Wish someone took care of those warning signs timely...!!

Those warning signs were popping their head since long. But nobody took them seriously. Most of the times it was brushed aside by terming it as ‘ladakpan ka josh’!

No one actually remembers when it all started…or maybe it was there since his birth. He was quite young when he hit his sister just because she refused to take his orders. ‘How can she say No to me…I am her brother…she is just a girl!’ a voice inside him thundered. His family members also took his side and punished that girl for bothering her brother. This first warning sign went unnoticed and in a way this incident established his superiority of male gender in his mind.

 As he grew up, complaints came from neighborhood families about his harassing vulgar behavior and obscene gestures towards their daughters. His family members fought with the neighbors defending him. ‘How can they blame our apple of the eye….those girls must be loose in character’, his father shouted. His mother and grandmother confirmed that those girls are a disgrace to society as they wear jeans occasionally. ‘Boys will be boys ..Right’!! Again this warning sign was also never taken care of.

He always witnessed his mother getting beaten up by his father on petty issues. But, no one in his family ever interfered. He grew up learning that women folk need to be taken control of, and if required violence is necessary to make them toe the line.

After few years, he saw a girl whom he proposed after stalking & passing crude comments. He felt he was in love with her. But surprisingly, she seemed not interested in him. ‘How can she say No to me…I am obliging her by showering my love on her…she is just a girl!’ his mind ranted. She needs to learn a lesson. He abducted her with the help of few friends and raped her. ‘Now she would know what a MAN I am’. The girl’s father complained to the local Panchayat. The Panchayat and other villagers were astonished by the shamelessness of that father. ‘He is making a public farce of his daughter’s rape….ladki ki izzat to gayi!!’ the Sarpanch (head of Panchayat) commented. Anyway, they have to take a decision. So, they ordered that girl to get married to that boy (her rapist). ‘She is already impure now...Who would marry her…at least this boy is decent enough to forgive her for complaining against him and marry her!’ Another big warning sign was twisted to act in his favor.

His married life was similar to that of thousands other couples of this country where domestic violence and tolerating it was a part of fulfilling their marriage vows. He even hit his wife the day after their daughter was born. ‘She deserves to be punished because of her faulty womb which produces a girl’. All the family members’ supported him in his barbaric act. By now, his fire of confidence has been fueled enough as he came out of all these incidents unscarred nonchalantly.

Then one winter night, while driving back from his work on the chartered bus, he saw another girl walking with her friend and seeking public transport. ‘Ohh these city girls, how can they walk at this hour of the day out in streets’, He thought while hatching a heinous crime in his mind. ‘She seems to be asking for it….She needs to be taught a lesson!!’  He did not bat an eyelid to commit the odious felony with his bunch of friends by violating that girl’s physical as well as psychological space. The aftermath of this incident was astonishing …at least to the rapists. Whole country came out in the streets to protest against the barbaric act they committed that night. They demanded for his death sentence. He was confused….. 'I never did anything unusual this time, I am the same person who treated female clan in this way throughout my life…then what is new today? Why are they overreacting?’ He pondered behind the prison bars.

Do we still need the moral of this story? This story is though fictitious with strong resemblance to many individuals of our country who are brought up and conditioned to treat the women in this manner. They are a product of rotten mindset which still prays for male child to be born in their family, who still treat female members of family as the B-grade citizen. The moral of the story strongly conveys the fact that ignoring or feigning unawareness to these kinds of warning signs gives birth to socio-psychological criminals who can rob the humanity of its robe.

Ignoring any warning  signs can lead to worse problems

This post is my entry for Indiblogger contest in association with My Healthy Speak Blog

T & U = Television & Unlimited Regression

So, here I am, trying my best to return to my blogger self. I lost the steam since Q and only posted some cheat posts after that. Now as I had failed to write anything for T so thought of combining it with U.  

I am here talking about Daily serials of Indian Television industry.- ‘Kkkkkk soaps’. Those who are not able to make out its meaning, I am actually referring to mindless, gaudy, overtly melodramatic daily soaps of Indian Television. But why…Kkkkk soaps? Well, I am trying to name this horrible genre of TV soaps with its origin…. How can we forget that this all had been started by ‘so called’ TV soap queen – Kekta Madam (Don’t you dare to disintegrate the K from her name!!!).

I am not getting into the details that how & when this genre changed the face of the TV industry. No. I won’t say that I miss those weekly TV serials or old Series like Buniyaad, Humlog or anything else similar to that. Everything has transformed into glossier & more glamorous now a days so why only blame Television.

You surf through any Hindi entertainment channel ( why blame only Hindi, any other regional language channel are also same), and you would find almost cloned story plots, overdone faces, horrendously kitschy outfits, loud acting and loads of glycerin. Even though chronologically we are in 21^st century but the trash kkk soaps which are aired actually compel you to go back to some 18^th or 19^th century. I observed few different channels which cemented my belief that they are somehow trying to give us a ride in time machine.

A young girl of in her twenties who was shown widow of the protagonist of the show is made to wear spotless white saree even though her spouse died months back. And this too when the story backdrop is not rural but the national capital of India.

Another channel is showing that how a couple who got married against their parent’s will &permission is trying hard to get the acceptance in the family. So, the videshi DIL has to pass certain tests set by the head of the family. The nature of those tests varies from wearing a saree, washing whole house after drawing water from the well, preparing food for the whole 56 member family, or singing devotional songs with correct pronunciation in the temple even before the sun rises. The dutiful DIL keeps on participating in those tests with a big smile plastered to her face and without even uttering a single protest.

