N = Name Saga

After zipping through the A to Z challenge almost over the half-mark, when N came across, I have to write about my name which incidentally starts with N.

No, in case if you have guessed something, it is not about how I got this name. My dad gave me this name as he liked it…no fancy story attached to it. However, as a kid I never liked my name. I still remember when I was in Class 6^th; I gave my dad the option of changing my name to Neha or Nisha which was obviously turned down instantly!

I hated the fact that no one was able to pronounce my name correctly. Carrying a Bong name in northern belt of India is quite difficult.  I had heard so many versions of my name that it has ceased to amuse me now.  The most common assumption was that it would spell with a ‘V’ instead of ‘B’. Do you remember how Vidya Balan has to interrupt every time in the movie Kahaani when Bongs called her Bidya instead of Vidya…in my case it was vice-versa. Few inquisitive ones doubted my spelling capability and insisted that it has to be ‘Nivedita’ instead of ‘Nibedita’. I had to explain them that Bengali language has no sound like ‘V’ sound…it is either B or Bh.

In school, I heard so many variations of my name in terms of spelling & pronunciation from teachers & fellow students; it ranged from Nivedita, Nebidita, Nibidita, Nibodita, Nebudita and so on!! The college pals were smarter and they shortened it to ‘Nibz’. I felt so relaxed, it was definitely better than to hear twisted sound of your own name!

I can recall one incident, when I was in Class 12^th and appearing for board exams. For viva-voce, we had to face external examiners. I was so terrified in my Physics practical exam. The examiner asked my name. When I told him, he asked its meaning might be to break the ice….I told him that it means ‘dedicated’…He asked immediately, ‘To whom’? I had no answer ready for it so I just said ‘to God’….and he gave me broad smile. The Viva went very well after that.

My office colleagues started with Nibedita but I was rechristened as ‘Nibbo’ or ‘Nibey’ soon. My bosses preferred to call me with last name only. However, while handling overseas client calls it was a mammoth task to tell my name to them and ninety percent of time I had to spell it with phonetic sounds. So, it would sound somewhat like:

I login into a conference call which is spread across various geographic locations of world.

Hi, this is Nibedita Bose from India, site ABC, Operations.

I am sorry, who is there from India??

This is Nibedita….N as in Nancy, I as in India, B as in Bravo, E as in Echo, D as in Delta, I as in India, T as is Tango and A as in Alpha…..and yeah the last name is B as in Bravo, O as in Oscar, S as in Sierra and E as in Echo……..Hmpffff!!! (I always ensured after this to check whether the person on other side was still alive or not!!!)

Another fact with my name is that, I had retained my maiden surname. But, there were many instances when people assumed my last name to be my hubby’s surname. When we applied for my daughter’s birth certificate it came with my name as ‘Nibedita Ghosh’ instead of ‘Bose’, when asked they said that they thought we have mistakenly filled up the form with different surname, so corrected it!!

Many of my office colleagues congratulated me through SmS, after my daughter’s birth. Few of the messages were like: Congrats, Mr. & Mrs. Bose! I didn’t know how to pass on those congratulations to nonexistent Mr. Bose though!

Till now, I have faced so many goof ups about my last name that now a day, I keep my marriage certificate handy for any kind of paperwork involved in Banks or any other offices.

When it was time to christen my daughter, we raked internet to search for a contemporary but easy to pronounce name….the only criteria my in- laws requested that if it can have somewhat related to God. After an extensive search and rejecting almost hundreds of names, we pinned it down to ‘Ishaani’, hoping that it is not easily twisted as my name was.

So, what is your Name’s story?
P.S: After my Teen years, I started liking my name and I love it absolutely now :)

K = Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!

Ok...Here I am cheating. I thought of writing something else for K but some other really silly thing has come up my way. I have already posted this just after my daughter was born. But, thought of sharing it with my fellow A2Zeders....Please pardon me for this cheat post.

Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!!!!(Translation: Nothing to worry…Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth) has arrived)

This is one common line which I heard from couple of people when my daughter was born. However, not to mention that their tone never had that excitement if in real Goddess of wealth had arrived with a big gunny bags of gold & diamonds!!

The consolation in most of the people’s tone was quite audible. Sorry to say but like reading between the lines sometimes you can hear beyond the lines. Few smart ones quickly said “It doesn’t matter it is a boy or a girl, just a hale & hearty baby”. and they are smart ones to alter their original comments because of my ‘firebrand’(!!) nature but forget to wipe the consolation in their tone.

One of my elderly relative said 'Ohhhh (I am stressing on this big Ohhh)….daughters bring good luck to family'. Excuse me…if I had given birth to a son then why would have his ‘luck quotient’ had been lesser???

When I was in my 2^nd trimester, there were two or three more female colleagues who were expecting. So we used to have our group discussion forum on maternity issues anytime, anywhere. Few other female colleagues (generally moms) would also join us. One day, a mom to a 2 year old brought a fun test (a questionnaire kind of list which asks whether you like to eat sweet or salty food, which side of your tummy the baby has more movements…) to decide the gender of the unborn baby. All of us took the test for fun. After an hour I found one of the preggo ladies crying in the washroom. When I asked she told me that how mean of that other lady who deliberately twisted the test and told her it’s a girl!!! I got so irked that I sarcastically said that she can very well exchange her result with mine( I got the result that it’s a boy) and barged out of the restroom. Imagine an educated lady, working in a MNC crying because someone told her she would be a mother to a girl….horrible!!!!

She had told me later that how her SIL (a MBA, mother of a male child) says that at least the first child should be a boy so that her importance in her household is maintained. I felt even she was also quite convinced with this logic!!!

Another really weird viewpoint I heard when one of my close relative told me that if my genes overshadows my hubby’s genes then it would be a girl  ( we are two sisters only, no brothers  and my hubby has a young brother, no sisters)and vice versa. What a twisted genetic theorem…..I really felt like taking out my notepad & pen and explaining her complete XX & XY chromosome theory!!!!

