Spare the rod, spoil the child

This post was originally published in Parentous.

In Indian context, all of us must have heard this saying ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child’ which denotes that hitting children in the garb of disciplining them has to be an integral part of parenting. But is it mandatory to equalize discipline with physical punishment to make it more effective? I would like to disagree here.

First of all, I fail to understand how anyone can live with the feeling of inflicting pain on anyone else, esp. on small kids. That day, while shopping I came across a couple with their kid of 5-6 years. The kid was absolutely a brat who was creating ruckus in that store. The father was behaving like a stranger while the kid was throwing tantrums to his mother.

The hassled mom slapped the child and twisted his nose hard while asking him to behave properly. The kid screamed in pain and a loud meltdown happened making the matter worse. I almost felt like snatching the kid from her grip. I understand that she might be beleaguered enough but that does not authorize her to behave so violently with her own child.

Instilling discipline in any child’s life & behavior is surely an art. The most imperative factor is being consistent with the discipline regime and your conduct towards it. Hitting a kid to make him/her understand anything might drill the fact in his mind that violence is the only way to get your voice across the other person.

Another important aspect is treating the child as an individual instead of someone of lower level in the authority tree. Respect their feelings and mood swings. Applying this concept is quite hard with toddlers as you have to exhibit lot of patience to understand their mind & vocabulary. But once they can understand that you are there to listen to them patiently, they also tend to listen to you more.

Treat them in the same manner as you would like others to treat you if are not showcasing the desired behavior. Make them feel responsible and wanted instead of treating them as pain in the neck. My two-year old grew some fascination lately with her shoes and insisted on wearing them all the time (might be she was symbolizing it with going out!!). She would climb up the beds & sofas with her shoes on. More I tried to tell her to take off the shoes, more adamant she became.

I even tried to keep a pair of clean shoes especially for home but it didn't work. So, I devised a plan. I showed her how I am keeping my shoes in the shoe-rack while my spouse applauded the act. Bingo… it worked. Now, the moment she comes back from outside, she takes off her shoes and place it in the shoe-rack, though she insists that someone should be there to clap for her!!!.

Consistency in our behavior while disciplining, also includes that other members of the family also align to the same page. The child should not get confusing signals from different approach of different elders on the same topic. Following the consensus can actually reinforce the desired behavior in small kids who learn mostly being into repetition mode.

Avoid confusing the child by tightening the noose around their nose one fine morning with the discipline schedule. The change cannot happen overnight. So, if you want your child to behave well in family functions or some birthday party, try incorporating the desired behavior at home as well.

Also, do not give in to tantrums. I know, it is quite difficult and embarrassing when you are in public places but if you fall in to this trap once, then the child would be smart enough to use this tactics next time as well. I choose to ignore my kid’s tantrum completely and continue with my chores if she is rolling on floor or shrieking her lungs out. After some time when she pacifies a bit, I firmly tell her she has to stop howling and reason her out why her demand cannot be fulfilled.

It works sometimes while there are other times when she continues her meltdown. I know many of my friends and relatives with kids of 2-10 years of age, who hit their kids occasionally at times when they can’t take the tantrums any more. But, I haven’t noticed any significant changes in their kid’s behavior because of this spanking. So, why to humiliate our child publicly or scare him/her with slaps?

Concluding the post, I can say that keep the discipline routine positive. Reinforce good manners & behavior by appreciation but never resort to bribe. And, above all always remember your kids observe your behavior too closely and tend to replicate the same. Incorporate the changes in your life which you want to implant in your child’s behavior. It would require a lot of patience & repetition. You may get instigated to raise your hands on the kids but always think about the embarrassment & fear element from the child’s perspective. Sometimes using the rod might spoil the child. Think about it!

June Photo A Day - Day 2, A Moment

A Moment: A moment when my toddler wanted me to sit on that decorated chair meant for newly wed couple in my sister's wedding.

Mishti Unplugged - 23 months!!

Fortunately Mishti's fascination with books is still intact and recently she has discovered the fun of scribbling around with pen, pencil, chalk whichever comes handy. Initially I had a hard time explaining her that she is not supposed to write on walls, furniture, bed sheets and all over her body. But, she understood somehow and stopped her drawings on anything other than paper. But, you see the tricky part is not over. She would keep scribbling on books ( mine & her), news paper, any random letter apart from her designated drawing book. 