An illiterate eve-teaser or to be precise a molester forcibly marries an educated girl and the next 1000 episodes are aired justifying his passionate love which forced him to own that woman without her consent. She was shown to fall in his love after some hundred episodes when she realizes he has a golden heart which contains obsessive love for her!!!

A contemporary girl gets married and a 360 degree makeover takes place. She is shown roaming around only in sarees, accessorized with big ‘Mangalsutra’ and the vermillion is somehow placed in her hair-parting with help of a ruler or scale which is generally found in a student’s geometry box!!

Any woman with a career in her mind and ambitions has to be vile & negative in character. She would soon realize her incompetence in front of the sacrificing housewife who eats her meal only after her family members have been fed and burped!

I can continue to write about these instances endlessly. These regressive tracks are surprisingly the biggest TRP puller. I know so many people including me who don’t watch this stuff but then this fact cannot be negated that a large chunk of population is hooked to these shows and follow them religiously. I know its impact on the literate class is limited only to the imitation of designer outfits & jewelry but the less educated strata are hugely affected in different way. I had discussed with my maid and concluded that somehow many of them believe that whatever shown in these serials are for real or closely connected to reality. Another thing which they believe is that if these serials are showing any regressive track on economically upper class background then it should be followed. As per her, when an English speaking couple is following these mindless track in the serials then it must have some logic and reason.

These regressive serials in all the channels are actually spamming our entertainment quota. Far away from reality, these monotonous & senseless shows keep on mushrooming through all the channels irrespective of language or religion.

Selfless Soldier

As a school kid we found him scary – with thick moustache covering almost half of his face and big rolling eyes, he managed to create that aura in his personality which actually his profession required. He was the watchman – chowkidar – guard who took his position near the gate of Girls Degree College since many years. Our school was situated just opposite to that college. I saw him relentlessly present on his duty every day since I was in kindergarten.  He shooed away the school kids with his loud voice, who loitered in front of that college gate apart from shouting on the cycle rickshaw pullers who jostled to get customers from the college. We called him Muchhad (a typical slang used for a person with big moustache).

This incident happened when I was in Class 10^th. It was the first day of our school’s summer vacation; however the college was still open. Our batch was called to school to attend some extra classes. By the time, we came out after our classes around 2PM; the road in front of our school was deserted with hardly few people around. Among those people, there were few boys in their early twenties who were seen regularly wandering in front of that girl’s college with malicious intentions. They didn’t even spared schoolgirls and always searched for triggers to enter into a fistfight with the boys of our school. They sketched opportunities to vent out their perversion – Stalking, hooting, whistling and sometimes even dared to grope few girls.

I would not dilute their heinous behavior by calling them eve-teasers or road side Romeos, but they were assaulters – who assaulted girls psychologically and physically without any shame. That time, we have already heard from grapevine that some ugly incident has happened few days back. A girl has mustered courage to confront them when she was assaulted and even slapped one of the hooligans. This gave guts to other girls and they managed to scare those guys enough to leave from that place instantly before the college administration stepped into the issue. For next few days, those guys never turned up.

But, on that particular day, I saw those guys waiting like hawks on their bikes. Next I saw a bunch of girls coming out from that college. Suddenly, a bike with three people sitting on it zipped in front of them, forcing them to halt. One of those guys took out a dagger and held it closely near that girl’s neck who has slapped them. Other girls stepped back in fear. The other pillion rider guy leaped in the scene with a bottle of acid in his hand. We were dumbstruck with the fearful intensity of the happenings which has numbed our senses and transformed us into mute spectators.

That creep was about to open that Acid bottle when out of sudden Muchhad jumped into the scene. He started shouting hysterically and hit the guy with the lone weapon in his hand – his stick. He dropped the Acid bottle with the blow which broke into pieces with a sizzling sound and splash of acid all over the ground. Muchhad continued to hit that guy with his stick. By this time, the first guy left the girl and attacked Muchhad to save his friend. He stabbed him with his dagger on his arm twice and all three of them beat a retreat from the scene hastily. I returned to my senses with my fellow classmates shouting and running inside the school for help. Soon, many people from both the college & school rushed to the spot for help where Muchhad was bleeding profusely but still in his senses. He was taken to nearby hospital and his wounds almost took a month to heal. He joined back his duty afterwards and was felicitated by the college management.

Whenever I passed thorough that road even after graduating from the school, I made sure to catch a glimpse of that altruistic person. Few years back, during my visit to my hometown, I searched for him again but found a new face in his place. My niece, who studies in the same school, told me that Muchhad died few months back.

Although this incident took place almost couple of decades back but still today I salute that selfless soldier who never gave a second thought before jumping into the crime scene. Even the fact that those guys were armed was not able to deter his action. His mind only raced & reacted to save that girl whose face & body could have been charred by that acid. His quick reaction and presence of mind not only averted that ugly incident but even managed to draw attention to the shoddy safety measures implanted by management & government for school & college students. He could have remained silent, He could have just been a mere spectator, but his soldier instinct compelled him to act without even caring for his own well-being. Although he was not educated enough, but his action has proven his mettle to the world.

This post is a part of #Soldierforwomen in association with BlogAdda.com

K = Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!

Ok...Here I am cheating. I thought of writing something else for K but some other really silly thing has come up my way. I have already posted this just after my daughter was born. But, thought of sharing it with my fellow A2Zeders....Please pardon me for this cheat post.

Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!!!!(Translation: Nothing to worry…Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth) has arrived)

This is one common line which I heard from couple of people when my daughter was born. However, not to mention that their tone never had that excitement if in real Goddess of wealth had arrived with a big gunny bags of gold & diamonds!!

The consolation in most of the people’s tone was quite audible. Sorry to say but like reading between the lines sometimes you can hear beyond the lines. Few smart ones quickly said “It doesn’t matter it is a boy or a girl, just a hale & hearty baby”. and they are smart ones to alter their original comments because of my ‘firebrand’(!!) nature but forget to wipe the consolation in their tone.

One of my elderly relative said 'Ohhhh (I am stressing on this big Ohhh)….daughters bring good luck to family'. Excuse me…if I had given birth to a son then why would have his ‘luck quotient’ had been lesser???

When I was in my 2^nd trimester, there were two or three more female colleagues who were expecting. So we used to have our group discussion forum on maternity issues anytime, anywhere. Few other female colleagues (generally moms) would also join us. One day, a mom to a 2 year old brought a fun test (a questionnaire kind of list which asks whether you like to eat sweet or salty food, which side of your tummy the baby has more movements…) to decide the gender of the unborn baby. All of us took the test for fun. After an hour I found one of the preggo ladies crying in the washroom. When I asked she told me that how mean of that other lady who deliberately twisted the test and told her it’s a girl!!! I got so irked that I sarcastically said that she can very well exchange her result with mine( I got the result that it’s a boy) and barged out of the restroom. Imagine an educated lady, working in a MNC crying because someone told her she would be a mother to a girl….horrible!!!!

She had told me later that how her SIL (a MBA, mother of a male child) says that at least the first child should be a boy so that her importance in her household is maintained. I felt even she was also quite convinced with this logic!!!

Another really weird viewpoint I heard when one of my close relative told me that if my genes overshadows my hubby’s genes then it would be a girl  ( we are two sisters only, no brothers  and my hubby has a young brother, no sisters)and vice versa. What a twisted genetic theorem…..I really felt like taking out my notepad & pen and explaining her complete XX & XY chromosome theory!!!!

Some futuristic people advised me to start saving money for my girl. When I asked snapped them if it had been a boy then a saving was not needed, they few got the drift and changed the topic to “money is nowadays such a necessity for better upbringing of a child”.

I really fail to understand why there is crazy attitude to have a son. Might be I won’t ever experience it as my parents never injected this fact that I have done some crime being a girl. We are two sisters and my parents never yearned for a son. When I was pregnant I read the news of a newborn girl killed by her mother in some village, I literally begged to Almighty that “please if a baby boy is in my womb exchange it to someone’s girl who are crazy for a son” (You see…pregnancy hormones were elevated at their best that time…J!!!!)

Jokes apart, I really feel sorry for these people. Some traits are injected so deeply that even high education cannot wash it. Another very common term I had heard that “Ye meri beti nahi beta hai (She is not a daughter but a son to me). This again turns me off. Why can’t we accept our girls as simple human daughters without labeling them as Goddess, good/bad luck charm or a son? Why any daughter has to prove their mettle by camouflaging as a son?

But I had saved the best for the last: My girl is fairer as compared to me and my hubby. So one of the elderly relative told me that “Good she is fair….you won’t face any difficulty while searching a match for her” Damn…Give me a break!!!

D = Discrimination

Chubby Cheeks, Dimple Chin

Rosy lips, teeth within,
Curly hair, very fair
Eyes are blue, lovely too
Teacher’s pet, Is that you!
Yes, yes, yes.

I remember getting upset after reading this rhyme as a kid. It is needless to mention here that I have nothing in common with the hyped physical traits mentioned in the rhyme except the teeth part. I somehow believed the fact that these features propel chances of becoming favorites of our teachers! Obviously when I understood the importance of mental ability, intelligence, common sense, individuality and confidence later on in my life, I outgrew the complex of being an ugly duckling.
However, motherhood brought this debate back in my life again. Expert tips & unsolicited advices kept pouring in to make me understand that my baby needs lots of grooming to fit into the category of typical ‘Awww…so cute’ kids. The advisory panel ranged from my neighbors, relatives, friends & their families, my maid and even sometimes complete strangers!

She is so hairy…. apply ubtan (a paste of turmeric & chickpea flour) regularly on her and especially on her face. Facial hair does not look good on girls!! Here, I strongly put my foot down to let my baby go through this torturous procedure.

Her hair density is so less… it would look so bad later on. I have one very good solution for this problem… burn some jute, mix it with onion juice and then apply it on her scalp. Ewww.. this one completely turned me off. I almost sniggered on that honorable lady’s face.

Why don’t you apply Kajal (kohl) to her eyes? Eyes would be wider and look beautiful if you apply Kajal regularly. Excuse me!… have you heard of anything like genetic traits? Even my maid emphasized this idea and when I tried to circumvent her advice by saying that ‘Doctor has asked not to apply it’… pat came the reply, ‘You can always wipe it off on those days you are visiting doctor!’

You should keep on tracking her height regularly…… if she inherits her dad’s height then there is no problem otherwise early consultation with doctor can help. Yes, I am shorter than any average Indian women. But till the time my daughter is achieving her developmental milestones, I don’t find any reason to bother our pediatrician.

