Wish someone took care of those warning signs timely...!!

Those warning signs were popping their head since long. But nobody took them seriously. Most of the times it was brushed aside by terming it as ‘ladakpan ka josh’!

No one actually remembers when it all started…or maybe it was there since his birth. He was quite young when he hit his sister just because she refused to take his orders. ‘How can she say No to me…I am her brother…she is just a girl!’ a voice inside him thundered. His family members also took his side and punished that girl for bothering her brother. This first warning sign went unnoticed and in a way this incident established his superiority of male gender in his mind.

 As he grew up, complaints came from neighborhood families about his harassing vulgar behavior and obscene gestures towards their daughters. His family members fought with the neighbors defending him. ‘How can they blame our apple of the eye….those girls must be loose in character’, his father shouted. His mother and grandmother confirmed that those girls are a disgrace to society as they wear jeans occasionally. ‘Boys will be boys ..Right’!! Again this warning sign was also never taken care of.

He always witnessed his mother getting beaten up by his father on petty issues. But, no one in his family ever interfered. He grew up learning that women folk need to be taken control of, and if required violence is necessary to make them toe the line.

After few years, he saw a girl whom he proposed after stalking & passing crude comments. He felt he was in love with her. But surprisingly, she seemed not interested in him. ‘How can she say No to me…I am obliging her by showering my love on her…she is just a girl!’ his mind ranted. She needs to learn a lesson. He abducted her with the help of few friends and raped her. ‘Now she would know what a MAN I am’. The girl’s father complained to the local Panchayat. The Panchayat and other villagers were astonished by the shamelessness of that father. ‘He is making a public farce of his daughter’s rape….ladki ki izzat to gayi!!’ the Sarpanch (head of Panchayat) commented. Anyway, they have to take a decision. So, they ordered that girl to get married to that boy (her rapist). ‘She is already impure now...Who would marry her…at least this boy is decent enough to forgive her for complaining against him and marry her!’ Another big warning sign was twisted to act in his favor.

His married life was similar to that of thousands other couples of this country where domestic violence and tolerating it was a part of fulfilling their marriage vows. He even hit his wife the day after their daughter was born. ‘She deserves to be punished because of her faulty womb which produces a girl’. All the family members’ supported him in his barbaric act. By now, his fire of confidence has been fueled enough as he came out of all these incidents unscarred nonchalantly.

Then one winter night, while driving back from his work on the chartered bus, he saw another girl walking with her friend and seeking public transport. ‘Ohh these city girls, how can they walk at this hour of the day out in streets’, He thought while hatching a heinous crime in his mind. ‘She seems to be asking for it….She needs to be taught a lesson!!’  He did not bat an eyelid to commit the odious felony with his bunch of friends by violating that girl’s physical as well as psychological space. The aftermath of this incident was astonishing …at least to the rapists. Whole country came out in the streets to protest against the barbaric act they committed that night. They demanded for his death sentence. He was confused….. 'I never did anything unusual this time, I am the same person who treated female clan in this way throughout my life…then what is new today? Why are they overreacting?’ He pondered behind the prison bars.

Do we still need the moral of this story? This story is though fictitious with strong resemblance to many individuals of our country who are brought up and conditioned to treat the women in this manner. They are a product of rotten mindset which still prays for male child to be born in their family, who still treat female members of family as the B-grade citizen. The moral of the story strongly conveys the fact that ignoring or feigning unawareness to these kinds of warning signs gives birth to socio-psychological criminals who can rob the humanity of its robe.

Ignoring any warning  signs can lead to worse problems

This post is my entry for Indiblogger contest in association with My Healthy Speak Blog

T & U = Television & Unlimited Regression

So, here I am, trying my best to return to my blogger self. I lost the steam since Q and only posted some cheat posts after that. Now as I had failed to write anything for T so thought of combining it with U.  

I am here talking about Daily serials of Indian Television industry.- ‘Kkkkkk soaps’. Those who are not able to make out its meaning, I am actually referring to mindless, gaudy, overtly melodramatic daily soaps of Indian Television. But why…Kkkkk soaps? Well, I am trying to name this horrible genre of TV soaps with its origin…. How can we forget that this all had been started by ‘so called’ TV soap queen – Kekta Madam (Don’t you dare to disintegrate the K from her name!!!).

I am not getting into the details that how & when this genre changed the face of the TV industry. No. I won’t say that I miss those weekly TV serials or old Series like Buniyaad, Humlog or anything else similar to that. Everything has transformed into glossier & more glamorous now a days so why only blame Television.

You surf through any Hindi entertainment channel ( why blame only Hindi, any other regional language channel are also same), and you would find almost cloned story plots, overdone faces, horrendously kitschy outfits, loud acting and loads of glycerin. Even though chronologically we are in 21^st century but the trash kkk soaps which are aired actually compel you to go back to some 18^th or 19^th century. I observed few different channels which cemented my belief that they are somehow trying to give us a ride in time machine.

A young girl of in her twenties who was shown widow of the protagonist of the show is made to wear spotless white saree even though her spouse died months back. And this too when the story backdrop is not rural but the national capital of India.

Another channel is showing that how a couple who got married against their parent’s will &permission is trying hard to get the acceptance in the family. So, the videshi DIL has to pass certain tests set by the head of the family. The nature of those tests varies from wearing a saree, washing whole house after drawing water from the well, preparing food for the whole 56 member family, or singing devotional songs with correct pronunciation in the temple even before the sun rises. The dutiful DIL keeps on participating in those tests with a big smile plastered to her face and without even uttering a single protest.

An illiterate eve-teaser or to be precise a molester forcibly marries an educated girl and the next 1000 episodes are aired justifying his passionate love which forced him to own that woman without her consent. She was shown to fall in his love after some hundred episodes when she realizes he has a golden heart which contains obsessive love for her!!!