 I tried explaining her with lots of random reasons to prevent her from doodling on books. I am not sure what actually worked but she has now limited this activity.

One morning she came to me with the book I was reading that time ( Those Pricey Thakur Girls by Anuja Chauhan). I had won this copy in a facebook contest organized by the publishers. She was shouting while rolling her eyes ' Mamma, Kaano Kaano ( she wanted to say 'keno' which means 'why' in Bengali)'. 

I was surprised but then a big smile flashed on my face when I deciphered the reason. Mishti was showing me the first page where the author has given her autograph ( It was an autographed copy sent to the winners of that contest) and was questioning me assuming I had scribbled on that book!!

See, my mother has already found her replica who can assume her authority in her absence!!

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We got her hair shaved for the first time a month back. So, whenever anybody mentions her about her hair, she would promptly reply 'Aannkal', 'Zzzuuuuzzuuuu', 'Toffee', 'Thangtu'!!!

This is actually her shortened version of the whole hair cutting procedure. If you are still not able to make it then let me explain. An Uncle( Aannkal) cut her hair with a machine which made sound -Zzzuuuuzzuuuu. After that she was given 'toffee' by him and she said a sweet Thank You ( Thangtu)!! Now you get it!!

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She tries her best to recite many nursery rhymes but we are able to make out only a word or so. 'Tinkle Tinkle lili starrrr (Twinkle-Twinkle)', ' Baba Bashir ( Baa Baa Black Sheep)' and 'Hunty Dunty ( Humpty-Dumpty)' are the few which we are able to make out a bit but there are lot many which she performs with full action but alas we are not able make anything out of them. So, the best option is applaud loudly after her every pause!! Also, very funnily, she says 'Theek hai - Okay - Bye' after she finishes reciting any rhyme!!

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Maa ...and few realizations!

‘I am writing a Tribute to Mom in association with Parentous.com‘

I had always been the pain in the neck for my Maa (mother) in my own ways. It started while she was heavily pregnant with me and I created ruckus inside her womb from 8^th month only. She had to brave the labor pain for almost four days before giving birth to her first born - that’s me. Yes…you read it correct, FOUR days in severe pain!! Even after my birth I had to send to neo-natal care immediately as my head was bloated with water and most of the people who were eagerly waiting outside the labor-room thought me to be a still-born baby. I heard my birth story almost billion times from all my family members but somehow was never able to relate with the anxiety and tension surrounded with the whole anecdote. I actually enjoyed being the central character who managed to captivate everyone’s attention. But, it seems that destiny has its own plan and timing for teaching us the lessons of life.

When I underwent labor pain which fortunately lasted for only 3 hours, I shuddered at the mere thought that how must have my Maa had tolerated this acute pain for 96 long hours! My daughter had to be admitted NICU (Nursery-ICU) for 24 hours just after her birth because of the excessive bilirubin count (jaundice). I cried and stayed awake for the whole night. Needless to mention here that how I felt like an ungrateful slime ball who never appreciated her mother.

I had been selfish enough throughout the first twenty-five years of my life when I really took her for granted. I rarely cherished her mundane errands which kept her busy the whole day. I understood their significance when I lived alone in another city for my job. The realization part amplified once I got married and had to handle a household of my own. All those chores which she took care and I thought them as automated ones danced like devil in front of my eyes. I wished secretly so many times to hop into time machine and go back to those days when I didn’t acknowledge her efforts.

Last year when I suffered from a type of temporary Anosmia ( a medical state when you lose the smelling sense) and felt like a handicap person by losing one of the important senses  of my life. I felt so incomplete. Then I realized how difficult it was for her to deal with her hearing problem for so long. She is hearing impaired from one ear since her teenage days. But, she had been all ears for her kids to that extent that I was not even aware of her hearing problem for the first decade of my life.

None of her physical shortcomings created hurdle for her as she learned to deal with outside chores with same zeal as she participated in household work. Now, she takes care of the entire bank, post office related jobs, various bill payments and even filing income tax return. She keeps herself updated with the national & international news by her regular dosage of news paper and TV channels.

Today, life comes to a full circle when my toddler sways her hand and says ‘No’ to her Tiffin while munches happily whatever is there in her daycare friend’s lunch box. I can understand how she had felt when I compared my lunch box with my school mates’ box many times. I had been rude to her, acted so difficult sometimes and now I know that I might have to face the same music few years down the line.