My list remains incomplete without mentioning the numerous comments I got to hear regarding my baby’s weight. She had always been on the normal range of the ideal weight mentioned in clinical charts. However, she is not chubby and sort of devoid of any ‘baby fat’. People after showing concern with my kid’s lankiness, keep on thrusting various weight gain recipes, force feeding technique, and even suggested ‘Nazar Utarna’ (negating the evil eye effect). I have now stopped giving explanations to them at all.

Anyway, winding back to the beginning of post, it compelled me to think ‘why it is so important for a baby to look pretty, cute & chubby?’ Even the aggressive marketing of consumer products through media reinforce this theory of ‘good looking’ babies. Quote any advertisement of products meant for kids and you can see kids with physical features mentioned in that nursery rhyme hopping gleefully on the screen. But why should I blame the media only. We are a nation obsessed with skin lightning & fairness products , smearing it on face only is a passé ….. now even the armpits & vagina are not left alone. This fascination is injected early in the kids by projecting chubby, fair babies as benchmark and it prolong life time with matrimonial advertisement like ‘V.Fair, pretty, slim & tall girl wanted’.

This is a widely understood fact how the self-esteem of kids gets affected with this discrimination based on physical traits. And it remains a fact. I came to know from a friend who is a teacher in some big-shot international school that even in school extracurricular activities the kids with ‘pleasing (read pretty)’ faces are given preferences for the first row on stage. Has the school bothered to care about the self-esteem of that average looking kid pushed to the last row?

So, within my caliber, I can at least help my daughter grow up in a way so that she can shrug off the fascination of people with clichéd physical traits with her confidence & self-esteem.

This was my post in Parentous.com

WoW - 7

It was too dark. Her head still felt heavy. Partial awake but somehow in trance, she tried to recall the course of events. Damn, she can’t remember a thing except the feeling that she was very elated to go out for her first ever date.

Her wrists are hurting with the rope tied around it. She tried to scream but realized that the gag has blocked her voice. Petrified, injured she tried to wriggle out that bond, but failed. Tears oozed and trickled down her cheeks.  Slowly few other incidents flashed in her memory screen. She recollected how she skillfully lied to her parents to go out on this date with her online chat friend. How could have she divulged the truth to them, they still consider her a kid. She is grown up, she is fifteen!!

They had chatted for almost last six months every day without fail. He now understands her so well. Initially bit hesitant but later she became quite comfortable while chatting with him. His thoughtful quotes, humorous one - liners, philosophical reassurances compelled her to go gaga over him. So, when finally he proposed to meet her, she found herself in seventh heaven.

She bunked her tuition classes and reached the scheduled spot almost on time. His tall built & dashing looks completely swayed her mind. She pinched herself to check whether she is still dreaming or what!!. Then after a while they went for a long drive. It was month of May, so they halted near a shop to get some cold-drinks. But, then…. After that….she can’t recall a single thing.

She again wrestled with the bondage but gave up soon. Drenched in sweat she lay there motionless. It was still as cemetery outside. Only sound she can hear is of dry leaves & some crickets creaking. Suddenly, she heard some footsteps and a ray of street light flashed in as the door is opened. All she can see a tall shadow leaning near the door. Suddenly, ‘His laughter broke the silence’. She was zapped. It is him!!! A shiver ran down her spine.

Now she is able to find the missing pieces of the Zigzag puzzle of her abduction. He had laced the drink with something which made her unconscious.

He creepily came near her and tried to feel her body. She squirmed in repugnance & shut her eyes.  Her parents’ faces reeled in front of her. They are so right…she is indeed a kid, a damn stupid kid!!!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

WoW - 3

She cannot remember when actually she started believing this cliché and made it a pattern of her behaviour  Every time she does something which follows an awaited result to be declared, she would keep her fingers crossed. And how cannot she forget to mention the chocolate treat after that!!!

Sneh, a bright girl, always showed her mettle is every aspects of life she explored…be it academics, sports, cultural activities, social networking or even in managing her relations. As a kid her dad always encouraged her girl and somehow she aped him in believing on this cliché. ‘Keeping my fingers crossed….’ she had murmured numerous times,hiding her crossed fingers from public eye while eagerly waiting for the winners list. The moment her name was loudly announced as a winner for various diverse activities as elocution, dancing, dramatics, board exams, various entrance tests….the list is long, her dad has treated her with a big bar of chocolate.

She enjoyed her winnings moments in school prior to which she always ‘kept her fingers crossed’.

She topped the city in her college final year and she does remember herself muttering ‘keeping my fingers crossed….!!’ under her breath the whole morning the day results were out. She duly received the big bar of chocolate from her loving & proud dad.

She made it to best corporate giants of the country in the campus interviews. I was ‘keeping my fingers crossed’ till my name was publicized…she recalls.

She met that tall dark handsome colleague….., it was ‘Love at first sight’ for her!! ‘I had been keeping my fingers crossed so many times while we dated’, she recollected. And it worked…he proposed her in the best romantic way over a beautiful candle lit dinner. She ordered Chocolate Fudge Cheesecake for dessert that night.

Her wedding was a dream come true event for her. Her parents ensured grandest wedding of the city by spending a fortune beyond others imagination. Sneh walked the mandap glittering in diamonds, expensive silk and oodles of gold. Although couple of years has already passed since that eventful day, relatives & guests still talk about that grand extravagant wedding.