A contemporary girl gets married and a 360 degree makeover takes place. She is shown roaming around only in sarees, accessorized with big ‘Mangalsutra’ and the vermillion is somehow placed in her hair-parting with help of a ruler or scale which is generally found in a student’s geometry box!!

Any woman with a career in her mind and ambitions has to be vile & negative in character. She would soon realize her incompetence in front of the sacrificing housewife who eats her meal only after her family members have been fed and burped!

I can continue to write about these instances endlessly. These regressive tracks are surprisingly the biggest TRP puller. I know so many people including me who don’t watch this stuff but then this fact cannot be negated that a large chunk of population is hooked to these shows and follow them religiously. I know its impact on the literate class is limited only to the imitation of designer outfits & jewelry but the less educated strata are hugely affected in different way. I had discussed with my maid and concluded that somehow many of them believe that whatever shown in these serials are for real or closely connected to reality. Another thing which they believe is that if these serials are showing any regressive track on economically upper class background then it should be followed. As per her, when an English speaking couple is following these mindless track in the serials then it must have some logic and reason.

These regressive serials in all the channels are actually spamming our entertainment quota. Far away from reality, these monotonous & senseless shows keep on mushrooming through all the channels irrespective of language or religion.

P = Pedophilic Perverts

Fear, guilt, anger, frustration, pain, hate and above all helplessness....these assorted and jumbled feelings numbed their existence. In some cases, multiple times, repeatedly they went through the trauma. Devastated & shattered they suffered those nightmares alone. Few of them were not even able to understand that something wrong is done to them. 

A popular talk show hosted by Amir Khan last year - 'Satyamev Jayate' gave few of them a chance to open up their heart. The show startled many of us by highlighting the huge percentage of Child sex abuse victims. Yes, in India, almost every fifth child unfortunately has been abused sexually. 

I heard somewhere which was quoted on a funny note "We are descendants of monkeys....but the problem is that still we have not stopped descending!!". On a serious tone this is so true...those pedophiles have descended far below the human level.....just that these sickos roam around freely in our society in the garb of a human face. SMJ tried to negate many myths involving CSA. Those who are in blog world might have already been aware of the facts behind these CSA myths through well penned posts during CSA Awareness Month. But for rest of the people it was indeed an eye-opener. I am sure there would be many parents who are not comfortable with 'sex education' of their kids must have been shuddered with the horrifying tales of the victims in that show. 

We need to understand that nor are the CSA victims from any different world neither the abusers. Here at this platform now I can also admit being a CSA victim once. I was never able to muster the courage to tell anyone about it that time. But why?...I shared a very open relationship with my parents especially with my dad. Even then I never opened up with him about this matter. I gave subtle hints but they went unnoticed. 

So, you see it is not only healthy & open relationship with your kids that would help but you have to be observant about their body language & changed patterns of behavior as well. Communicate, be aware & come out of your shell of ignorance. Those scars maul the soul of the child which they carry throughout their life...I might have escaped with a bruise but everyone is not so lucky. However memories of those incidents still leaves sour taste in my persona. 

Once hubby told me that they were discussing episodes of SMJ in his office when one of his colleagues said that "Man, What this Amir Khan is serving as Sunday Brunch, they are showing too much reality, It is so depressing. These cases are only there in newspapers...He could have chosen some other theme for his show". Poor man, I think his taste of reality show is limited only to Big Boss or Splitsvilla!! This mindset of 'ostrich in the storm' would only keep up the spirit of heinous monsters. We can always be in our La-la land and believe that it can never happen to our kids but would that make the issue disappear!! 

One very important quote mentioned in the show was "Respect the behaviour, not the age". This can be quite a controversial statement in reference our Indian Culture. But I personally support its validity. 

But the most important point which was raised in SMJ was that CSA should be considered as a crime and strict laws should be there to punish those pedophiles. Whoa!!!...can you believe that it is still not there in our law books and this bill is yet pending (lying in dust) in Rajyasabha. My personal opinion says that these pedophiles should be prosecuted with stringent laws because they are sick...sick mentally. Otherwise why would a person has to feel up a child's body for any kind of physical pleasure!

I can continue to pour my disgust on this issue endlessly but ending here quoting Amir Khan: 

I’d like to leave you with a thought: perhaps the more closed or narrow minded we are about sexuality, the more repressed it gets, and then it manifests itself in ugly ways. I’m hoping that as a society in time we will reach a stage where we are not frightened of our sexuality. Rather, we learn to deal with it in a dignified, open, responsible and healthy manner. 

K = Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!

Ok...Here I am cheating. I thought of writing something else for K but some other really silly thing has come up my way. I have already posted this just after my daughter was born. But, thought of sharing it with my fellow A2Zeders....Please pardon me for this cheat post.

Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!!!!(Translation: Nothing to worry…Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth) has arrived)

This is one common line which I heard from couple of people when my daughter was born. However, not to mention that their tone never had that excitement if in real Goddess of wealth had arrived with a big gunny bags of gold & diamonds!!

The consolation in most of the people’s tone was quite audible. Sorry to say but like reading between the lines sometimes you can hear beyond the lines. Few smart ones quickly said “It doesn’t matter it is a boy or a girl, just a hale & hearty baby”. and they are smart ones to alter their original comments because of my ‘firebrand’(!!) nature but forget to wipe the consolation in their tone.

One of my elderly relative said 'Ohhhh (I am stressing on this big Ohhh)….daughters bring good luck to family'. Excuse me…if I had given birth to a son then why would have his ‘luck quotient’ had been lesser???