Thus, I am taking this opportunity to say ‘Thank You Maa’ for all what you have given, all what you have restricted, for whatever you have taught, whatever you have instilled in my mind to make me the person what I am today. I now can comprehend what you used to say ‘'having a kid is like letting a part of yourself roam outside your body'’!

Two person in this world who made me understand the real meaning of Motherhood 

O = Ohhh -ho!!

O as in Ohhh- ho!! This is the exclamatory word which my 23 months old daughter – Mishti has picked up lately. And yes …. It is me who uses this term often, so my girl has to pick it up.

Ohhh- ho Mishti…you have again spilled water!

Ohhh- ho why have scratched all over your body with this sketch pen!

Ohhh- ho why are you climbing the dining table?

MIshti comes back from Daycare and she starts saying or rather asking for ‘Baba Bashir’. I didn’t get the clue….Has she met some stranger with this name? But, as far as I know nobody in her daycare has this name? It doesn’t even sound like name of any other kid in daycare?  I scratched my head to make out what or whom she wants actually.

By this time, her irritation has reached peak level. She shouted, Ohhh- ho Mamma…..Baba Bashir!!

Me: Mishti, What Baba Bashir dear….Who is he??

Mishti: Ohhh- ho, Ohhh- ho, Ohhh- ho…… Baaaaaabaaaa Bashiiiiir ….peeezze (please).

Me: Baby I am not getting it...What do you want me to do?

Mishti: Ohhh- ho Mamma....Peeezee…Baba Bashir. And she starts crying.

I quickly pick her up and try to divert her attention. After a while when she got distracted and completely forgot about ‘Baba Bashir’!

When hubby came back from work, I told him about this mystery man ‘Baba Bashir’. Even he couldn’t understand what it is! Later in the evening, Mishti sat with her daddy to read her dozens of books. Suddenly, she picked up her rhymes book, opened one particular page and yelled ‘Baba Bashir’. We ran to look at it.

Gosh….she was talking of Baa Baa, Black sheep…that famous rhyme!!!

It happened that although she read this rhyme at home, but that day it was taught to her in daycare. And generally they teach these rhymes with some animated dance & actions. Mishti wanted me to do that when she came back home. But, poor baby, with a mom who was not able to comprehend her language, it was a herculean task for her to make us understand what she want.

Ohhh- ho!!!

K = Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!

Ok...Here I am cheating. I thought of writing something else for K but some other really silly thing has come up my way. I have already posted this just after my daughter was born. But, thought of sharing it with my fellow A2Zeders....Please pardon me for this cheat post.

Koi Baat Nahin…Lakshmi Aayi hai!!!!(Translation: Nothing to worry…Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth) has arrived)

This is one common line which I heard from couple of people when my daughter was born. However, not to mention that their tone never had that excitement if in real Goddess of wealth had arrived with a big gunny bags of gold & diamonds!!

The consolation in most of the people’s tone was quite audible. Sorry to say but like reading between the lines sometimes you can hear beyond the lines. Few smart ones quickly said “It doesn’t matter it is a boy or a girl, just a hale & hearty baby”. and they are smart ones to alter their original comments because of my ‘firebrand’(!!) nature but forget to wipe the consolation in their tone.

One of my elderly relative said 'Ohhhh (I am stressing on this big Ohhh)….daughters bring good luck to family'. Excuse me…if I had given birth to a son then why would have his ‘luck quotient’ had been lesser???

When I was in my 2^nd trimester, there were two or three more female colleagues who were expecting. So we used to have our group discussion forum on maternity issues anytime, anywhere. Few other female colleagues (generally moms) would also join us. One day, a mom to a 2 year old brought a fun test (a questionnaire kind of list which asks whether you like to eat sweet or salty food, which side of your tummy the baby has more movements…) to decide the gender of the unborn baby. All of us took the test for fun. After an hour I found one of the preggo ladies crying in the washroom. When I asked she told me that how mean of that other lady who deliberately twisted the test and told her it’s a girl!!! I got so irked that I sarcastically said that she can very well exchange her result with mine( I got the result that it’s a boy) and barged out of the restroom. Imagine an educated lady, working in a MNC crying because someone told her she would be a mother to a girl….horrible!!!!