But her life took a curvaceous turn from there. Dreams shattered after hitting the harsh world of reality. Her confidence, self-esteem & trust were trampled bit by bit by the same person around whom she has woven her silky dreams. Her soul was insulted each day with worse form of verbal abuse. Her inner self was stripped naked by that beastly alcoholic spouse embellished with filthy abuses. She blamed it all on his addiction to alcohol. She thought ‘Otherwise he is such a nice person…just that this alcohol dependency catalyses his inhuman behavior. I am keeping my fingers crossed…..one day everything would be fine’.

But it did not. Apart from verbal abuses he swung to merciless beating. He did not even budge from his violent behavior when she was pregnant. Sneh tolerated this cruel domestic violence with the hope that the birth of their child might bring the betterment in his personality.

Then on a fateful day, inebriated with alcohol he hit her in her tummy and crushed all bleak hope she ever had. He killed their unborn child. She was numb with mental & physical trauma. He unabashedly projected it as an accident to everyone else. She literally lost her voice after that and never protested his version. He has now the perfect alibi even in front of public for seeking refuge in alcohol and drugs.

After few days, an ambulance had to be called to their house to take him to hospital. Hospital staff carried his unconscious body to the hospital…..She accompanied them with a stoned expression on her face. Doctors diagnosed it as overdose of alcohol. He died within couple of hours.

But during those two hours nobody noticed her crossed fingers beneath her saree’s pallu. She muttered continuously ‘I am keeping my fingers crossed…..’ which everyone misunderstood as a prayer of a devoted wife for her dying husband. Finally doctors released his death certificate citing reason of death as ‘natural’ (overdose of drugs & alcohol).

Sneh rushed to the departmental store next to the hospital.

She asked: Do you have that dark chocolate bar whose advertise campaign says ‘You just don’t buy it, YOU EARN IT’…. Can you give me two of that!!!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

E.T.A. : This also got selected as one of the best entries for the theme. :-)

Strange, weird ...Hallucination!!

Yeah...I would love to hallucinate about a neat & clean home, with lunch-dinner-whatever already cooked, Mishti engrossed in her books & crayons and me- sipping a tall glass of any damn soothing drink, dangling my legs over the sofa armrest while reading a book!!!

But this post is not about my hallucination…I heard about very strange incident yesterday, so thought of sharing it on my blog.

I am learning to drive (four wheeler!!) from a local driving school……and yes, has already completed six-days out of 15 days course.

This story is what has been told to me by the person who is teaching me to drive. It happened like that while I was nervously clenching the steering wheel and praying that all other vehicles on road just vanish, my instructor suddenly became very busy with his swanky phone( it speaks the numbers when dialed…just like train numbers in those robotic announcements!!). He started talking very loudly in Bhojpuri or eastern UP dialect to his ‘Mai’ while giving instructions to me to change gear & apply brakes. After around 5-6 minutes of this loud conversation, I was visibly irritated. Then he said, Madamjee I was talking to my Mom…we are very worried as my kids are missing!!

Me: What!!! Kids?? How many?? ( the way he said 'Bachhe' prompted me to ask how many..!!)

He: Madam, my 4 kids along with my wife went missing 10 days back… You know, I was sending them home with lots of silver jewellery and cash for my sister’s wedding…..but everything is gone now…

Me: Have you informed the police??

He: yeah…but they are doing nothing…actually I know who has abducted them…he was my neighbor who knew about their journey with so much cash…even one of my co-villager saw him with my family in Gurgaon Bus-depot.

Me: So, you told Police about this person….? Your wife knew that person?

He: Arre…they want some witness…Don’t worry…I am going to settle all these things…Last night I saw that her mind is now on track and she wants to come back to me.

Me: (Just ignoring his blabber..) Why don’t you get in touch with some politician regarding this incident…it can speed up the search.

He: I have already met one, they are of little help….Let’s see if at least I get my kids back….?

Me: ( not very comfortable though...) What…you don’t want your wife back?

He: She can come back but you know Madamjee nobody would talk to her in my village anymore…she would be ostracized!!

Me: (Shocked…trying to change the track) so you said you heard her last night…is that on phone?

He: No no…you know there is a very famous ‘Bangali Baba’ nearby…he showed me in a mirror that my wife is now shouting on that kidnapper to get her back to me. He has taken Rs.4000/- and see already my wife’s mind has changed….now this baba is working on to change that guy’s mind as well…so not to worry, he himself would send my wife back!!

Me: Stunned…aghast..Appalled!!

Array of thoughts engulfed my mind after this conversation. This mixed bag of feelings continued to jumble up within itself. Few were:

• I was taken back that how indifferent that person was about the missing of his wife and all he was worried about his cash/ornaments and kids in descending order.
• May be it is all planned by his wife and she has ran away with the neighbor & cash.
• Some serious kidnapping has happened which links to human trafficking.
• The minuscule rate of literacy and awareness in our country facilitate these crooks (that Bangali Baba) to widen their fraud business while they conveniently play with the mind of emotionally weak harried person.
• Somehow, I felt that he has been smoking pot, thus most of his narrative is his hallucination.

Anyway, I was not comfortable throughout the conversation and was quite relieved when I saw another girl sitting in the car today (it was her first class and she wanted to shadow somebody else.)

Jane Kya Soche Mann Bawra.....

Following the trend of blogging in pointers, here I am just trying to spill out what going in my mind and my life.