When I was in my 2^nd trimester, there were two or three more female colleagues who were expecting. So we used to have our group discussion forum on maternity issues anytime, anywhere. Few other female colleagues (generally moms) would also join us. One day, a mom to a 2 year old brought a fun test (a questionnaire kind of list which asks whether you like to eat sweet or salty food, which side of your tummy the baby has more movements…) to decide the gender of the unborn baby. All of us took the test for fun. After an hour I found one of the preggo ladies crying in the washroom. When I asked she told me that how mean of that other lady who deliberately twisted the test and told her it’s a girl!!! I got so irked that I sarcastically said that she can very well exchange her result with mine( I got the result that it’s a boy) and barged out of the restroom. Imagine an educated lady, working in a MNC crying because someone told her she would be a mother to a girl….horrible!!!!

She had told me later that how her SIL (a MBA, mother of a male child) says that at least the first child should be a boy so that her importance in her household is maintained. I felt even she was also quite convinced with this logic!!!

Another really weird viewpoint I heard when one of my close relative told me that if my genes overshadows my hubby’s genes then it would be a girl  ( we are two sisters only, no brothers  and my hubby has a young brother, no sisters)and vice versa. What a twisted genetic theorem…..I really felt like taking out my notepad & pen and explaining her complete XX & XY chromosome theory!!!!

Some futuristic people advised me to start saving money for my girl. When I asked snapped them if it had been a boy then a saving was not needed, they few got the drift and changed the topic to “money is nowadays such a necessity for better upbringing of a child”.

I really fail to understand why there is crazy attitude to have a son. Might be I won’t ever experience it as my parents never injected this fact that I have done some crime being a girl. We are two sisters and my parents never yearned for a son. When I was pregnant I read the news of a newborn girl killed by her mother in some village, I literally begged to Almighty that “please if a baby boy is in my womb exchange it to someone’s girl who are crazy for a son” (You see…pregnancy hormones were elevated at their best that time…J!!!!)

Jokes apart, I really feel sorry for these people. Some traits are injected so deeply that even high education cannot wash it. Another very common term I had heard that “Ye meri beti nahi beta hai (She is not a daughter but a son to me). This again turns me off. Why can’t we accept our girls as simple human daughters without labeling them as Goddess, good/bad luck charm or a son? Why any daughter has to prove their mettle by camouflaging as a son?

But I had saved the best for the last: My girl is fairer as compared to me and my hubby. So one of the elderly relative told me that “Good she is fair….you won’t face any difficulty while searching a match for her” Damn…Give me a break!!!

D = Discrimination

Chubby Cheeks, Dimple Chin

Rosy lips, teeth within,
Curly hair, very fair
Eyes are blue, lovely too
Teacher’s pet, Is that you!
Yes, yes, yes.

I remember getting upset after reading this rhyme as a kid. It is needless to mention here that I have nothing in common with the hyped physical traits mentioned in the rhyme except the teeth part. I somehow believed the fact that these features propel chances of becoming favorites of our teachers! Obviously when I understood the importance of mental ability, intelligence, common sense, individuality and confidence later on in my life, I outgrew the complex of being an ugly duckling.
However, motherhood brought this debate back in my life again. Expert tips & unsolicited advices kept pouring in to make me understand that my baby needs lots of grooming to fit into the category of typical ‘Awww…so cute’ kids. The advisory panel ranged from my neighbors, relatives, friends & their families, my maid and even sometimes complete strangers!

She is so hairy…. apply ubtan (a paste of turmeric & chickpea flour) regularly on her and especially on her face. Facial hair does not look good on girls!! Here, I strongly put my foot down to let my baby go through this torturous procedure.

Her hair density is so less… it would look so bad later on. I have one very good solution for this problem… burn some jute, mix it with onion juice and then apply it on her scalp. Ewww.. this one completely turned me off. I almost sniggered on that honorable lady’s face.

Why don’t you apply Kajal (kohl) to her eyes? Eyes would be wider and look beautiful if you apply Kajal regularly. Excuse me!… have you heard of anything like genetic traits? Even my maid emphasized this idea and when I tried to circumvent her advice by saying that ‘Doctor has asked not to apply it’… pat came the reply, ‘You can always wipe it off on those days you are visiting doctor!’

You should keep on tracking her height regularly…… if she inherits her dad’s height then there is no problem otherwise early consultation with doctor can help. Yes, I am shorter than any average Indian women. But till the time my daughter is achieving her developmental milestones, I don’t find any reason to bother our pediatrician.

My list remains incomplete without mentioning the numerous comments I got to hear regarding my baby’s weight. She had always been on the normal range of the ideal weight mentioned in clinical charts. However, she is not chubby and sort of devoid of any ‘baby fat’. People after showing concern with my kid’s lankiness, keep on thrusting various weight gain recipes, force feeding technique, and even suggested ‘Nazar Utarna’ (negating the evil eye effect). I have now stopped giving explanations to them at all.

Anyway, winding back to the beginning of post, it compelled me to think ‘why it is so important for a baby to look pretty, cute & chubby?’ Even the aggressive marketing of consumer products through media reinforce this theory of ‘good looking’ babies. Quote any advertisement of products meant for kids and you can see kids with physical features mentioned in that nursery rhyme hopping gleefully on the screen. But why should I blame the media only. We are a nation obsessed with skin lightning & fairness products , smearing it on face only is a passé ….. now even the armpits & vagina are not left alone. This fascination is injected early in the kids by projecting chubby, fair babies as benchmark and it prolong life time with matrimonial advertisement like ‘V.Fair, pretty, slim & tall girl wanted’.

This is a widely understood fact how the self-esteem of kids gets affected with this discrimination based on physical traits. And it remains a fact. I came to know from a friend who is a teacher in some big-shot international school that even in school extracurricular activities the kids with ‘pleasing (read pretty)’ faces are given preferences for the first row on stage. Has the school bothered to care about the self-esteem of that average looking kid pushed to the last row?