Some futuristic people advised me to start saving money for my girl. When I asked snapped them if it had been a boy then a saving was not needed, they few got the drift and changed the topic to “money is nowadays such a necessity for better upbringing of a child”.

I really fail to understand why there is crazy attitude to have a son. Might be I won’t ever experience it as my parents never injected this fact that I have done some crime being a girl. We are two sisters and my parents never yearned for a son. When I was pregnant I read the news of a newborn girl killed by her mother in some village, I literally begged to Almighty that “please if a baby boy is in my womb exchange it to someone’s girl who are crazy for a son” (You see…pregnancy hormones were elevated at their best that time…J!!!!)

Jokes apart, I really feel sorry for these people. Some traits are injected so deeply that even high education cannot wash it. Another very common term I had heard that “Ye meri beti nahi beta hai (She is not a daughter but a son to me). This again turns me off. Why can’t we accept our girls as simple human daughters without labeling them as Goddess, good/bad luck charm or a son? Why any daughter has to prove their mettle by camouflaging as a son?

But I had saved the best for the last: My girl is fairer as compared to me and my hubby. So one of the elderly relative told me that “Good she is fair….you won’t face any difficulty while searching a match for her” Damn…Give me a break!!!

J = Job Hunt & all the jazz

Job hunt – This is what I am doing since last couple of months. After a break of almost 1.5 years, I planned to join back work. Being a ‘too much planned’ couple, we first created our back up plan after brainstorming for long hours.

Many questions hovered over our mind. How would the li’l one react to the change? What option would be more feasible - nanny or daycare? How we can work out the daily household chores? I raked through all mommy blogs, forums & parenting websites to know more about the ways people juggle between home, Baby & job. The dilemma was high and I was not able to pin down any decision. But, after lots & lots of discussion we finally chalked out a plan.

The first step was to get a full time maid or house help who can support me with household chores. In that way, I can spend some quality time with my kid after coming back from work. Somehow, we were not keen on getting a nanny for my toddler. We got registered in an agency beforetime as heard about delays in getting a maid even after registration. Thankfully, we got a decent maid from that local agency.

Next step was to search for a reasonable and compatible daycare for my kid. We visited almost 6-8 local daycares and finally found a decent one nearby to our place. We wanted to get my daughter adjusted to this new regime first and then my proper job search should start. My li’l one cooperated a lot and now after almost 3 months, she just loves the place.

In the meantime I already uploaded my resume in various job portals and waited for my luck to show some positive sign. However, the timing was not quite appropriate. The first quarter remains a lean period for job hunters as new vacancy are not created in this time. It actually means that most of the companies have their annual appraisal & bonus time in March, and people who want to leave their job for any reason would stick till end of March to receive the annual bonus. Thus February & March went away in very few calls from different consultancies & companies and I appeared for only couple of interviews.

Another factor which I am realizing is affecting my job search in a veiled way is the break of 1.5 years in my career. Many consultancies approached me with job description, but chickened out stating employers do not want any break period for any reasons. Then there are other factors as well which is limiting me from exploring all options. I have to search for a job in Gurgaon only and I cannot go to work in Delhi or Noida because of extensive travel time. Although I have kept myself open for all shift timings (my job profile requires that) but still many employers perceive in advance that a married lady with a small kid in tow would not opt for any shift other than general one.

This is the third month in a row when I am just sitting idle at home. It is getting depressing now and has started taking toll on my mood a lot. I feel the void more as prior to this I was handling my hyper-active toddler for the whole day without any maid or nanny. So, suddenly, with the kid in daycare and all household chores except cooking taken care by maid, I feel myself completely useless sometimes. Although, I am getting now ample amount of time for my favorite passion – blogging & reading but still feel no interest in any of these activities. There are days, when I just shut my PC, throw away my book and sit idly staring the wall. I actually pulled up myself to join this blogging challenge so that it can be diverted from the void.

I = Indiscipline

My previous post talked about my hometown – Allahabad. I am continuing my complain spree about the city. Indiscipline or simply lack of civic & common sense is rushing in the blood veins of the local residents.

I would not reiterate the horrendous way of driving people has adapted here. Traffic rules, traffic sign and indicators of vehicles act as mere showpieces. The person who is driving in front of you can suddenly decide to turn either left or right or even stop at the middle of the road. After this he would even stare you for your ignorance about reading his mind regarding the turn of his vehicle. This terrible driving sense is common in many other parts of India as well.

But here, I want to highlight a different issue which I came across. I went to withdraw money from the Automatic Teller Machine placed in our local market place in Allahabad. I saw a small crowd at the gate of the ATM. From the glass door, I could see more than required number of people inside hovering over the screen of that ATM. I thought that it might have got dysfunctional and turned back to leave from there. My dad was accompanying me. He asked me the reason of hasty retreat and then said this machine is perfectly fine and this is a common scenario in almost every ATM of Allahabad.

No queues….people jostling to enter the cubicle…..apart from the person who is operating his/her account in that machine, there would be many other random people lurking on his/her head. Few are actually waiting for their chance but I was startled when a couple of boys told me that they are just chilling off  as there is an Air-conditioner switched on. I was not able to digest this indiscipline at all…and promptly rushed to the branch of the bank situated next to the ATM. I put forward my complain to one of Customer service representative who looked at me as if I had asked him to take off his clothes!!.
Then, after sometime when he understood what I am saying, he sent a security guard to shoo off the unwanted people from that ATM. It worked for exactly 5.86 minutes and the situation went back to square one after that. I had altercation with couple of people when I insisted on forming a queue and then entering the cubicle alone. They blamed me of wasting their precious time!!

I can never ever imagine of this kind of indiscipline and chaos in Gurgaon, not even in older part of the city. I have seen many unmanned ATM as well where no one has to prompt anybody to form a queue but people by default wait for their turn standing outside the ATM.

What can I call it….Allahabad’s typical nonchalant attitude which resists any new change to its core!

