget about dogs or cats, I cannot even run fingers through furry coat of a cute rabbit or birds or even pat an innocent cow. A mouse or mole in vicinity can bring out the most ‘versatile’ dance out of me!!! 

Anyway, I digress. Now, when I had to hold that slimy moving fish I was petrified. Being a new bride, I was even not able to refuse to participate in it outright. I tried to put my best brave face forward, but, the very moment my fingers touched that fish which wriggled away splashing water, all my acting skills botched. I shrieked, jumped, shouted and people even witnessed that ‘versatile’ dance by me duly applauded by my perfect hubby in the background!!

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The third incident happened just few days after my marriage when relatives had dwindled back to their home and we were just enjoying our marriage vacation at my in-laws place.

One evening I wanted to eat Momos, but in that city we don't get roadside stalls to buy  momos easily like we get in Delhi NCR. I thought of bugging SG about it and also test his ‘hubby skills’ to fulfill wife’s abrupt demands.

As SG was in FIL’s shop that time so that my FIL can take some rest I tried calling him on his cell phone. When I realized that he has forgotten his mobile phone in his room, I called on the landline number.

(The conversation happened in Hindi)

Me: Hello, Ghosh!! (Yes, I used to call him with his last name)

Other side:  Haan..Kaun? (Yes.. who is this?)              

Me: Sun na….Yahan Momos milta hai kya?? (Listen…Do we get Momos here?)

Other side: Kya…kya chahiye ?? ( What…What do you want?)          

Me: Arre…Momos !!! yahan pe momos kahan milega!! ( Momos!!!....Where can we get Momos here!)

Other side: Jee…ye to hamari dukan me nahin milega…aap kahin aur pata kar lijiye. (This is not available in our shop…you enquire somewhere else.)

Me: ????

Then suddenly I realized that it was my FIL’s voice which I mistaken for SG. And how can I forget that SG is not the only ‘Ghosh’ here but I am surrounded by the whole ‘Ghosh’ clan.  I hurriedly hung up and cursed my stupidity for this ’face-palm’ moment!! When SG came to know about it…..like a perfect hubby, he shared it with everyone in the family embarrassing me to the core.

While writing this post, I felt that walking down this specific memory lane is quite fun. Thanks to this contest for letting me revive this enjoyment.

Oooops Moment...!!!

As the title suggests this post is going to capture one of the most embarrassing incident of my life ( although I have got lots of these 'Chop-suey' moments in my kitty, but thought of sharing only one at a time).

To make this post more interesting I would also tag few wonderful bloggers by the end of this post in order to extract their 'Ooops moment' through their post.

This happened almost a decade ago while I was in college. I used to hang out in a group ( not from college) and this group included even our siblings. We roamed around on our two-wheelers to movies, exhibitions & trade fairs. One day we planned to watch some movie in cinema hall....mind it, in my home town, there were no multiplexes those days, those were plain cinema- halls which bragged about their (always) dysfunctional invisible air-conditioners!!. 

There were a bunch of three such cinema-halls in Allahabad in one of its congested areas which was quite far -away from our locality.As per our plan, in order to save time everybody would reach directly to that hall which was located in between the other two halls. So, one of the guys ( with whom I was going around that time..) picked me up from my college on his two-wheeler and we headed for the destination. Both of us were not too sure about the location of that hall....just aware of the way to reach that particular area. Mobile phones were not common that time. It was a rainy day and we had planned to watch 12PM show. After reaching that over-crowded locality we lost our way...we were feeling too shy to ask people...as a young guy & a girl riding one vehicle asking directions for a cinema hall in that typically crammed area would invite uncomfortable glances from strange people ( yesss...my home town mindset was this kind of strange!!).