So, within my caliber, I can at least help my daughter grow up in a way so that she can shrug off the fascination of people with clichéd physical traits with her confidence & self-esteem.

This was my post in Parentous.com

WoW - 7

It was too dark. Her head still felt heavy. Partial awake but somehow in trance, she tried to recall the course of events. Damn, she can’t remember a thing except the feeling that she was very elated to go out for her first ever date.

Her wrists are hurting with the rope tied around it. She tried to scream but realized that the gag has blocked her voice. Petrified, injured she tried to wriggle out that bond, but failed. Tears oozed and trickled down her cheeks.  Slowly few other incidents flashed in her memory screen. She recollected how she skillfully lied to her parents to go out on this date with her online chat friend. How could have she divulged the truth to them, they still consider her a kid. She is grown up, she is fifteen!!

They had chatted for almost last six months every day without fail. He now understands her so well. Initially bit hesitant but later she became quite comfortable while chatting with him. His thoughtful quotes, humorous one - liners, philosophical reassurances compelled her to go gaga over him. So, when finally he proposed to meet her, she found herself in seventh heaven.

She bunked her tuition classes and reached the scheduled spot almost on time. His tall built & dashing looks completely swayed her mind. She pinched herself to check whether she is still dreaming or what!!. Then after a while they went for a long drive. It was month of May, so they halted near a shop to get some cold-drinks. But, then…. After that….she can’t recall a single thing.

She again wrestled with the bondage but gave up soon. Drenched in sweat she lay there motionless. It was still as cemetery outside. Only sound she can hear is of dry leaves & some crickets creaking. Suddenly, she heard some footsteps and a ray of street light flashed in as the door is opened. All she can see a tall shadow leaning near the door. Suddenly, ‘His laughter broke the silence’. She was zapped. It is him!!! A shiver ran down her spine.

Now she is able to find the missing pieces of the Zigzag puzzle of her abduction. He had laced the drink with something which made her unconscious.

He creepily came near her and tried to feel her body. She squirmed in repugnance & shut her eyes.  Her parents’ faces reeled in front of her. They are so right…she is indeed a kid, a damn stupid kid!!!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

Some knotty thoughts & an incident!!!

It was the morning of Durga Puja MahaNavami. We woke up quite late as slept around 2AM last night after having a super MahaAshtami. We wanted to reach Puja Pandal early because the Puja committee starts distributing the Lunch-Bhog coupon quite early and reaching late meant getting a slot in last batch at around 4PM. Also, I wanted to participate in the couple games organized by the puja committee along with SG, which was slotted to start around 11AM.

Being a last minute person, I realized that my saree needs to be ironed so I sneaked out to the ‘Presswala’ whose shop was nearby while SG was taking a bath. I knew being a perfect planner he would be damn irritated if he knows that I went for this at the last minute. So, I rushed in jet-speed to the shop, got the work done in record time and started almost running to come back home.

Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind “Aunty, Aunty”. I turned back and saw a small girl of about 8-9 years along with a smaller boy of around 3 years age who were calling me. They seem to be kids of some maids/rickshawpuller who were dressed in their best attire for Navami.

Generally, during Navratri there is a ritual of Kanya Pujan where people feed small girls on the 8^th & 9^th (Ashtami & Navami) day and give them some money. So in those days, you can find these small girls loitering around and gathering Prasad from various houses. Anyway, coming back to the scene, I thought these kids must have called me for asking for money or Prasad. My first reaction was irritation. I was getting late and wanted to avert the argument with SG.

Still I stopped and said “yes”.

Girl: Aunty would you take us to our home?

 Me: How can I?? Where do you stay?

Girl: We stay in abc area.

Me: So, you have lost the way??

Girl: No No….I know the way but I am scared of crossing that main road. Can you help us cross that?

Me: Okkk…. (Here I was about to refuse bluntly but suddenly something from inside held me back)

Me: OK..Come with me. Are you sure you can go to your home once you are on the other side of road?

Girl: Yes Aunty, I know my way to home.

I took them to the main road helped them to cross it. I stood there till the time those kids disappeared into their lane. She waved me before taking the turn. I waved back and again started rushing towards my home.

I felt so good. It was nothing like I had done some great social-service but a streak of contentment lingered in my heart. I don’t know what happened to me or what compelled me to say yes to them. I am quite a non-believer in Puja rituals and also generally try not to promote begging by giving alms to anybody in traffic signals or near religious institutions. But here I want to admit that this thought did flash in my mind that GOD may visit you in different form and test your character. And somewhat, I felt that those kids were just some heralds of GOD who wanted to check out me. I feel amazed at this thought of mine as it is quite unlike me. Human mind is so strange & complicated. It behaves so eccentrically sometimes!

WoW - 2

‘Paradigm shift ‘can be fitted as most the appropriate term for my life. A person who was kind of workaholic or to be more precise loved to spend time in office finishing various assignments at the earliest  or just covering up for various other colleagues( who were on leaves) while handling their team members is now afraid of the word ‘going to work’ . Discussions about her second innings in professional arena after the maternity sabbatical initiates ‘anxiety pangs’ in her biological system now.

During six years of my professional life there were numerous days when I had spent almost 10-12 hours at work…and that too willingly!! I went to work even couple of days before my baby was born. No one ever assumed even when I was pregnant that I would leave my job & would be a full-time SAHM. But then I made my mind understand and took that difficult decision in my perfect senses….and believe me I am not at all repentant about it.

Initially we decided that I would leave my current job & take a break of around six months and would start searching job by March 2012. But, then my sister’s marriage got scheduled later this year. So we postponed the plan as being the only sibling my presence is quite inescapable in all the arrangements & functions…..and expecting & asking leave just after joining job is quite a turn-off for me. Throughout the whole course of discussion I remained torn between excitement to join work & anxious to leave back my baby at home.