H = Hometown

Allahabad .....My hometown....my birthplace....a small city of Eastern Uttar Pradesh where I had spent almost 24 years of my life. Most people in India & across the world know about this city for MahaKumbh festival. I would not dig deeper into the minutiae of the large scale internationally recognized festival held in Allahabad…Google already has enough information regarding it. Rather, I would traverse through my perception about this city. 

A small religious city which basks in the glory of its numerous temples…some quite ancient & well known….some newly constructed…some huge and flaunts wealth of its devotees…while some just cropped up street side or rather encroaching the pavement almost overnight. 

Another striking feature of this city is its affinity for the preparation of various administrative & civil exams viz. IAS, PCS exams. Various coaching centre of different shapes & sizes have mushroomed all over the city which in turn has given refuge to aspiring ‘red/blue beacon’ students from neighboring villages and smaller towns. This breed of students has taken that spider’s story too seriously who never gave up even after failing multiple times to climb the wall!! They stay in the city in rented rooms while fooling their family members back home with the rosy picture of their dreams of civil services jobs. When asked, they boisterously claim that they are doing ‘Tayyari’ ( preparation) and this can continue till the time they are not crossing the upper age limit for appearing in these exams. I know few person who were staying in my locality when I was a teenager and doing ‘Tayyari’ and are still doing that. Many of them have forged their date of birth so many times you can even spot a balding, way above thirty, gentlemen who still declare himself as ‘Tayyari’ student. In reality, they do nothing other than attending coaching classes & roaming like free bulls in local market places while hogging from various street vendors. 

This city has a perfect laid-back attitude with bagful of vulnerable ego. People do not want to work and you can be looked upon as some alien from different planet if you expect customer service from any commercial point. Any kind of change and upliftment is least welcomed in this city. So, it still remains somehow same what it was a decade back. People have ample amount of free time here……I know few people who used to hang around near the local betel shop, chat endlessly while staring and stripping all female clan passing from that road with their creepy eyes when I was in school/college…i.e. almost more than a decade ago. Last time I visited Allahabad few days back, I found them still there. They have spent their whole life doing the same thing or rather nothing. 

This city still judge you by the clothes you wear…and here I am not experimenting much but talking about how jeans/trousers worn girls are still looked down with raised brows. 

I am not being a cribbing worm here but actually I feel bad when I see other smaller cities zipping past my hometown in development, infrastructure and other positive changes while it foolishly remains aloof from all the changes around it. 

G = Give me another chance!!

Give me some sunshine, Give me some rain, 

Give me another chance to grow up once again. 

All of us have some secret regrets…not exactly regrets but something like “I wish I could have done that”…some unspoken, undone remnants of life. After completing three decades of my life when I look back and walk down the memory lane, I find many such moments which I want to relive with some improvisation. 

I wish I could have spent some more quality time with my grandparents. They stayed with us in the same house and had more than fifty percent credit in our upbringing. I had so many sweet-bitter-lovely memories of them. I feel myself blessed to have their companionship till my twenties. But, even after almost a decade has passed since their demise, I still cringe for their company. 

I wish I shouldn't have wasted my precious time in a useless relationship with a person who never understood me or valued my presence. I missed many fun & enjoyable moments of my life just because I was too bogged down by the insensitive & nonchalant attitude of that person. 

I wish I could have been not so overtly emotionally dependent on that person that even I was scared to speak my mind due to the insecurity in our relationship. I wish I could have asserted my feelings & thoughts more often and understand that it can never drive away the right person from your life but can help to weed out the wrong ones. 

I wish I could have chosen my subjects more wisely in the initial years of my academic life. That time, I only knew that I love Mathematics and it was my strength but along with that came two monster twins’ physics & Chemistry which I was never able to tackle comfortably. 

I wish someone told me, When I was 11 years old that it is absolutely fine to raise hell against that creep who relentlessly sketches excuses to feel my body in a bad way. I wish someone told me that you need not to feel guilty about the whole thing and it is that slime ball who should be ashamed. 

I wish I could have been in touch with more of my school & college mates. I tried to revive the bond later when Orkut & Fb came into existence, but by that time the aura of the bond had already faded. I am still in touch with few of my school friends who studied with me since class 1 and the charisma of our relationship has remain almost intact. But, surprisingly the college friends group hare now only FB friends with whom the relation is tangled in ‘likes, comments & status updates’ only. 

I wish I could have revived my reading passion earlier. But, better late than never. 

I wish I could have stepped into this wonderful blogging world few years back, when it came into existence. 

I wish I could have been more prudent towards my health and shouldn't have neglected the weight issue which has completely gone out of control now……sigh!! 

Ohhh My God…this list is growing so long….rest I am leaving to pen down in some posts…you see, I have to sustain till Z and it is only F now!! 

F = Feku!!

I know this is not an English word, but when I saw #feku trending in Twitter today, I was unable to resist ranting about a bighead feku whom I know very well. Before I precede further let me explain that feku is a Hindi term which denotes a person who brags a lot. So, just thought of taking it out of my system which otherwise I can never say on his face.

This person has joined some ‘pyramid structure networking business’ almost a couple of years back. I really admire his risk taking ability and the dedication with which he has taken up this new assignment in his life. He even left his job a year back so I think he must be doing well in that business. I am not challenging that….and would always feel good if he does well in his life considering him as my childhood friend. He has approached with his concept to us earlier which we had declined politely, but somehow he seems to not understand the term ‘No’. He keeps on his persistence convincing session from time to time.

Now, comes the annoying part. As per his business’s rulebook, he is trying to make use of the social networking sites to show off his successful journey in this business. I have no problem when he posts 86 snaps of his new sedan car in FB which he bought after selling his hatchback. I even do not care when he tries to pass it on as new car which is actually a second-hand buy. But he irritates a lot when he puts up stirring status regarding his buy while demeaning other people who have not joined his business. He keeps on posting insulting status & photographs about corporate employees showing what an unfortunate morons they are who have to slog to earn their living, while he is on his bed of dollars even at 12PM on Monday mornings.