1. After reading an article which talks about the different side of Guwahati molestation case, I don't know why but somehow I am feeling disgusted. Read the article and you would know how efficiently media played its role and what kind of politics wrapped mud-slinging is going on over this incident. There were more articles in the same website which enlightened various other aspects of the issue but I felt pukish to read more of it.
2. The photographs of the main accused of Guwahati incident is flooding the virtual world. Might be sharing his snaps would not budge the slacking law system and sick mindset of similar oxymorons but at least that sicko is getting his share of curses & 'badnami' all over his FB page. Social networking has some good aspects as well!!
3. Demise of Rajesh Khanna has given all the news channels enough fodder to last for at least a week now. I am not a great fan of this personality but somehow the songs lip-synced by him and sung by Kishore Kumar are my all-time favourite. I actually detest this person for his chauvinistic persona. But today when they were showing his funeral procession with his immortal songs playing in background surprisingly I felt lump in my throat!!
4. Now on personal front, Can somebody please explain SG that he is not the only daddy in this world who's brat throws tantrums while combing and tying Ariel like ponytails to her hair. Whenever he finds me having a tug-O-war with Mishti for managing her unruly hair, he makes constipated faces and try to act as a saviour for her darling.
5. Some people are really getting on my nerves with their showing off attitude. I understand you are into something big and appreciate your dedication towards your newly chosen career path of 'Direct Marketing system' or what you call it as 'e-commerce'. I have already made you clear that it is not my cup of tea. You might be sleeping on bags of dollars by acquiring this concept in your life, but I am comfortable in my simple mattress. Also, just because you are this self proclaimed entrepreneur now, don't show-off yourself as the most wise person on this planet and others who are not into your 'business'  are morons. The more you put up stirring status on FB, more you prove your immature buffoonery.
6. My belief that 'too much proximity spoils the aura of a relationship' is strengthened while one of our common friends stayed with us for few(??) days. I tried to extend my help in their turmoil times where they had to search for a rented house in Gurgaon after being transferred and genuinely welcome them while they came here to stay for a week. But, later on I felt like being taken for granted when they showed quite casual attitude in their house-hunt procedure and highlighted some negative point or other in every house they see.But it went off the limit when they extended their stay for another week without consulting us even after getting the house on pretext of shifting, getting it cleaned, unpacking .....means they would keep on unpacking their stuff and decorate the house with wall-hangings instead of getting the AC fixed first and would visit my place for dinner & sleep. I don't know I hate acting this mean, but felt taken for granted. Somehow, I feel better as I get these thoughts out of my system!!
7. My weight issue needs serious addressing now. My 'Madhya Pradesh' still looks like as if I am 7-8 months preggo!! I would be visiting my doctor this weekend to get it checked. Let's see what she has to say about it.  My brisk walk schedule took a backseat with array of guest in house as my whole time vanished in cooking only...charged up to start again tomorrow.
8. Suddenly felt that it has been long that I did a post on new antics of  Mishti.,so next post is going to be on li'l brat only :-)

Darlings of Earth...!!

Re-blogged from my post published in 'Darlings of Venus'.


What comes in your mind when in you hear the below mentioned incidents? Like when we hear any crime news  in some 'breaking news' channel, most of us has somewhere in our mind that it doesn't happens in our social circle. Read this:

Incident 1: A mother who delivered her baby 7 months back and has been working in a MNC prior to her delivery has to stay back at her parents' house. Her husband has visited her only twice and MIL once post delivery even if the distance between two places is within 30 Kms. All the expenses of delivery and post that is taken care by the parents of the girl as her own salary/savings account is controlled solely by her husband who happens to be a well known orthopaedic surgeon. They made her and her new born feel uncomfortable & unwelcome in all possible ways. Should I have to mention here that new born is a girl!!!

Incident 2: A single mother who works in a bank is beaten black & blue by her brother. He along with his family members justifies this action as an action he did to discipline (!!) his sister. As per him just because she is earning and has 'no man' in her life to control her therefore he obliged to volunteer for taking up the task of controlling her.

Incident 3: A hearing-speech impaired girl is married off to some person (hiding the truth) by her family members. Obviously they find out & send back the girl to her parent's place while she was pregnant. Her husband was furious that girl's parents have fooled him by passing on a 'defective piece'. Her kid was born at her parent's place and she takes care of her baby whole day. After 3 years, husband comes back and offers to take her back. However he seems not interested in taking responsibility of the kid. Her parents again bundle her up with him and keep the kid with them. They are happy now that their girl is 'accepted' by her husband but completely ignore the pitiable mental condition of the girl who was estranged from her 3 year old.

I am not reading out any newspaper to you. I know all these families and couple of them are even so-called 'well educated'. They stay in this millennium city in up market areas. But how that education or their residential location does make any difference to their Neanderthal mindset and thought process. The XX chromosome is always unwelcome in their families. They want the wholesome control on the women folk of their life. This baton of control is passed on to another man by the institution called 'marriage'. Since childhood she is conditioned to surrender her lever of control to the man of her life...it can be grandfather, father, brother, husband,FIL, BIL, son. Independent thinking, decision making, taking control of her own life are considered a sin for her. Her conditioning make her believe that she is ought to be treated this way and thus even a women also reinforces this biased fact to her children.

While the hate groups of Amir Khan increases manifold after he took up to discuss sensitive topics through 'Satyamev Jayate', can we still choose to behave like 'ostriches in storm'. Amir is not showing something new or bizarre, these are naked truth which lies beneath the various layers of our society. As an individual, we can stand against any discrimination by passing on the right mindset to at least one person or make a difference to at least one life around us. I start this trend by bringing up my daughter with right attitude and groom her to become an independent individual devoid of any gender stereotype...What about you??