She had told me later that how her SIL (a MBA, mother of a male child) says that at least the first child should be a boy so that her importance in her household is maintained. I felt even she was also quite convinced with this logic!!!

Another really weird viewpoint I heard when one of my close relative told me that if my genes overshadows my hubby’s genes then it would be a girl  ( we are two sisters only, no brothers  and my hubby has a young brother, no sisters)and vice versa. What a twisted genetic theorem…..I really felt like taking out my notepad & pen and explaining her complete XX & XY chromosome theory!!!!

Some futuristic people advised me to start saving money for my girl. When I asked snapped them if it had been a boy then a saving was not needed, they few got the drift and changed the topic to “money is nowadays such a necessity for better upbringing of a child”.

I really fail to understand why there is crazy attitude to have a son. Might be I won’t ever experience it as my parents never injected this fact that I have done some crime being a girl. We are two sisters and my parents never yearned for a son. When I was pregnant I read the news of a newborn girl killed by her mother in some village, I literally begged to Almighty that “please if a baby boy is in my womb exchange it to someone’s girl who are crazy for a son” (You see…pregnancy hormones were elevated at their best that time…J!!!!)

Jokes apart, I really feel sorry for these people. Some traits are injected so deeply that even high education cannot wash it. Another very common term I had heard that “Ye meri beti nahi beta hai (She is not a daughter but a son to me). This again turns me off. Why can’t we accept our girls as simple human daughters without labeling them as Goddess, good/bad luck charm or a son? Why any daughter has to prove their mettle by camouflaging as a son?

But I had saved the best for the last: My girl is fairer as compared to me and my hubby. So one of the elderly relative told me that “Good she is fair….you won’t face any difficulty while searching a match for her” Damn…Give me a break!!!

D = Discrimination

Chubby Cheeks, Dimple Chin

Rosy lips, teeth within,
Curly hair, very fair
Eyes are blue, lovely too
Teacher’s pet, Is that you!
Yes, yes, yes.

I remember getting upset after reading this rhyme as a kid. It is needless to mention here that I have nothing in common with the hyped physical traits mentioned in the rhyme except the teeth part. I somehow believed the fact that these features propel chances of becoming favorites of our teachers! Obviously when I understood the importance of mental ability, intelligence, common sense, individuality and confidence later on in my life, I outgrew the complex of being an ugly duckling.
However, motherhood brought this debate back in my life again. Expert tips & unsolicited advices kept pouring in to make me understand that my baby needs lots of grooming to fit into the category of typical ‘Awww…so cute’ kids. The advisory panel ranged from my neighbors, relatives, friends & their families, my maid and even sometimes complete strangers!

She is so hairy…. apply ubtan (a paste of turmeric & chickpea flour) regularly on her and especially on her face. Facial hair does not look good on girls!! Here, I strongly put my foot down to let my baby go through this torturous procedure.

Her hair density is so less… it would look so bad later on. I have one very good solution for this problem… burn some jute, mix it with onion juice and then apply it on her scalp. Ewww.. this one completely turned me off. I almost sniggered on that honorable lady’s face.

Why don’t you apply Kajal (kohl) to her eyes? Eyes would be wider and look beautiful if you apply Kajal regularly. Excuse me!… have you heard of anything like genetic traits? Even my maid emphasized this idea and when I tried to circumvent her advice by saying that ‘Doctor has asked not to apply it’… pat came the reply, ‘You can always wipe it off on those days you are visiting doctor!’

You should keep on tracking her height regularly…… if she inherits her dad’s height then there is no problem otherwise early consultation with doctor can help. Yes, I am shorter than any average Indian women. But till the time my daughter is achieving her developmental milestones, I don’t find any reason to bother our pediatrician.

My list remains incomplete without mentioning the numerous comments I got to hear regarding my baby’s weight. She had always been on the normal range of the ideal weight mentioned in clinical charts. However, she is not chubby and sort of devoid of any ‘baby fat’. People after showing concern with my kid’s lankiness, keep on thrusting various weight gain recipes, force feeding technique, and even suggested ‘Nazar Utarna’ (negating the evil eye effect). I have now stopped giving explanations to them at all.