Now days, he deliberately arrives late in our get-togethers citing his busy schedule as reason. Recently he crossed all the limits when he carried his own bottle of liquor of some expensive brand to our parties. He boisterously mentioned that the regular brand which others are having doesn't suits him now and he would prefer this drink only. He never felt any need to show courtesy to offer his ‘expensive brand’ to anyone else.

I understand his show-off attitude is actually the raw material for enticing new prospective clients for his business, but sometimes it becomes too much to handle. But, in the midst of all this drama, he forgets that we are his childhood friends who knows in & out about him…..so, no matter how much he flies his own kite we are aware of his origin & his real self and would never get trapped in his sparkling ‘business’ web.

D = Discrimination

Chubby Cheeks, Dimple Chin

Rosy lips, teeth within,
Curly hair, very fair
Eyes are blue, lovely too
Teacher’s pet, Is that you!
Yes, yes, yes.

I remember getting upset after reading this rhyme as a kid. It is needless to mention here that I have nothing in common with the hyped physical traits mentioned in the rhyme except the teeth part. I somehow believed the fact that these features propel chances of becoming favorites of our teachers! Obviously when I understood the importance of mental ability, intelligence, common sense, individuality and confidence later on in my life, I outgrew the complex of being an ugly duckling.
However, motherhood brought this debate back in my life again. Expert tips & unsolicited advices kept pouring in to make me understand that my baby needs lots of grooming to fit into the category of typical ‘Awww…so cute’ kids. The advisory panel ranged from my neighbors, relatives, friends & their families, my maid and even sometimes complete strangers!

She is so hairy…. apply ubtan (a paste of turmeric & chickpea flour) regularly on her and especially on her face. Facial hair does not look good on girls!! Here, I strongly put my foot down to let my baby go through this torturous procedure.

Her hair density is so less… it would look so bad later on. I have one very good solution for this problem… burn some jute, mix it with onion juice and then apply it on her scalp. Ewww.. this one completely turned me off. I almost sniggered on that honorable lady’s face.

Why don’t you apply Kajal (kohl) to her eyes? Eyes would be wider and look beautiful if you apply Kajal regularly. Excuse me!… have you heard of anything like genetic traits? Even my maid emphasized this idea and when I tried to circumvent her advice by saying that ‘Doctor has asked not to apply it’… pat came the reply, ‘You can always wipe it off on those days you are visiting doctor!’

You should keep on tracking her height regularly…… if she inherits her dad’s height then there is no problem otherwise early consultation with doctor can help. Yes, I am shorter than any average Indian women. But till the time my daughter is achieving her developmental milestones, I don’t find any reason to bother our pediatrician.

My list remains incomplete without mentioning the numerous comments I got to hear regarding my baby’s weight. She had always been on the normal range of the ideal weight mentioned in clinical charts. However, she is not chubby and sort of devoid of any ‘baby fat’. People after showing concern with my kid’s lankiness, keep on thrusting various weight gain recipes, force feeding technique, and even suggested ‘Nazar Utarna’ (negating the evil eye effect). I have now stopped giving explanations to them at all.

Anyway, winding back to the beginning of post, it compelled me to think ‘why it is so important for a baby to look pretty, cute & chubby?’ Even the aggressive marketing of consumer products through media reinforce this theory of ‘good looking’ babies. Quote any advertisement of products meant for kids and you can see kids with physical features mentioned in that nursery rhyme hopping gleefully on the screen. But why should I blame the media only. We are a nation obsessed with skin lightning & fairness products , smearing it on face only is a passé ….. now even the armpits & vagina are not left alone. This fascination is injected early in the kids by projecting chubby, fair babies as benchmark and it prolong life time with matrimonial advertisement like ‘V.Fair, pretty, slim & tall girl wanted’.

This is a widely understood fact how the self-esteem of kids gets affected with this discrimination based on physical traits. And it remains a fact. I came to know from a friend who is a teacher in some big-shot international school that even in school extracurricular activities the kids with ‘pleasing (read pretty)’ faces are given preferences for the first row on stage. Has the school bothered to care about the self-esteem of that average looking kid pushed to the last row?

So, within my caliber, I can at least help my daughter grow up in a way so that she can shrug off the fascination of people with clichéd physical traits with her confidence & self-esteem.

This was my post in Parentous.com

C = Cuss Words

Few think me as snobbish, few call it my ‘nautanki’, and rest terms it as my arrogance. Why???...I am just not tolerant to Cuss words…not even used in casual way. Any kind of bad language is a turn off for me.

Being brought up in a small city of Uttar Pradesh – where the local dialect is incomplete without a ‘gaali’, my household has always been kept aloof of these words. Even the innocent word like ‘Saala’ was never heard there. Somehow, I cannot enjoy ‘potty or fart jokes’ till now. For the same reason, I found it rather distasteful dialogue while everyone else whistled on it when Salman Khan boisterously claimed to pierce the villain multiple times while confusing him!!

I try to maintain the same environment for my daughter as well. Initially, just after our marriage I expressed my discomfort in any of these ‘filler’ slangs sometimes used by SG. And, he took note of it. He has eradicated all those words from his lingo now.

When I see many people who are unfortunately parent as well using this kind of language even when their kids are around, I feel really pity for those children I had kind of argument with one of my friend about this when she blamed me of being too much protective about my kid regarding this matter. My logic was that I would never try to shield her from the exposure of these words but would want her to understand the reasons of not using them. But, this is going to be one tricky task. I wonder how in near future I can teach my kid about the better 'choice of words' when the whole society is getting more tolerable to this lingo. I blogged about it a year back that how ‘double meaning’ words are creepily getting tucked in our day to day language and we are getting gradually comfortable with it. I am sure many people would find most of these terms quite okay and might think me as ‘human fossil’ but my notions of parenting are crystal clear to me. My dislike for cuss words would continue.

B = Book love

Books…..Needless to mention here that I love reading. My love for books started early when I saw both my grandparents always took up reading as their favorite time pass.  I feel myself blessed to spend my childhood under their guidance while surrounded by books. My reading stint traversed in three languages….Hindi, English & Bengali.

