State of mind???

This incident happened around 3 years ago in sept 2008. I still do not have any logical explanation for it. I do feel that it was all a state of mind.

Those days I was in night shifts (our shifts use to change after every 4 week) and that was the last week for night shift. One morning I saw a commotion in our generally deserted society compound. My maid told us that a 16 year mentally challenged girl had jumped off from her terrace and had fallen on the balcony of another flat. She died instantly. This all happened in our next door apartment and both the terrace and the balcony can be clearly seen from our balcony.

More information shared by my maid was that the girl was living with her step-mom and father was in Dubai. She had some altercations with her mom and she tried to run away from house in the night around 1 AM. The security guard didn’t allow her to go outside and asked her to go back as he sensed everything is not normal. She hid in the lawn and asked couple of people who were returning from their work to help her to go outside. Finally she crept back to her home and jumped off around 6 AM.

At first, when maid just informed about the suicide, I saw my sister’s face turned pale. She told that last night when she was coming back from office (evening shift ) around 2 AM a girl-not so well dressed – carrying a bag approached her near the lawn and asked for help in fluent English. Smelling it foul, my sister politely refused her to which she smiled and went away. Yes, you guessed it right, my sister was one the two persons who met that unfortunate girl that night. Initially we thought that sis saw some spirit (!!!) after the girl’s death but later when maid narrated the complete story then was able to relate the chain of events.

Anyways it was a Monday and that time I had a Sun-Mon week off. On Tuesday, when both my hubby and sis left for work I went to bed around 5 PM for a couple of hours sleep before night shift. Somehow, I was not able to sleep and thoughts about that girl constantly hovered on my mind. Anyways, went to office with sleepy eyes. On Wednesday, I came back around 9AM. Body was aching and eyes were half closed. Still I managed to cook something and ate it. With the thought that I would compensate the yesterday lack of sleep with more hours today, went to bed. Strangely, I was not able to sleep again. Believe me, it was horrible feeling that every inch of your body is dog-tired and want to sleep but somehow mind is fully awake & alert and not allowing you to sleep. Why my mind was so alert? Felt as if someone is constantly keeping a watch on me. Surprisingly, I didn’t felt it while cooking or watching T.V but only when I tried to sleep.

I discussed this with my hubby over phone and he counseled and tried to boost my morale. I was reluctant to discuss this with others as thought they might make fun of me!! So, I literally dragged myself to office on Wednesday night where my supervisor asked me to go back home as office sick room was under maintenance, but I was scared to go back home. Thursday, again the same thing happened, it was the third day when I had no proper sleep but just few minutes of nap in the office cab. Then in the evening, desperately I called one of my colleagues who stayed in the same society and requested him to let me sleep at his place. I slept for about 3-4 hours there and felt better. From Friday onwards my shift changed and it was quite similar to that of my hubby’s shift so I didn’t have to sleep alone in the house.

Gradually after some time, situation came back to normal. But still I woder what happened to me that time? I generally do not think much about those topics which my logical mind does not support, so cannot comment much about the reason. Might be possible that subconsciously I was thinking too much about that girl therefore while my conscious mind wanted to take rest but sub-conscious one was on thinking mode. Might be it was just a state of mind!! What do you say???