Anyway, winding back to the beginning of post, it compelled me to think ‘why it is so important for a baby to look pretty, cute & chubby?’ Even the aggressive marketing of consumer products through media reinforce this theory of ‘good looking’ babies. Quote any advertisement of products meant for kids and you can see kids with physical features mentioned in that nursery rhyme hopping gleefully on the screen. But why should I blame the media only. We are a nation obsessed with skin lightning & fairness products , smearing it on face only is a passé ….. now even the armpits & vagina are not left alone. This fascination is injected early in the kids by projecting chubby, fair babies as benchmark and it prolong life time with matrimonial advertisement like ‘V.Fair, pretty, slim & tall girl wanted’.

This is a widely understood fact how the self-esteem of kids gets affected with this discrimination based on physical traits. And it remains a fact. I came to know from a friend who is a teacher in some big-shot international school that even in school extracurricular activities the kids with ‘pleasing (read pretty)’ faces are given preferences for the first row on stage. Has the school bothered to care about the self-esteem of that average looking kid pushed to the last row?

So, within my caliber, I can at least help my daughter grow up in a way so that she can shrug off the fascination of people with clichéd physical traits with her confidence & self-esteem.

This was my post in Parentous.com

Learning the other language...!!

Almost three languages are spoken simultaneously in our household – English, Bengali & Hindi. But now a day we are trying hard to understand a fourth language which is Mishti’s language. Our little lady is on a mission to increase her vocabulary by manifold by every passing day. She would mimic whatever she hears. But most of the time she comes up with some new word which would refer to that original word. Thus a completely new lingo evolves which we try to comprehend by ‘hit & trial’ method.

As I spend more time with her than hubby, I am able to make out almost 80% of her gibberish. No, I won’t term it as gibberish as she tries her best to talk sense just that the words are in some alien form!!

Few of the typical words Mishti uses and have no link to the original word are:

Gaga – Nope, she is not talking about that shockingly dressed singer but she uses it for drinking water!

Gog – Any other water other than drinking water. I think she started saying ‘Jol’ (bong word for water) as gog and then evolved this gaga.

Boonu – This means button.

Kichin – We first thought it as ‘kitchen’…but later realized that she is referring to ‘chicken’!

Patta – Now this one is easy to guess – Pasta

Fitti – She calls herself Fitti (Mishti)

Pain – Here airplane is referred.

Boonoon - Balloon

Kaapi - ???? I don’t know what it is but she says it a lot and gets irritated when we do not understand.

There are lot many other words like ‘mino’, ‘panzi’ , ‘tabita’ , ‘tima’ which we are not able to decipher till now.

Apart from this she loves to read her books with us and her favorite are the animal & the vegetable book. So within her limits she tries to pronounce them and which results is calling Elephant  as phant, peacock- peepock, crocodile as koki, squirrel as skoowee, horse as show ( and she says taga-taga just after that), monkey as pumkey, capsicum as gumgum, cauliflower as flarr-flarr, cabbage as papage and so on.

She loves her mongi book ( mowgli- jungle book) a lot and pretends to read it loudly for constant 4.86 minutes at a stretch. I got her few panchatantra story books which has bright pictures with one story in a book. Mishti loves these books and make us to read those stories almost 80 times a day.

Another phrase she has picked up from me is : ‘Ehhh ehhh chhi chhi dirty’. So each time we come across any heap of sand, mud, or soil she would loudly parrot this phrase.

She has found this new silly game where we open Google images and she would say any word, I would type it and she would give amused look as soon as various images pops up. So, it goes like this:

Mishti: Dondey dondey (donkey)

I type it. Different pics of donkey flood the screen. Mishti claps vibrantly and says yayyy dondey dondey.

It continues with different words like ‘soap’, ‘shoes’, ‘clock’, ‘lion’, ‘bag’, ‘phone’ or any other words which she is aware of. But this game takes a hilarious turn when SG sits with her. He understands half of what she says and then types those words on pure guess. Result is: Mishti gets more irritated while not able to make her daddy understand what she want -  Daddy keeps on asking ‘Okay tell me what do you want’ – Mishti shrieking more in frustration!!

Hit-back or Not!!

Few days back I witnessed a familiar incident in the lawn of my housing complex where many kids of age group 4-10 years were playing. Suddenly one of them pushed another kid after some verbal arguments and soon it turned out to be a freestyle wrestling show between those two boys.