Hindi:

 As a child, I guzzled up all the comic books in Hindi with prime characters like Chacha Choudhry, Billoo – Pinki, Nagraj, Super Commando Dhruv, Doga and many more. Apart from comic strips, I also bought occasionally magazines like ‘Champak, Lot-pot & Chandamama. My fascination with these comic strips continued till my early teen years and then I slowed down in reading books in Hindi. Another Hindi teen magazine which I used to read was ‘Suman-Saurabh’.

Bengali:

I learnt to read this language almost overnight when my dad played this trick and refused to buy me my monthly quota of two comic books in Hindi but in Bengali. Yeah…I read few of those comic books in Bengali as well!!. But, now I am really thankful to my dad for that. Without learning to read Bengali, I would have missed some spectacular literary works by awesome writers like SaratChandra, Shirsendu, Sunil Ganguly, Satyajit Ray, Ashapurna Devi, Leela Mazumdar and many more. I loved the ‘Feluda’ series by Satyajit Roy and have read all his books multiple times.

English:

It started with Enid Blyton in my early teen years. I also subscribed to Reader’s Digest from my school library. I loved to read Ruskin Bond a lot and I still do. Then somehow my reading hobby took a backseat which rekindled in last few years. I have managed to read these & these many books in last few months.

I just want to pass on this passion of mine to Mishti and is somehow able to do so.  She has got a bagful of books which she loves to read out aloud in her own gibberish lingo. Books are the only stuff which can capture her attention till longest duration. Check out this one:

Plzz Don't disturb while I am with my books!

A = Abstract

All the other bloggers who have taken up this challenge officially have already reached till ‘E’, and here I have now finally decided to give this blogging challenge a shot, but not officially. Let‘s see, how fairly I am able to be consistent on this task. I hope I am able to catch them up soon.
However, I am not signing up for this challenge officially . I feel I would not be able to craft my posts as per international visitors. Keeping it as a personal challenge now.

So, I have mentioned A as in Abstract ….abstract thoughts, abstract rants, abstract ramblings. Here, I go.

I took a break of almost 20 days from my blog due to lot many reasons. The primary one being that cold, fever & cough had taken refuge in our household for almost 15 days. Mishti was down with severe cold, cough, throat infection along with bouts of fever & vomiting. For continuous two nights she was whimpering and shrieking. We took her to her regular ped who prescribed some anti-allergic & antibiotic medicines. But , pouring three medicines one after another into her system was a herculean task…..SG had to held her tight, And squeezed the medicines through a syringe in her mouth which she spat out while bawling  with her eardrum-piercing shrieks. So, we decided to switch over to homeopathy this time. Although, I have slightly less trust on it than the allopath way, but that time I just wanted any-pathos medicine going down her system which would recover that wailing kid. Homeopathy worked well…and she was up and running within few days.

We decided not to play Holi this year as it would mean wet clothes, water splashing and rubbing off colors with more water which might recall Mishti’s illness again. It was completely okay for me as I hate playing Holi, however SG was visibly upset. So, I gave him a long lecture on parenting sacrifices which tickled his wounds instead of soothing it!!

We also went for a short trip to Allahabad after Holi. Mishti was unexpectedly very social & enjoyed her stint with her both sets of grandparents. Her vocabulary has increased a lot and she had now started joining two words which we noticed in Allahabad. However, she did showed her true colors in the train journey. She pulled curtains of other people’s compartments, spit from the upper berth, pushed us away from the seats, ran through the coach like Usain Bolt, shouted on the top of her voice and even tried rolling on the floor!

But now, I am back to my regular routine…..bit depressed as my job hunt still remains unyielding. I think this post can be wrapped up now as I would keep other topics as fodder for my other posts.

Just now, realized this abstract term is so helpful when you have nothing concrete to blog and can still tap on the keyboard in an abstract way!

                                                                                        

Children See....Children Do!!

I came across this beautiful video in Facebook which is so thought-provoking. 

A small incident happened few days back established the message conveyed through this video.

I was rushing to drop Mishti to her daycare. The lift of our building was dysfunctional that day. So, I had to carry her through the stairs along with her bags & my purse. All the while she struggled to wriggle out from my hold so that she can run down the stairs on her own. After reaching near the gate, I realized that I forgot my phone at home.
Quite unconsciously, I hissed 'Shit, Shiiiit....'. I was so irritated that I had to climb the stairs carrying Mishti again and it was already late.

The moment it came out of my mouth I realized my mistake. Mishti was looking at me intently! And then she started jumping up and down shouting “Chhit, Chhit”. I felt so ashamed of myself. I distracted her attention to some moving vehicle on road to stop her loud ‘Chhit, Chhit’ but she continued to do so.

I learnt my lesson. These kids pick up our behavior, words & body language so quickly. This is the second instance of this kind; firstone happened when Mishti was bit young. I have to be more careful about it.

Picking up a nice quote from Facebook:

Don’t worry that your children never listen to you, worry that they are always watching you.

Updates Unplugged...!!!

So, here I am back to my normal life. I might have cribbed about its monotonous routine in past but now I realize where my comfort zone lies. Past one month zipped away in my visit to Allahabad to be a part of my sister’s marriage. We came back to Gurgaon with huge baggage of marriage hangover. Although SG says ‘you now have fodder for almost 100 diverse posts in your blog’, I don’t feel like writing even a single word (Blogger’s block!!!!....ehhhh). But as so many changes are floating around in my life , I thought of jotting them down.