However, I would like to admit here that somehow secretly I felt bit relaxed & happy to be able to spend more time with my kid. I hushed away all the anxiety & sloppy thoughts which hovered my mind whenever I thought about my li’l princess being alone with maid or in an alien environment of day-care. Akin to an Ostrich I denied the presence of storm by shoving my head in sand. I even dreaded to discuss this maid vs. daycare option with my spouse and slyly slipped away whenever he initiated the discussion.

But now, it seems that I can no longer avoid this scenario. Sister’s marriage would be over in November…….So I am waking up, now that September has ended.  I have to shake myself to be awake from my blissful dream to face the reality…..I cannot delay my job hunt more. This is turning out to be a tricky situation….. One part of me wants to join back the league pretty badly while the other part want to be with my kid all the time. I am not weighing any rationale behind this state of my mind……these are just pure ‘wants’ of my soul.

My mind is now taking over my heart and is waking up, now that September has ended. I have started extensive search for good daycare and a full-time maid after settling the required criteria with my hubby.  The next in pipeline is updating my resume in various job-portals. Along with all these search & researches my mind is conditioning my heart to be prepared for the forthcoming change & its twin sister turbulence. Let’s see how I am going to face it…..Kya kare Dil hai ki Maanta nahin!!!

I am so thankful to Blogadda for these topics of WoW which is helping me to blurt out my ramblings in form of blogging.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

Mishti-ful Days!!!

Since last week Mishti was not well. The cold & cough relapsed this time with fever within 15 days. The cough was really bad one….poor girl, was getting so irritated with her ill health. Being an adult, we can clear our throat of mucus, but she felt irritated when too much cough ache her throat and would start crying which would end up in more cough. Generally cheerful Mishti was found whining, crying & throwing temper tantrums at the drop of hat.

Initially for two days I gave her some medicine for cold which her ped has prescribed previously, but when her condition remained same, we decided to visit her ped again. SG asked me to take her to hospital where he would join later after his office hours. Our auto ride to hospital was going smooth till Mishti decided to pat auto-drivers back & pull his hair!!! Thankfully, the distance was short… I leaped out of Auto hastily at the hospital after saying sorry to the driver.

While I was getting the appointment at the reception Mishti ran away to the Automatic sensor door at the entrance and started behaving as if she is a magician whose magic powers are making that door open & close again!!!

I had to drag her from there to the OPD. It was a big waiting area surrounded by various doctor cabins. Few things which Mishti did while making me run on my toes are:

• Tried to climb the ‘slide’ (a poly-fibred slide & some other toys were kept there to keep the ‘ill’ children engaged) from the wrong side, i.e. from the slanted side!!
• Tried to scare other kids (even who are twice her size) who came to get a ride to that slide. She scares people with her mouth wide open- tongue stuck out and making a noise ‘Haen- haen-haen’…weird na!!!
• Pushed the slide like an ice-cream cart all over the waiting area.
• Ran around the waiting area like a break less bike!!
• Fiddled with the taps of the water dispenser and deliberately touch the hot water tap and shout ‘Ooohss- Ooohss’!!
• Barged inside the dentist cabin twice & Orthopedics cabin once and then flashing her million dollar smile to the people inside those cabins. I had to catch her as if I am catching some hen and had to apologize to them.
• Climbed up the chair of nurse the moment she went away for some work. After that she pushed the  revolving chair kept there, meant for patients to that nurse’s knee really hard.  I was feeling like arrrrghhhh!!!
• Lied on the floor on her tummy many times……Did anybody mentioned any words like ‘germs or infection’??
• When she saw the sweeper mopping the floor with a large mop with a handle generally used in hospitals, she was amazed with the gadget. She followed that sweeper like the mice followed Pied Piper and went out of that waiting area leaving me behind. Again I had to get her back forcibly.

She is generally scared (??) when I roll my eyes and say ‘NO’….but that day my eyes almost popped out of socket but she gave a hoot. She only stopped her antics and started running when she saw me get up from my seat & rushing towards her.

By the time our turn came, I was exhausted and showering curses to SG who was getting late because of traffic jam. I clearly saw the sympathy for me in everybody’s eyes that were present there. A couple of people were kind enough to catch Mishti when she tried to run away from there!!

Finally, we met our doctor. He administered antibiotics & cough syrup. As soon I came out of his cabin I saw SG coming there. By that time I was gritting my teeth with anger!!

Anyway, after five days, Mishti is quite better now. I don’t know how parent of other toddlers give them medicine, because in Mishti's case it is a mess EVERYTIME. She would shout, scream, hit and spit out the medicine as soon as it is given. One person has to hold her hands & head and another person has to make her open her mouth & squeeze the medicine there.  Man…this is so tough!!!

Another behavior of Mishti about which I am bit concerned is that she has taken up this habit of hitting & slapping people when anything is done against her will. We never hit her.SG says it is the defense mechanism she has developed to stop us from giving medicine, but I am worried. ‘TerribleTwo’ is still 9 months away. Sometime, she vents out her anger & irritation like some adult by shouting & clenching her fist in air.

I banged my head in various sites regarding this violent behavior of Mishti and found it consoling to know that this is going to ‘just a phase’. But till this phase lasts, it is really angering & embarrassing.

Gosh….parenting comes along with so many hurdles!!

Mishti Unplugged - 15 months!!

Mishti is at her peak of cuteness phase now days. So, before I forget what all she does throughout the day, I think it is the high time I should jot it down. And, these post would be really cute to read once she grows up.

She can answer (identify & point with finger) few questions 90% of times successfully ( rest 10% of times just she would only clap instead of answering any questions!!) which are:

Where is the fan?