Anyway, we finally managed to locate that jam-packed lane in which those cinema -halls existed.To avoid the downpour we directly went inside the cinema-hall's campus and halted the vehicle under the shade of the porch of that building. Strangely, none of our friends have reached there although it was almost 12PM. All of a sudden, I noticed that I was the only female standing in that whole campus and almost hundred pair of creepy & uncanny pair of eyes are observing me from top-to-toe!! I told this to my friend who promptly asked me to ignore the stares. But when like almost 10 minutes passed and none of our other friends turned up, we started worrying. By this time, few weird looking guys were almost standing close to us. My friend went towards the gate to look out for our group but came back rushing within a minute with a whacko expression on his face and started his vehicle instantly. He asked me in a hush- hush but peculiar tone to ride on the pillion seat immediately. We moved out of that cinema- hall campus within seconds and  now I realized that instead of entering the second hall we had entered in the first hall which came to our sight in that lane.

Now the CLIMAX!!! When I noticed the name of the film that was screening in that cinema-hall I was appalled. It was some porn movie "Kamsin Kali Ki Pyasi Jawani"!!! Eeeewwwww!!!Both of us forgot to breathe for few minutes and heaved a sigh of relief when we reach the right hall and found our friends. That guy was so nervous that he drank a whole bottle of water. I was embarrassed, and feeling soooo awkward as our younger siblings were also there. We still thank our stars that we haven't entered inside the hall directly or queue up for the tickets of that 'Movie'. 

We still laugh at this incident and SG irritatingly comments that he misses a handicam which could have captured my expressions that time!!!

So now I am tagging the following bloggers..What's you 'Ooops Moment' guys!!:

Zoe's Mom : I know that her blog is dedicated to her toddler only but would love to read her style of writing on this topic.

Green Boochi(GB): I have lots of expectation from you darling!! :-D So start tapping the keyboard instantly.

Sumita: Another mommy blogger but also writes nice stuff about various aspects of life.

Radhika: A young blogger with a nice flair of writing.

R's Mom: One of my favourite blogger whose post I look forward every(week-day) morning!! 

Scribby: Another blogger whose post I have started liking very much. Would love to read a post from you.

Seema: A wonderful blogger who write beautiful posts about her twins. She has been busy lately, so take your time dear!!

Would like if you also pass on this tag to 7 other bloggers and then I can feel that I am not the only one who lands herself in soup often!!

P.S. Please bear with the weird formatting of the post as I changed my template and now struggling to straighten this font colour & font background colour...

Parenting & Letting Go...

It has been almost a fortnight that I am out of touch from this blog-world...not exactly out-of-touch as I managed to sneak some time to read blogs flashing my reader but was really dormant about commenting and writing new post. Reason was primarily array of guests in my house. Anyway, all these days my blogging fingers were itching to pen down my thoughts on a topic about which I read some fabulous posts written by my favorite bloggers recently. You can read them here:

RM's post on Letting Go

Scribby's post on Parenting- Push & Pull

Although I want to write so many things about this sensitive topic of parenting but somewhere inside I feel scared & apprehensive as well. I mean I am yet to be aware of my parenting style as Mishti is only a year old. But one thing I am sure about is that my tolerance level to deal with nonsense is quite low. I am not a parenting expert and has my own doubts regarding the various shades of 'Letting Go' in parenting. I would like to quote RM's words here:

If you give too much freedom, the child becomes a brat, if you don't give freedom, the child becomes a recluse. 

Now this is something I dread of. I must admit here that I am kinda 'control freak' but in a different sense. Sometimes I do feel that I tend to influence other's thought process & decisions.....and I do this very convincingly without even offending the other person!!! So, with this trait of mine I always scare of crossing that fine line of 'giving & not giving' freedom to Mishti.

As I write about 'freedom in parenting' here, it remains incomplete if I do not mention the way I & my sis were brought up. My dad defied all our relatives & people around us with his parenting style. We were groomed from very childhood to speak our mind & perceive and experience the world outside with our own eyes. Hand-holding was minimal at our household. But it never meant that we were left alone to go haywire.Although I have to digress from the actual point but would like recall few things which are ingrained inside me.