One of the boys’ elder siblings of around 12 years of age appeared in the scene and started bullying the other kid. Few other kids also joined the fight and then it was utter chaos supplemented with loud cries by both the boys. They went back to their respective home and later in the evening we witnessed another round of verbal duel between their parents.

This incident compelled me to think that how would I react if my child is bullied or hit by some other kid. Even for that matter how should I tackle those incidences if my child gets involves in these kinds of fights. Although at present she is too small but within a couple of years I have to let her play with group of kids in my neighborhood.I can teach her not to hit others but what if this result in her getting bullied repeatedly.
Kids are generally taught to report these incidents to teachers in school & other adults when at home but I have witnessed that after sometime even people other than parents discourage the complains of the child and other kids might brand them as ‘cry baby’. Also, there would be times when no adult is nearby then the course of immediate solution remains translucent.

Read the complete post in Parentous :) Do share your views with comments.

Everything in this world comes with a price tag...

Everything in this world comes with a price tag!!. Why this sudden realization of materialistic nature of world cropped inside me? This insight actually keeps on popping in my head since my daughter was born.

I am a mom who has to take the charge of the turbulent ship of parenting of a 3 month old alongwith her hands-on spouse who was equally naive about parenting as her.  My mother was there to support me during my delivery and she stayed back for couple of months after that. But prolonging her stay was not a feasible option for her. Following months witnessed a completely different persona of mine. I fretted, got irritated and almost gave up lot many times. I took refuge of Google-dev, got myself enrolled in n-number of parenting forums and fished out internet to amplify my awareness about parenting nuances. My mobile phone bills soared with the long duration calls made to my mother & mother-in-law to discuss the changing color of poop of my daughter. Joining back to work became a distant option for me.

As time passed by, the level of challenges to be a nuclear mommy sky-rocketed.  Activities like taking bath & answering nature calls took record minimal time to get completed. Other household errands took place only when ‘her highness’ doze her beauty sleep. I went green with envy for those ladies who had the presence of elder generation at their home and enjoys the wonderful cushion of support system to handle their kids. Sometimes I also did felt selfish about my change of mindset about nuclear family, a concept which I liked till now.

But, few interaction with one of my neighbor who was incidentally a new mom (her kid is only few months elder to mine) staying in a joint family set up compelled me to review the backdrop of my cribbing. 

Read the complete post in Parentous :) Do share your views with comments.

Children See....Children Do!!

I came across this beautiful video in Facebook which is so thought-provoking. 

A small incident happened few days back established the message conveyed through this video.

I was rushing to drop Mishti to her daycare. The lift of our building was dysfunctional that day. So, I had to carry her through the stairs along with her bags & my purse. All the while she struggled to wriggle out from my hold so that she can run down the stairs on her own. After reaching near the gate, I realized that I forgot my phone at home.
Quite unconsciously, I hissed 'Shit, Shiiiit....'. I was so irritated that I had to climb the stairs carrying Mishti again and it was already late.

The moment it came out of my mouth I realized my mistake. Mishti was looking at me intently! And then she started jumping up and down shouting “Chhit, Chhit”. I felt so ashamed of myself. I distracted her attention to some moving vehicle on road to stop her loud ‘Chhit, Chhit’ but she continued to do so.

I learnt my lesson. These kids pick up our behavior, words & body language so quickly. This is the second instance of this kind; firstone happened when Mishti was bit young. I have to be more careful about it.

Picking up a nice quote from Facebook:

Don’t worry that your children never listen to you, worry that they are always watching you.

Mishti Unplugged - Sleep Saga!

Now days, Mishti is put to sleep by SG every night. Mishti still takes milk in her bottle while sleeping, so bottle of milk is prepared, and after changing her diaper, I sneak out of room while SG takes over.

SG: Sleep, sleep Mishti sleep baby…

Ok you want a song…..Imlee ka boota, berry ka ped, Imlee khatti, Meethe berr…..

Imlee ka boota, berry ka ped, Imlee khatti, Meethe berr….. tan a nana tanan ana a

tan a nana tanan ana a ….khrrrr khrrr (daddy snores!!)

Mishti: Ummm….daddy, daaaaaaaaaaddddddyyyyyyy

SG: hmmmm…yes yes…what… Sleep, sleep Mishti sleep baby…

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Another day:

SG: Sleep, sleep Mishti sleep baby…

I think you get bored with songs, I would tell you a story like mamma.