Looking forward for that day when all "Darlings of Venus" would also become "Darlings of Earth" in true sense :-D

Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!!!!

I thought writing this post few months back(lazy me can be blamed) but R's Mom post really charged me up and compelled me to blurt out my experience. Thanks RM.

Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!!!!(Translation: Nothing to worry…Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth) has arrived)

This is one common line which I heard from couple of people when Mishti was born. However, not to mention that their tone never had that excitement if in real Goddess of wealth had arrived with a big gunny bag of gold & diamonds!!

The consolation in most of the people’s tone was quite audible. Sorry to say but like reading between the lines sometimes you can hear beyond the lines. Few smart ones quickly said “It doesn’t matter it is a boy or a girl, just a hale & hearty baby”. and they are smart ones to alter their original comments because of my ‘firebrand’(!!) nature but forget to wipe the consolation in their tone.

One of my elderly relative said 'Ohhhh (I am stressing on this big Ohhh)….daughters bring good luck to family'. Excuse me…if I had given birth to a son then why would have his ‘luck quotient’ had been lesser???

When I was in my 2^nd trimester, there were two or three more female colleagues who were expecting. So we used to have our group discussion forum on maternity issues anytime, anywhere…J. Few other female colleagues (generally moms) would also join us. One day, a mom to a 2 year old brought a fun test (a questionnaire kind of list which asks whether you like to eat sweet or salty food, which side of your tummy the baby has more movements…) to decide the gender of the unborn baby. All of us took the test for fun. After an hour I found one of the preggo ladies crying in the washroom. When I asked she told me that how mean of that other lady who deliberately twisted the test and told her it’s a girl!!! I got so irked that I sarcastically said that she can very well exchange her result with mine( I got the result that it’s a boy) and barged out of the restroom. Imagine an educated lady, working in a MNC crying because someone told her she would a mother to a girl….horrible!!!!

She had told me later that how her SIL (a MBA, mother of a male child) says that at least the first child should be a boy so that her importance in her household is maintained. I felt she was also quite convinced with this logic!!!

Another really weird viewpoint I heard when one of my close relative told me that if my genes overshadows my hubby’s genes then it would be a girl  ( we are two sisters only, no brothers  and my hubby has a young brother, no sisters)and vice versa. What a twisted genetic theorem…..I really felt like taking out my notepad & pen and explaining her complete XX & XY chromosome theory!!!!

Some futuristic people advised me to start saving money for my girl. When I asked snapped them if it had been a boy then a saving was not needed, they few got the drift and changed the topic to “money is nowadays such a necessity for better upbringing of a child”.

I really fail to understand why there is crazy attitude to have a son. Might be I won’t ever experience it as my parents never injected this fact that I have done some crime being a girl. We are two sisters and my parents never yearned for a son. When I was pregnant I read the news of a newborn girl killed by her mother in some village, I literally begged to Almighty that “please if a baby boy is in my womb exchange it to someone’s girl who are crazy for a son” (You see…pregnancy hormones were elevated at their best that time…J!!!!)

Jokes apart, I really feel sorry for these people. Some traits are injected so deeply that even high education cannot wash it. Another very common term I had heard that “Ye meri beti nahi beta hai (She is not a daughter but a son to me). This again turns me off. Why can’t we accept our girls as simple human daughters without labeling them as Goddess, good/bad luck charm or a son? Why any daughter has to prove their mettle by camouflaging as a son?

But I had saved the best for the last: My girl is fairer as compared to me and my hubby. So one of the elderly relative told me that “Good she is fair….you won’t face any difficulty while searching a match for her” Damn…Give me a break!!!

Touching Feet - indeed a touchy issue for me!

Here is my take on an age old custom – touching one’s feet for seeking blessings. Being born in a Bengali Hindu family this is something taught to us as basic values (it is an important part of ‘Sanskar’). This custom has different versions to it depending upon its geographical locations…like in Bengal & Assam you have to bend down touch both the feet with your right hand and then touch your forehead. In Northern belt, you can touch the knees and then touch your forehead.

My understanding says this custom is an interpretation of regardless respect for an individual which means that even the dirt of his/her feet is so valuable and pious that you can smear your forehead with it( In Bengali it is known as ‘payer dhulo mathaye newa’ or in Hindi it is ‘Pairon ki Dhool mathey se lagana’). I am not sure about the origin of this practice and I am not going to Google for it. My motive is not to write an essay on touching feet custom but just to highlight the senseless logic behind it. I know many people would digress but this is my opinion and anybody can disagree to it.

This custom is actually a part of every Bengali custom. Few of them are:

• Dashami of Durga Puja (tenth & last day of Navratri) would conclude with this ritual which is an integral part of Bijoya Dashami celebrations when you have to touch all the elders’ feet.
• Marriage ceremony concludes with this ritual when you have to touch all the elders’ feet including your newlywed husband as a mark of respect.
• Bhai-Phonta (A festival when sisters pray and celebrate it for long life of their brothers) also includes touching feet of the elder one by the younger one.
• First day of Bengali New Year starts with touching all the elders’ feet to seek blessings.

This ritual might had made sense in earlier times but in today’s’ scenario it is completely baseless. What kind of special blessing can you receive if you touch anyone’s feet or shoes /sandals /slippers (nowadays most of the people are wearing footwear all the time unlike ancient sadhus!!!). As a kid I really hated this unhygienic part….imagine an uncle of yours is leaving for another city and you went to say him good-bye to the railway station…just before the train moves on you have complete this action to gather the best blessings …obviously he is wearing his shoes that time.