This incident happened when I was very young (might be about 6-7 years) and I am astonished that how I still remember it. In our town, the 'kabadi wala' ( scrap-dealer) would ferry with his cart in residential by-lanes and buy the clutters from people. To make people aware of their presence they would shout at the top of the voice in a very mechanical tone .."Kabaaaadi wallllee". One day, I was found shouting in the same manner mockingly. Immediately I was called by my dad who asked me to stop that nonsense and then explained me how that person is doing it for his livelihood.....how we should not look down any profession...and how "koi kaam chhota nahin hota".

In my home, we (me & my sis) never ever vent out our anger on food. It was unimaginable for us to skip meals to blackmail parents to make them succumb to any of our demands. 

It was so nicely inculcated by my parents to not to form any opinion about something or somebody with other's version. Like many other family even they had their difference of opinion with some of the relatives but we kids, were never taught to disrespect them by painting a negative image of  theirs. We grew up and understood ourselves that who is what!

My dad has been blamed with giving too much freedom to his daughters which everybody felt would result in  a spoilt set of of 'loose sisters'. But to people's dismay we faired well than those who were kept protected and sheltered always. I am really thankful to my parents for bringing us up giving enough freedom and let us learn from our experiences.Few times I felt really bad like when I had to go all alone to the cycle-shop to get it mended or when I had stand in the long-queue of my college to deposit the fees while parents of other girls of my age did these chores themselves, but now I realise how much these small experiences helped me in developing my personality.

Anyway, coming back to the topic. I am not very sure about this 'letting go' thing....but one thing I am sure that I want Mishti to be self reliant and would try my best to help her in that. One of my friend stayed with me for few days lately with her two kids ( aged 10 years & 4 months respectively). Now this elder one was brought up in her maternal grand parent's place till she was 5 years old. This kid was the worst case of 'picky eater' I have ever seen. She took more than 1.5 hours to finish her each meal and would chew only when her mom would mix the food for her. Her mom would brag how this kid frowns if the lunch menu is normal Dal-Rice - Veggies and how she tries her best to vary the menu everyday with idlis/pasta/dosa/pav-bhaji. I know it is too early for me to comment on this situation as I am yet to experience the kids of similar age in my household. But somehow, I am not very comfortable with this situation. For me, I can prepare all these stuffs once in a while or might be in breakfast/snack but they can never be traded with proper lunch.I also found the kid munching on some chips packet just before dinner and yes she literally struggled to finish her dinner. My friend & her kid offered those chips to Mishti as well which I politely refused and found my friend make a pity face for Mishti (as if Bechaari Mishti ...she got a tyrant mom who deprives her from the tasty foods of this world!!!).

On the other hand, as I take Mishti to the housing -complex lawn in evening and let her play with other kids, sometimes she rolls on the grass..which I let her do or even some other kid of same age group try to play with her (mind it...their playing includes sudden hugging or mild pushing or pulling other's dress) , I let her play that till the time it is safe. There are many ladies who act as referee for their kids or just ferry them in lap to avoid rolly-polly on grass!! I know, I am criticized behind my back about my parenting style. While they discuss how they managed to force feed their kids I simply keep myself out of discussion as I disapprove this  force feeding and generally start eating my lunch if Mishti is creating too much fuss with her food...and believe me, 90% of times she comes back and has her food with me. They think about me as quite 'Chillax' kind of mom!! 

However, at times now I have started showing off my 'disciplinarian' avatar. Mishti has already started throwing tantrums and shrieking & crying loud to get her demands fulfilled. That day, when my friend was still at my place Mishti behaved this way. My sis took out a bottle from refrigerator and Mishti wanted that...my sis poured some water in her sipper and gave her but she started shrieking to get that bottle. My friend asked my sis to give it to her for sometime as she would get distracted soon to something else....but I intervened and kept back that bottle in refrigerator. Mishti continued howling and crying but I did not complied to her 'Zid'.

I feel that we cannot let the kid get away with their will as she is too young. We just cannot get up some day and start with our discipline regime....it has to be there from the beginning to avoid sending confusing signals to the child.