• I came back with ailing Mishti who was down with fever, cough & cold. The chest congestion was real bad and gain she has to go through a dose of antibiotics. Doctor advised steam & nasal drops alongwith medicines, both of which next to impossible to be applied on Mishti.
• We had a gala time in the marriage ceremonies. It was whacky tiresome to shop continuously for 10 days prior to that and still missing out few things on the D-day.
• Had a first-hand experience to witness the difference between traditional planning & corporate planning in the event management of the wedding. The generation gap was evident and most of the time it was Me, SG & our cousins Vs or elders ( esp my dad)!
• This wedding reinforced my thought-process about the big fat Indian wedding where money almost flows like water down the drain.
• I managed to get ready on time on the D-day and was first time pretty satisfied with my look. It is not that I am any fashion freak….but I had this desire of looking presentable in my only sister’s marriage. Even SG was looking wow in traditional dhoti-kurta.
• There is a Hindi proverb which says ‘ Sood asal se jyada pyara hota hai’ ( rough translation: The interest amount is more appealing than the principal amount!). Found this line quite true with this Allahabad trip when presence of Mishti diluted much past bitterness and even I received the unexpected wonderful behavior in some relationships.
• Now, as we have planned I am gearing up for my job-hunt. The first step has been covered by hiring a full-time maid from a maid agency. The search for a nice daycare cum playschool is still on.
• My new maid, daycare search & the wedding minutiae demand separate posts so I would soon do that.
• Also, Mishti has added few more words to her vocabulary. This again needs another post….Ahhh poor girl …her mom is so lazy!!!
• Gradually, Mishti is getting back to her normal self. Apart from ill-health she went a psychological change when after being surrounded by so many people all the time she had to be with only two of us here. As SG was not continuously with us there( he went with us came back then again went there before the marriage and came back in 4 days) so Mishti was more clingy to him & she stuck to him as if he might again vanish if she is not in his lap.
• I am yet to write a review of a book from Blogadda and I am almost done with reading that. So expect a book review post soon.
• Also, would like to apologize from my fellow bloggers on whose blog I was regular….I am back and would soon catch up with posts guys!!
• My post was published in parentous.com. Read it here.

So, be prepared for an array of posts in blog. Happy blogging !!

Some knotty thoughts & an incident!!!

It was the morning of Durga Puja MahaNavami. We woke up quite late as slept around 2AM last night after having a super MahaAshtami. We wanted to reach Puja Pandal early because the Puja committee starts distributing the Lunch-Bhog coupon quite early and reaching late meant getting a slot in last batch at around 4PM. Also, I wanted to participate in the couple games organized by the puja committee along with SG, which was slotted to start around 11AM.

Being a last minute person, I realized that my saree needs to be ironed so I sneaked out to the ‘Presswala’ whose shop was nearby while SG was taking a bath. I knew being a perfect planner he would be damn irritated if he knows that I went for this at the last minute. So, I rushed in jet-speed to the shop, got the work done in record time and started almost running to come back home.

Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind “Aunty, Aunty”. I turned back and saw a small girl of about 8-9 years along with a smaller boy of around 3 years age who were calling me. They seem to be kids of some maids/rickshawpuller who were dressed in their best attire for Navami.

Generally, during Navratri there is a ritual of Kanya Pujan where people feed small girls on the 8^th & 9^th (Ashtami & Navami) day and give them some money. So in those days, you can find these small girls loitering around and gathering Prasad from various houses. Anyway, coming back to the scene, I thought these kids must have called me for asking for money or Prasad. My first reaction was irritation. I was getting late and wanted to avert the argument with SG.

Still I stopped and said “yes”.

Girl: Aunty would you take us to our home?

 Me: How can I?? Where do you stay?

Girl: We stay in abc area.

Me: So, you have lost the way??

Girl: No No….I know the way but I am scared of crossing that main road. Can you help us cross that?

Me: Okkk…. (Here I was about to refuse bluntly but suddenly something from inside held me back)

Me: OK..Come with me. Are you sure you can go to your home once you are on the other side of road?

Girl: Yes Aunty, I know my way to home.

I took them to the main road helped them to cross it. I stood there till the time those kids disappeared into their lane. She waved me before taking the turn. I waved back and again started rushing towards my home.

I felt so good. It was nothing like I had done some great social-service but a streak of contentment lingered in my heart. I don’t know what happened to me or what compelled me to say yes to them. I am quite a non-believer in Puja rituals and also generally try not to promote begging by giving alms to anybody in traffic signals or near religious institutions. But here I want to admit that this thought did flash in my mind that GOD may visit you in different form and test your character. And somewhat, I felt that those kids were just some heralds of GOD who wanted to check out me. I feel amazed at this thought of mine as it is quite unlike me. Human mind is so strange & complicated. It behaves so eccentrically sometimes!

WoW - 2

‘Paradigm shift ‘can be fitted as most the appropriate term for my life. A person who was kind of workaholic or to be more precise loved to spend time in office finishing various assignments at the earliest  or just covering up for various other colleagues( who were on leaves) while handling their team members is now afraid of the word ‘going to work’ . Discussions about her second innings in professional arena after the maternity sabbatical initiates ‘anxiety pangs’ in her biological system now.

During six years of my professional life there were numerous days when I had spent almost 10-12 hours at work…and that too willingly!! I went to work even couple of days before my baby was born. No one ever assumed even when I was pregnant that I would leave my job & would be a full-time SAHM. But then I made my mind understand and took that difficult decision in my perfect senses….and believe me I am not at all repentant about it.

Initially we decided that I would leave my current job & take a break of around six months and would start searching job by March 2012. But, then my sister’s marriage got scheduled later this year. So we postponed the plan as being the only sibling my presence is quite inescapable in all the arrangements & functions…..and expecting & asking leave just after joining job is quite a turn-off for me. Throughout the whole course of discussion I remained torn between excitement to join work & anxious to leave back my baby at home.

However, I would like to admit here that somehow secretly I felt bit relaxed & happy to be able to spend more time with my kid. I hushed away all the anxiety & sloppy thoughts which hovered my mind whenever I thought about my li’l princess being alone with maid or in an alien environment of day-care. Akin to an Ostrich I denied the presence of storm by shoving my head in sand. I even dreaded to discuss this maid vs. daycare option with my spouse and slyly slipped away whenever he initiated the discussion.

But now, it seems that I can no longer avoid this scenario. Sister’s marriage would be over in November…….So I am waking up, now that September has ended.  I have to shake myself to be awake from my blissful dream to face the reality…..I cannot delay my job hunt more. This is turning out to be a tricky situation….. One part of me wants to join back the league pretty badly while the other part want to be with my kid all the time. I am not weighing any rationale behind this state of my mind……these are just pure ‘wants’ of my soul.