Where is the clock?

Where is your tummy?

Where is your nose?

Where is your tongue?

She recognizes lizards & refer them as ‘ThikThiki’ (actually lizard is called tiktiki in Bengali). The moment she finds any of these reptiles out on wall, she jumps around , chases them , stomps her feet and tries her best to shoo them away.

Soon she would be declared as an ‘Ant –eater Serial Killer’ by the ants’ community. She has a special liking for ants’ species and her taste buds starts itching when she sees any in sight. She has already chewed up almost 5-6 ants by now! Whenever I see her mauling any I have started saying ‘Please leave it, it is a baby, chhota bachha…leave it please’…….this trick works most of the time to stir her conscience!

At present she is trying her climbing skills all the time. So she is found practicing it with everything with a bit of height like sofa set, table, and bed, her tricycle, big grocery containers etc. However, some slight technical glitch still there which means she climbs up but parks her bums randomly and so most of the times it climbing – wrong bum parking- loud thud- loud cry- mamma picking her up and distracting to some other thing.

She loves the applause we give after she answers every question. Even she joins in for the clapping. Her Mashu has taught her a cheat question. When we say ‘Mishti, when is you birthday?’ she would point her index finger and we have to answer the question in background ‘It is on 1^st of June!!’ Now you understand why I say it is a cheat question, just because she is born on 1^st of any month, it has the easiest symbol attached to it – the index finger!

She has now started understanding simple instructions like ‘Please sit down’, ‘Give it to me’, ‘Come here’ and is able to catch keywords. She knows well for what all things I say ‘No-No’ and move my index finger. So, if she is going to do any of these things first she would look at everyone present in the room and sway her index fingers to them as if they are going to do that and proceeds to do that. Examples are, touching TV screen, pulling out plaster from damp wall, touching shoe rack, mashing the ants …..List is long.

She loves to play with anything which is not her toys. So you can find random utensils, TV remote, cushions, newspapers, shoes lying in every possible places of our house where it is not supposed to be!

She likes to go through her books, although the maximum attention span to them is still very negligible. She can point out the buffalo & pig if that particular page is open. She also raises one hand, sways it and says ‘Yaaaaaaaannnnn’ when asked ‘Elephant says…..?’ . Her book reading process is quite weird though…she holds our finger and makes it go through it and point out various pictures and with every picture we have say what it is like ‘duck’, ‘crow’, ‘horse’ etc.! She likes to read (see) the ‘Ant & Pigeon’ books herself and can identify the hunter when asked.

Her latest achievement is that when I say this question -answer: ‘What is your name, my name is Ishaani Ghosh’, she would say her last name as ‘Go’ with me & then clap-clap-clap!!

She has some previous birth relation with Salman Khan & Ranbir Kapoor….even if their slow songs are aired she is glued to TV set.

I am sure, I must be missing out so many antics of her…leaving it for another post.

Monkeying around with her cycle!!

Maa ka Dupatta Laoongi Wapas...!!!

I had already mentioned in my blog that Mishti is a great fan of music....and if it is teamed up with animation...it becomes 'Sone pe Suhaga'. I have to keep myself updated with new videos as she tend to get bored with them soon...means she would still listen and sway her body but the utility from my perspective (making her eat food!!) reduces to a large extent.

Check Out this Video(esp at 2.08 mins):

Mishti likes this video clip a lot ...giggles &  even shrieks with the crying cat in the animation. But this girl is such a copy-cat and I am quite amazed with the speed these toddlers pick up what they see & hear....So, whenever it shows that part where 'Chulbuli' clench her fist and determines to get back her mom's 'dupatta' from mischievous wind....Mishti also does the same!

Now, even if the video is not there and any of us say "Maa ka Dupatta Laoongi Wapas", she stops and clenches her fist near her waist...and it somewhat looks like Amitabh Bachhan's famous body language when he says "Hain"!!!

We are loving these antics of li'l lady so much that we are repeating that phrase often and like a pro she is also repeating her act!!...Little does she know that her own mom has only two salwar kameez which requires 'Dupatta'...and which she rarely wears, otherwise she is just comfortable in her Kurtis, tees & tops!

P.S. I am bit off blogging nowadays as I ordered & received two books from Homeshop18 recently. I found this site better than even Flipkart...actually I matched prices of few books and found Homeshop18 is far cheaper.

And yes, those two books are although not so latest but I found them interesting through Smita's book review page.

1.) Secrets & Lies

2.) Bombay Duck is a fish 

What if....!!!!

What if , my maid has not noticed Mishti dangling her legs out of staircase railings on time? My heart just shudders with the mere thought of what had happened next. I am still feeling that numbness in my thought-process.

I am feeling so guilty. I admit the responsibility of today's could-have-happened mishap lies completely on me. So, learnt the lesson by heart and would never-ever repeat my actions.

Today I had to visit my orthopaedic for regular check-up & a blood test at around 6PM. SG was supposed to come back late from work. My sis has left early for her office. In evening I got Mishti ready and send her my neighbour's place (their apartment is just opposite to ours, same lobby). Mishti likes to play with their pet dog and even the lady is quite affectionate towards her. She is a mid-aged lady with two grown-up kids. I have taken her advice in lot many matters related to parenting and found her tips always useful. Let me call her V.

As my hospital is nearby, so I thought that I should let Mishti play there, in the meantime I can come back from there and also taking her to hospital without any reason meant inviting fresh rounds of infection (last time she rolled on the floor there & licked the chairs in the waiting area!!!). I asked my neighbour and she heartily agreed. 