I fail to understand that if I do not touch my elder’s feet, does that makes me less respectful towards them? Those who want to bless me won’t shower it if I just bow down or do a plain ‘Namaste’ (folding hands, joining your palms to greet anybody).  

One more aspect to it which I came to know that when a Bengali Brahmin boy has his thread ceremony (‘Poitey’) after that he is not required to touch anyone’s feet except any elderly person who is Brahmin only. This happened years ago when one of our acquaintance boy who was younger to me stopped touching my grandparents feet even for Bijoya Dashami after his “Poitey” (FYI: We are Kayasthas- not Brahmins). What a hypocritical interpretation, as this Poitey certifies a young lad as Brahmin therefore everyone else is now belittled in front of his newly acquired Brahminism.

I still remember when just a couple of days after my marriage it was SG’s cousin’s marriage and I had to touch everyone’s feet (elders’ feet obviously…special instruction was given to me not to exempt anyone as this might cause a rift showing my less respect for that person). Believe me…I didn’t even looked at few faces as I was too busy in showing the ‘respect’. In this process I even touched feet of one of the distant relative of SG who was of same age as mine….she felt really bad as if I was trying to hide my age and prove myself younger to her ( you see many people are quite touchy about this age issue!!!).

So as per me, only few plus points of this custom are:

You can prove yourself young to other person.

Good exercise for deflating your tummy.

You can check out other person’s footwear very closely……eeeeekkk!!!

Jokes apart, I wonder how any particular custom like this can measure the magnitude of respect for any individual? I can very well touch someone’s feet with zero respect for him/her in my heart. Might be I am thinking as one-eyed deer, so if you think differently, I would like to hear your thoughts as well.

Fading Humanity...

Yesterday morning, I was sitting in my balcony with Mishti for her natural Vitamin- D intake (sun-rays…!!), when I overheard two of my neighboring ladies conversation. One of them who stay just next to my house was narrating her ordeal because of absence of her maid.

I readily empathized with her as she is a lady in her late fifties and has been handling her 3 year old grandson while his parents are abroad for some work assignments. It must be so hard for that old couple to handle that li'l bundle of energy without a maid.The discussion of those two ladies drifted from how irresponsible these maids are, and how easily they do not turn up for work and also do not provide any backup ( yeah…few maids are generous enough to provide  backups also!!!). My neighboring lady was whining continuously and the other one advised her to deduct the salary for the absent days.

Later that day my maid informed me that a 14 year old girl who stays in her locality met with a bad accident last night while returning from work. A truck crushed her and she is battling for her life in some shoddy hospital. But when she told me that this girl used to work in my neighbors’ house then I related that this was the same maid about whom the lady was complaining. I told my maid that it seems nobody knows about it in our apartment. She instantly snapped and said “No, I personally informed all the houses where she worked last night and also requested them to give her month’s salary two days early to her family as a help. Your neighbors said money would only be given on 1^st of every month, not before or after that!!!”  

I was SHOCKED!!!. I do not know my neighbors personally but how people can be so insensitive? I don’t think that their financial condition is a constraint in giving few bucks of money to a needy person. And also, not to forget the morning whining session. That time the lady was aware that the poor girl is in hospital and has not taken leave “just like that”, still she portrayed as if her maid has ran away without informing her. Might be, she is too irritated by handling a toddler all alone. I do not want to be judgmental but are we forgetting the term ‘humanity’? Why our mind is now always in a self-centric mode where we forget to think about anybody outside us & our family!!!!          

                                                       

Ek Se Bhale Do….!!!!!!

Today, all the news channels showing the news of world population reaching the mark of 7 Billion gave me food for thought.  The situation is really alarming. Few weird way-outs flashed my mind viz, compulsory sterilization after two children, rewarding people who has limited their number of kids to one or two. Then this sudden thought also came to my mind that the policy of China “One kid per couple” should be made mandatory in India as well.

But then my thought drifted from this global issue to another social situation that whether second kid should be planned or not.  (Disclaimer: writing post on this topic does not imply that I am thinking of having another baby soon.)

Being a part of urban strata of society, I had discussion on this topic with many of my friends which gave me a chance to look the coin from both the sides. I am trying jot down whatever I heard from people.

For:

The balanced upbringing of single kid is very difficult as parents have to take care of not being too pampering and protective. The small values of sharing, caring and sense of responsibility generally takes a back seat for single kid. Even heard a story of my friend’s cousin who felt had issues in sharing his room with spouse after marriage as he was only child of his parents and was used to of getting everything in his platter only for himself.

Only child are very lonely as the relation shared by siblings has no replacement. Gone are the days when the extended family used to fill the gap. As a teenager, this loneliness sometimes encourages the only child to look out for support and company outside the family in a wrong way. (OMG!! how boring it would have been if I was not able to share all my gossips, thoughts and POV with my sister…still remember how we used to get scolding from my mom for chatting or rather whispering after midnight in bed).

Also heard this one liner from someone: First kid is brought in this world for parents and second kid for the first one!!

Against:

With one kid you can provide him/her the best of everything be it your quality time or financial support.

The world population clock is ticking like anything so this much can having one kid can be sure shot help to the situation.

Some women (already mom of a kid) were horrified to go through that pain and turbulence again.

Personally, I still have a mixed opinion for the scenario. But heard a wonderful option from one of my colleague that have a kid of your own and then adopt the second child…….Good Thought, must say!!!