My mind is now taking over my heart and is waking up, now that September has ended. I have started extensive search for good daycare and a full-time maid after settling the required criteria with my hubby.  The next in pipeline is updating my resume in various job-portals. Along with all these search & researches my mind is conditioning my heart to be prepared for the forthcoming change & its twin sister turbulence. Let’s see how I am going to face it…..Kya kare Dil hai ki Maanta nahin!!!

I am so thankful to Blogadda for these topics of WoW which is helping me to blurt out my ramblings in form of blogging.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

WoW - 1

I wish someone told me......

When I was 11 years old that it is absolutely fine to raise hell against that creep who relentlessly sketches excuses to feel my body in a bad way. I wish someone told me that you need not to feel guilty about the whole thing and it is that slime ball who should be ashamed.

 I wish someone told me......

When I was standing at the important crossroad of my academic life that instead of just following the herd I should choose the subjects for my 10+2 as per my strength. If I am good at Mathematics then it is not necessary that I can perform well in Physics & Chemistry as well.

I wish someone told me......

When I was wasting time & money in various engineering entrance exams that identify & draw your career path intelligently rather than making futile attempts in the field which does not interest you. I wish someone told me that increase your awareness and opt for various different career paths which align with your inclination.

I wish someone told me......

When was in my late teens & early twenties that this phase of life is not going to come back so don’t try to act maturely in every situation. Enjoy the life, take things bit lightly. I wish someone told me then that acceptance from all cannot be gained. So, don’t feel dejected and disappointed if you are not able to make it to some so called ‘in’ groups.

I wish someone told me......

Leadership capabilities have few dark sides as well. If you love to bask in the glory of being in the front, then you should also be ready to face the brickbats as well. Don’t feel bad when people criticize you….it actually emphasize that your style has something about which people want to talk about.

I wish someone told me......

That it is better not to invest your feelings, emotions & time for a wrong person who gives a damn about it. I wish someone told me that do not be so overtly emotionally dependant on anyone that even you are scared to speak your mind due to the insecurity in your relationship. I wish someone told me that asserting your feelings & thoughts can never drive away the right person from your life but can help to weed out the wrong ones.

I wish someone told me......

About blogging few years back when it came into existence. I am profoundly late into entering this wonderful world of blogging. Anyway, ‘Better late than Never’.

I wish someone told me......About the blissful feeling of motherhood which I am enjoying today few years back. We would have definitely planned our baby earlier hushing aside other priorities of life.

In case, this post appears like some regret post of my life then I would beg to differ.  There are so many unspoken, untold, undone chunk remnants exist in everyone’s life, to which when they look back compels them to ponder about it.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

E.T.A. : This got selected as one of the best entries for the theme. :-)

Mishti-ful Days!!!

Since last week Mishti was not well. The cold & cough relapsed this time with fever within 15 days. The cough was really bad one….poor girl, was getting so irritated with her ill health. Being an adult, we can clear our throat of mucus, but she felt irritated when too much cough ache her throat and would start crying which would end up in more cough. Generally cheerful Mishti was found whining, crying & throwing temper tantrums at the drop of hat.

Initially for two days I gave her some medicine for cold which her ped has prescribed previously, but when her condition remained same, we decided to visit her ped again. SG asked me to take her to hospital where he would join later after his office hours. Our auto ride to hospital was going smooth till Mishti decided to pat auto-drivers back & pull his hair!!! Thankfully, the distance was short… I leaped out of Auto hastily at the hospital after saying sorry to the driver.

While I was getting the appointment at the reception Mishti ran away to the Automatic sensor door at the entrance and started behaving as if she is a magician whose magic powers are making that door open & close again!!!

I had to drag her from there to the OPD. It was a big waiting area surrounded by various doctor cabins. Few things which Mishti did while making me run on my toes are:

• Tried to climb the ‘slide’ (a poly-fibred slide & some other toys were kept there to keep the ‘ill’ children engaged) from the wrong side, i.e. from the slanted side!!
• Tried to scare other kids (even who are twice her size) who came to get a ride to that slide. She scares people with her mouth wide open- tongue stuck out and making a noise ‘Haen- haen-haen’…weird na!!!
• Pushed the slide like an ice-cream cart all over the waiting area.
• Ran around the waiting area like a break less bike!!
• Fiddled with the taps of the water dispenser and deliberately touch the hot water tap and shout ‘Ooohss- Ooohss’!!
• Barged inside the dentist cabin twice & Orthopedics cabin once and then flashing her million dollar smile to the people inside those cabins. I had to catch her as if I am catching some hen and had to apologize to them.
• Climbed up the chair of nurse the moment she went away for some work. After that she pushed the  revolving chair kept there, meant for patients to that nurse’s knee really hard.  I was feeling like arrrrghhhh!!!
• Lied on the floor on her tummy many times……Did anybody mentioned any words like ‘germs or infection’??
• When she saw the sweeper mopping the floor with a large mop with a handle generally used in hospitals, she was amazed with the gadget. She followed that sweeper like the mice followed Pied Piper and went out of that waiting area leaving me behind. Again I had to get her back forcibly.

She is generally scared (??) when I roll my eyes and say ‘NO’….but that day my eyes almost popped out of socket but she gave a hoot. She only stopped her antics and started running when she saw me get up from my seat & rushing towards her.

By the time our turn came, I was exhausted and showering curses to SG who was getting late because of traffic jam. I clearly saw the sympathy for me in everybody’s eyes that were present there. A couple of people were kind enough to catch Mishti when she tried to run away from there!!

Finally, we met our doctor. He administered antibiotics & cough syrup. As soon I came out of his cabin I saw SG coming there. By that time I was gritting my teeth with anger!!