When I came back, I met another next-door neighbour(P) of mine in the housing complex lawn. ( We have three apartments in every lobby). She informed me hesitatingly about the incident. My maid who also works at P's house came out after finishing her work and found Mishti has climbed almost 7 stairs in the lobby and is dangerously dangling her leg outside the iron railing which is between second & third floor. Those grills have enough gap which could have caused something fatal. I can thank my stars that in few of those grills P's FIL has tied some nylon ropes as their kid is just an year older than Mishti...and those gaps are really dangerous for small kids.

My maid rushed back to P's house and called her who came out and thought Mishti sneaked out of our house. She started calling me. V suddenly came out after hearing this commotion and took Mishti back to her house apologetically. She admitted her carelessness and accepted that her attention got diverted as an important person ( some priest!!)*** came to her house and that is why even her iron grill door was half-open through which Mishti managed to sneak out!!

P repeatedly asked me not to lose my temper or react adversely while narrating the incident. Surprisingly, I did not felt any anger or grudge for my neighbour V at all. It seemed to me that my mind did not allowed me to think about what could have happened. Strange numbness engulfed my thoughts. I went to V's place and did not mentioned anything that I know about that happening. She herself told me and I did not gave any heed to the matter further. I somehow held myself responsible for all this...I should not have left my kid like that. 

And also if you are not a parent of a toddler ( or have forgotten the feeling), you cannot relate to the amount of vigilance we keep on these kids....whatever we do our one eye is fixed on them. So I am not able to blame that lady V....her attention span just shifted for hardly five minutes and Mishti managed to set out on her exploration trip!!

Anyway, lesson of the day, I am not going to leave Mishti with anybody other than few of my close people till the time she is not able to take care of herself.

Thank You GOD for being there.

*** Why the priest visited her place is an interesting story which is matter for another post...that might explain why she got distracted with his visit.

Jane Kya Soche Mann Bawra.....

Following the trend of blogging in pointers, here I am just trying to spill out what going in my mind and my life.

1. After reading an article which talks about the different side of Guwahati molestation case, I don't know why but somehow I am feeling disgusted. Read the article and you would know how efficiently media played its role and what kind of politics wrapped mud-slinging is going on over this incident. There were more articles in the same website which enlightened various other aspects of the issue but I felt pukish to read more of it.
2. The photographs of the main accused of Guwahati incident is flooding the virtual world. Might be sharing his snaps would not budge the slacking law system and sick mindset of similar oxymorons but at least that sicko is getting his share of curses & 'badnami' all over his FB page. Social networking has some good aspects as well!!
3. Demise of Rajesh Khanna has given all the news channels enough fodder to last for at least a week now. I am not a great fan of this personality but somehow the songs lip-synced by him and sung by Kishore Kumar are my all-time favourite. I actually detest this person for his chauvinistic persona. But today when they were showing his funeral procession with his immortal songs playing in background surprisingly I felt lump in my throat!!
4. Now on personal front, Can somebody please explain SG that he is not the only daddy in this world who's brat throws tantrums while combing and tying Ariel like ponytails to her hair. Whenever he finds me having a tug-O-war with Mishti for managing her unruly hair, he makes constipated faces and try to act as a saviour for her darling.
5. Some people are really getting on my nerves with their showing off attitude. I understand you are into something big and appreciate your dedication towards your newly chosen career path of 'Direct Marketing system' or what you call it as 'e-commerce'. I have already made you clear that it is not my cup of tea. You might be sleeping on bags of dollars by acquiring this concept in your life, but I am comfortable in my simple mattress. Also, just because you are this self proclaimed entrepreneur now, don't show-off yourself as the most wise person on this planet and others who are not into your 'business'  are morons. The more you put up stirring status on FB, more you prove your immature buffoonery.
6. My belief that 'too much proximity spoils the aura of a relationship' is strengthened while one of our common friends stayed with us for few(??) days. I tried to extend my help in their turmoil times where they had to search for a rented house in Gurgaon after being transferred and genuinely welcome them while they came here to stay for a week. But, later on I felt like being taken for granted when they showed quite casual attitude in their house-hunt procedure and highlighted some negative point or other in every house they see.But it went off the limit when they extended their stay for another week without consulting us even after getting the house on pretext of shifting, getting it cleaned, unpacking .....means they would keep on unpacking their stuff and decorate the house with wall-hangings instead of getting the AC fixed first and would visit my place for dinner & sleep. I don't know I hate acting this mean, but felt taken for granted. Somehow, I feel better as I get these thoughts out of my system!!
7. My weight issue needs serious addressing now. My 'Madhya Pradesh' still looks like as if I am 7-8 months preggo!! I would be visiting my doctor this weekend to get it checked. Let's see what she has to say about it.  My brisk walk schedule took a backseat with array of guest in house as my whole time vanished in cooking only...charged up to start again tomorrow.
8. Suddenly felt that it has been long that I did a post on new antics of  Mishti.,so next post is going to be on li'l brat only :-)

Darlings of Earth...!!

Re-blogged from my post published in 'Darlings of Venus'.


What comes in your mind when in you hear the below mentioned incidents? Like when we hear any crime news  in some 'breaking news' channel, most of us has somewhere in our mind that it doesn't happens in our social circle. Read this:

Incident 1: A mother who delivered her baby 7 months back and has been working in a MNC prior to her delivery has to stay back at her parents' house. Her husband has visited her only twice and MIL once post delivery even if the distance between two places is within 30 Kms. All the expenses of delivery and post that is taken care by the parents of the girl as her own salary/savings account is controlled solely by her husband who happens to be a well known orthopaedic surgeon. They made her and her new born feel uncomfortable & unwelcome in all possible ways. Should I have to mention here that new born is a girl!!!

Incident 2: A single mother who works in a bank is beaten black & blue by her brother. He along with his family members justifies this action as an action he did to discipline (!!) his sister. As per him just because she is earning and has 'no man' in her life to control her therefore he obliged to volunteer for taking up the task of controlling her.