Concluding my post with some nice words by Scribby :

So, push or pull or both in balance,what you do with your child really matters in the long run and the learning starts from parents,so there!

Happy Birthday Mishti....

Mishtuuuu, Mishtiiiii, Mithai....You turn a year old today. You are a perfect case of  'planned baby'...we like some meticulous parents even planned your date of birth! You never troubled me during the pregnancy or even with labour pains. I still remember the sudden cease of contracting pain with you popping out . Next moment I was asking doctor "Kya hua, Kya hua" and when doctor said "wait wait...let the baby cry first" my heart just stopped beating for that moment. I literally felt the oxygen back to my lungs as I faintly saw the ped patting your back - your waaaaaaaaannnnnn - my doctor saying 'It's a girl'.

This one is one of the initial snaps taken by her mashu who treats Mishti as some celebrity!!

For first few days, I was clueless and confused about my emotions....It was all muzzled up...happy, sad, worry, anxiety, pride, scared. Honestly baby, I never felt mushy or cuddly when I first took you in my arms....but i realized what you mean to me on 4th June when you had to be admitted in hospital for your excess bilirubin count. When they said that you would be there in the NICU for 24 hrs all alone....my heart ached. I literally pleaded to them to allow me to sit in the reception for those 24 hrs....which they didn't. I was not able to control my tears on my way back home. However, next morning we saw you from outside the glass taking UV ray bath with a eye-mask and kicking the walls of the glass box like a "Dabang Chhori".

Pic courtesy: Mishti's Techno-Mamu ( my cousin)

You taught me so many things while you climb up with your milestone ladder. Like I said, you never troubled me hard. You were like 'fill my tummy & check my diapers regularly - I would never bother you guys'. You took your own time in everything. We were about to send mails to Guinness Book of records when you turned on your tummy before you were 2.5 months old. We also thought of taking you to ped when your head was still wobbly and when you never tried to sit unassisted till your 8th month.We worried when you struggled to make your body posture comfortable for crawling and soon we were amazed when we saw you crawling so fast as if you were in F1 track. We never realized how easily your teeth popped out without any teething symptoms ( You have 6 teeth now). But sooner or later we realized that all these would be an integral part of baby mile-stones and we have to relax and take a chill-pill!!!

You are a MOODY eater Mishtu. I don't understand why do you make it so difficult for yourself & Mamma? I never force-feed you, Do I?...and because of that you make me feel guilty that I am not caring enough for you. Some days you gobble everything that is given to you while some other days you just refuse to open your mouth. You love to take your share from our plates even if it is spicy.  Lately you have graduated to the normal food what we eat.

You just love music. You keep yourself glued to watch any peppy songs. Now you also sway your hand & shake upper part of your body as you watch any of your favourite songs or if we say "Nache nache" ( as taught by your dida).

You are able to stand on your own and cruise throughout the house to find anything which you can pull down with your super-grip. You know Mishtu, couple of days back I have even noticed you taking few independent baby steps but never told anyone ... because I know you would never show this feat to them on demand...so let them find out on their own!!!

Mishti...I love the way you rush towards me if anybody cuddles me saying "Amar Mamma". It makes me feel so important. I love it when you put your hand forward for hand-shake if anybody says 'Hi Ishaani...' to you with extended hands.....just because I taught you this!! I love when you burst into giggles with any of our silly games and never feel tired to repeat it again and again. I cannot hide my smile when you show me your index finger when I say 'NO' to you. I love the way you frown & arch your eye-brows like your dad!!

Now a days you have also learnt to throw some tantrums and let everybody know about likes & dislikes on the drop of the hat. You also babble a lot and try to communicate & sing with others in their tone....Like mother-like daughter.

Earlier I thought , I would write to you on your first birthday what I want for you in life ...but as this post is simply about you and not me therefore would cover it is separate post.

Amar Bachha...Happy Birthday to you dear....wish loads & loads of happiness & fun for you . May GOD bless you with a healthy, safe, secure & happy life.

Love U Shona....Keep smiling like this.

12 pics- each for every month