Anyway, after five days, Mishti is quite better now. I don’t know how parent of other toddlers give them medicine, because in Mishti's case it is a mess EVERYTIME. She would shout, scream, hit and spit out the medicine as soon as it is given. One person has to hold her hands & head and another person has to make her open her mouth & squeeze the medicine there.  Man…this is so tough!!!

Another behavior of Mishti about which I am bit concerned is that she has taken up this habit of hitting & slapping people when anything is done against her will. We never hit her.SG says it is the defense mechanism she has developed to stop us from giving medicine, but I am worried. ‘TerribleTwo’ is still 9 months away. Sometime, she vents out her anger & irritation like some adult by shouting & clenching her fist in air.

I banged my head in various sites regarding this violent behavior of Mishti and found it consoling to know that this is going to ‘just a phase’. But till this phase lasts, it is really angering & embarrassing.

Gosh….parenting comes along with so many hurdles!!

JMPE contest won......

Yayayyyy....won the prize for blogging contest by Yashodhara Lal (her debut book Just
Married, Please excuse is launched recently),would be joining the lunch with the writer & Chief Editor of Harper Collins soon.

For a rookie blogger like this is indeed an exciting moment....Looking forward for Saturday. 

Check out other wonderful entries as well....It seems like everyone has some goofy things shoved under their wedding blanket!!!

Again following Smita's book review I have ordered 'Bangalore Calling' from homeshop18. Also, it is so nice of Smita who told me about another website where I can compare the prices of books available in various online stores. Do check it out:

http://www.kbooksearch.com/

The 'Just Married, Please Excuse' Contest

Since yesterday when I bumped into this contest by Yashodhara whose debut book has been launched recently, my blogging fingers itched to jot down few of the weird moments of our married life. Also, how can I not mention the highlighted words which caught my attention like “Mamagato”, “Gurgaon”, “free copies of book” and gave me a bleak hope that being a blogger from Gurgaon might act as an added advantage in my favour. (errr kidding….huh! :-))

As I go through Yashodhara’s blog and keep reading her previous posts, I regret why I have not been at her space earlier….Anyway, better late than never!

So here I try to recap few incidents related to our marriage and just after that.

Our marriage ceremony was packed with ‘comedy of errors & misunderstandings’. All Baraatis dispersed & went back home leaving few young cousins and an aunt of SG behind even before the completion of marriage rituals due to some stupid misunderstandings. The groom side priest took advantage of the situation and left hastily after them citing some weird excuses without completing all the important rituals….like Saptapadi or Saat pheras was skipped completely!!

In the midst of all these confusions, while my side priest was conducting the ritual of ‘Sampradan /Kanyadaan’, another funny incident happened which we noticed only when the video recordings were seen later.  SG’s knowledge of Bengali language is quite limited…while he can speak it mixed with a perfect north Indian accent, he, kind of struggles and gets confused if somebody speaks in fluent Bengali. So we saw in the video that SG was trying hard to follow instructions from our priest about when to repeat the ‘shlokas/mantras’, when to fold hands and so on. When the priest asked my dad to repeat after him the mantras of Kanyadaan, he also instructed SG to keep his hand on mine. GOD only knows  what SG understood & the next thing we saw him repeating the mantras of ‘Kanyadaan’ after the priest. So, in case we take all these rituals seriously( I generally don’t..!) it indicates that my dad performed my ‘Kanyadaan’  to SG and the ‘SG’ did my ‘Kanyadaan’ to GOD knows whom!!

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This second incident falls completely in the category of ‘Just married’ if in case the first one fails to make the entry because of the fact that we were still not ‘completely’ married then.

At the time of my ‘Grihapravesh’ in SG’s house, we had a seriously stupid ritual where I (bride) had to hold a ‘live’ fish kept in a bowl of water with my hand for couple of minutes!!! 

Here I should mention that I am a scaredy cat....I am very scared of any living being (except human) on this earth. Forget about dogs or cats, I cannot even run fingers through furry coat of a cute rabbit or birds or even pat an innocent cow. A mouse or mole in vicinity can bring out the most ‘versatile’ dance out of me!!! 

Anyway, I digress. Now, when I had to hold that slimy moving fish I was petrified. Being a new bride, I was even not able to refuse to participate in it outright. I tried to put my best brave face forward, but, the very moment my fingers touched that fish which wriggled away splashing water, all my acting skills botched. I shrieked, jumped, shouted and people even witnessed that ‘versatile’ dance by me duly applauded by my perfect hubby in the background!!

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The third incident happened just few days after my marriage when relatives had dwindled back to their home and we were just enjoying our marriage vacation at my in-laws place.

One evening I wanted to eat Momos, but in that city we don't get roadside stalls to buy  momos easily like we get in Delhi NCR. I thought of bugging SG about it and also test his ‘hubby skills’ to fulfill wife’s abrupt demands.

As SG was in FIL’s shop that time so that my FIL can take some rest I tried calling him on his cell phone. When I realized that he has forgotten his mobile phone in his room, I called on the landline number.

(The conversation happened in Hindi)

Me: Hello, Ghosh!! (Yes, I used to call him with his last name)

Other side:  Haan..Kaun? (Yes.. who is this?)              

Me: Sun na….Yahan Momos milta hai kya?? (Listen…Do we get Momos here?)

Other side: Kya…kya chahiye ?? ( What…What do you want?)          

Me: Arre…Momos !!! yahan pe momos kahan milega!! ( Momos!!!....Where can we get Momos here!)

Other side: Jee…ye to hamari dukan me nahin milega…aap kahin aur pata kar lijiye. (This is not available in our shop…you enquire somewhere else.)

Me: ????

Then suddenly I realized that it was my FIL’s voice which I mistaken for SG. And how can I forget that SG is not the only ‘Ghosh’ here but I am surrounded by the whole ‘Ghosh’ clan.  I hurriedly hung up and cursed my stupidity for this ’face-palm’ moment!! When SG came to know about it…..like a perfect hubby, he shared it with everyone in the family embarrassing me to the core.

While writing this post, I felt that walking down this specific memory lane is quite fun. Thanks to this contest for letting me revive this enjoyment.