Incident 3: A hearing-speech impaired girl is married off to some person (hiding the truth) by her family members. Obviously they find out & send back the girl to her parent's place while she was pregnant. Her husband was furious that girl's parents have fooled him by passing on a 'defective piece'. Her kid was born at her parent's place and she takes care of her baby whole day. After 3 years, husband comes back and offers to take her back. However he seems not interested in taking responsibility of the kid. Her parents again bundle her up with him and keep the kid with them. They are happy now that their girl is 'accepted' by her husband but completely ignore the pitiable mental condition of the girl who was estranged from her 3 year old.

I am not reading out any newspaper to you. I know all these families and couple of them are even so-called 'well educated'. They stay in this millennium city in up market areas. But how that education or their residential location does make any difference to their Neanderthal mindset and thought process. The XX chromosome is always unwelcome in their families. They want the wholesome control on the women folk of their life. This baton of control is passed on to another man by the institution called 'marriage'. Since childhood she is conditioned to surrender her lever of control to the man of her life...it can be grandfather, father, brother, husband,FIL, BIL, son. Independent thinking, decision making, taking control of her own life are considered a sin for her. Her conditioning make her believe that she is ought to be treated this way and thus even a women also reinforces this biased fact to her children.

While the hate groups of Amir Khan increases manifold after he took up to discuss sensitive topics through 'Satyamev Jayate', can we still choose to behave like 'ostriches in storm'. Amir is not showing something new or bizarre, these are naked truth which lies beneath the various layers of our society. As an individual, we can stand against any discrimination by passing on the right mindset to at least one person or make a difference to at least one life around us. I start this trend by bringing up my daughter with right attitude and groom her to become an independent individual devoid of any gender stereotype...What about you??

Looking forward for that day when all "Darlings of Venus" would also become "Darlings of Earth" in true sense :-D

Mishti's Birthday Bash....

Although it is more than 12 days now that we have celebrated Mishti's first birthday, but I think it is still not too late to do a post on her birthday celebrations.

Anyway, the fun time started a week before her birthday when her Dadu-Dida (my parents) came down for  the celebrations with bundle of gifts sent by our other relatives in Allahabad. So, this girl got some cash and a   nice pull-along toy ( a big turtle with an umbrella) along with few dresses bought by her Dida. Mishti instantly started pulling the umbrella instead of the string!!!

That week of fun flew away quickly. Me & my sis had long discussion on what should Mishti wear for her party? With her ability to manhandle things easily, we were not willing to let her wear some frilly, lacey party frock which would look crazy out with all roses & strings pulled out within 15 minutes of Mishti wearing it!!. Her Thamma ( my MIL) had sent a nice denim frock but that was bit tight so we went for shopping again :-)

Bought a comfortable short-top kind of dress with least decorations.

On 1st June(her birthday) morning, we went to  Delhi Kali-bari with Mishti . It was sooo hot & humid that we all felt as if we are 'boiled eggs'.

Mishti in Kali-Bari

While on our way back to home we had a nice surprise. My MIL called and said she is waiting for us at the housing complex gate!!! Ohh....she had earlier expressed her health problems as reason for her absence in the party. But like a small kid she wanted to surprise us ...so got the tickets booked in Tatkal and landed directly at our place.

Although we were quite late but still I managed to prepare decent special lunch for Mishti with the help of my mom. For the first time in my life I felt so contented as I present the grand lunch to her.

Mishti was so surprised to see that plate!!!

Truly Bong hmmm!!!

As we had scheduled the party next day i.e 2nd of June so Mishti's Dadu took out for a grand dinner. We all went to a local restaurant which is famous for its 'sizzlers'. Mishti tasted the food and happily looked forward for another bite. After grand food & ice-cream we came back home almost at mid night.

Next day morning it was all chaos at home. First we banged our head at the website of Indian railways to get an instant return ticket for my MIL.When we failed to get any confirm ticket, we booked that available 'waiting list' ticket in the same train in which my parents were going back next day. Now after spending lot of time on the discussion that whether we would go out to have lunch or not, finally it was decided to split into groups. First group included Me, SG , my mom & my MIL would go out, do some shopping & eat lunch in some outside eatery. My sis, my dad & Mishti preferred to stay at home with home-cooked lunch to avoid the scorching heat.

After coming back at around 3:30 PM (that too when we kind of dragged my MIL back from shopping...I told you, she is indeed a kid :-) ), we tried to rest a bit. By 5PM SG was after everyone's life to get ready as we need to reach the venue by 7PM being a host.

After much hotch-potch & utter chaos, we managed to reach the venue by 7:15 PM. We have planned a big party as it would have been the first function on behalf of Mishti. 'Angry Bird' cake reached the venue on time. Our guest started dropping in soon. Although many people disappointed us with their absence but still the guest list went up to almost 60.

Angry-Bird Cake...

Mishti was so happy...she was almost screaming with delight. While the magician performed his feat, Mishti was his morale booster who shrieked & screamed at all his acts. I was very skeptical about Mishti's mood for that day...as she might get cranky seeing so many people. But this girl has inherited her parents' social genes. Like a social butterfly, she crawled all over the place, tried to walk few steps, went everyone's lap who picked her up. She even tried to detach their eyes & nose and scratched their face while bursting into giggles while try to move away their face from her.

First Cake bite from Daddy ..while Mamma & Dadu looking at the celebrity

The snacks & food were good. Due to boiling summers, two drinks - Aam Panaa & Jaljeera were instant hit. After all the celebrations we came back home late at night loaded with gifts. Even after coming home, Mishti managed to continue her exclusive show for another hour and then I forcefully put her to sleep.