One upon a time….There was a Papa Bear & a Mamma bear. They were best friends and then they got married. Papa Bear worked in Quality department while Mamma Bear work in their anti department – operations.

I had to intervene here. I barge in the bedroom.

Me: What is this? What kind of story is this?

SG: This is Reality based story!!

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Few days ago, Mishti wakes up 15 minutes before my alarm goes off. Very sweetly she starts waking me…Mamma, Mammaaaaa.

I try to pacify her with one eye open….yeah beta….you play with your books (yeah, few of Mishti’s books are kept at bedside as well!)…Mamma would wake up in a while OKkk.

Mishti didn’t gulp that bait and climbs on my tummy saying ‘Tagataga’ (her version of tug-bug of horse riding). I still choose not to wake up. She gets bored.

All of a sudden, I feel some watery droplets tricking on my cheeks. Quickly opening my eyes, I see that Mishti is trying to jostle her empty milk bottle (she takes milk in her sleep around dawn) in my mouth.

Mammma….Dodo…Aaaaa aaaa Aaaaa!

As if she is imitating her bedtime routine with me by giving me milk & singing a lullaby!!!

Motherhood: A Song for life

This post is written as a part of initiative by Women's web - The ‘Motherhood: A Song For Life’ contest in association with Mom & Me, a one-of-a-kind store for mothers and children.

Six years back when I got married, me & hubby had our priorities clear in our mind. ‘Kids!!!...Nahh, We are not ready yet’, both of us were on the same page. Couple of years passed and we still thought the same. Other factors like home loan, achievements in career track reinforced our thought. We were happy & comfortable in a childless life. Then gradually change of mind happened though it took couple of years more.

Like a perfect project flowchart, everything started happening as per our planning. I conceived, confirmed the news by the gynecologist, informed family members and started planning for my pregnancy. But God has some other plans for us. ‘Thud’….. Our dreams crashed with my sudden miscarriage after a month. Array of mixed feelings flooded my mind in the following months. Strange void replaced that earlier contentment of childless life. I started making use of internet to fish out more information about terms like ovulation & follicular study and took particular interest in TTC forums of various pregnancy sites. I waited for those twin pink lines to appear every month with bated breath.

Finally it happened. This time we were extra cautious and rushed to doctor at slightest discomfort. My pregnancy as well as delivery procedure was smooth as hot knife passes through butter. But the real test commenced after that. Handling that 3 month old all by ourselves evolved me into a "Real Mom". Initial days were quite testing and even a continuous sleep of 4 hours was a luxury for me. I am not embarrassed to confess that many times I just felt like running away from everything to Himalayas or simply say 'I am not gonna play this game' like we used to say as kids while playing with friends.

I know it sounds really horrible feeling for a mom while ideally I should have been mushy and cuddly with my bundle of joy. But here I am jotting down the facts. After working for 6 long years I willingly took the decision to be a SAHM. Decision was tough and the change took its own time to get synced with my system. It was hard to adjust with so many changes simultaneously: soiled nappies, breast-feeding, sleepless days & nights, post delivery low phase, the emptiness which I felt after leaving my job, my health issues....list continued.

But I was able sail through all those changes & turbulent times.  I admit that sometimes I do miss those Pre-Mishti days but I really cherish my life with Mishti as well. I may not be an ideal mom but yes, I have my own criterion of being a "Real Mom". I might not fit into typical stereotyped mother figure and some of my parenting techniques even raise eyebrows of many people. 

My notions are very peculiar about parenting. I may not be a typical parent but now I realize the feeling when people say 'having a kid is like letting a part of yourself roam outside your body'. I get scared for her when I see any so called breaking news crime involving small kids. I feel superb when I see her imitating us. I feel contented when she rushes to me leaving everyone else. I love to hear her gibberish talk. I secretly feel proud whenever she achieves her behavioral & development milestones. I crib when she keeps me on my toes the whole day but pine more about the silence when she sleeps off. I freak out when she throws her ‘toddler tantrums’ but somehow feel fantastic that a new individual brimming with emotions is evolving in front of my eyes.

Actually, she has made us complete. Since her birth Mishti has gradually helped a clumsy, gawky, and klutzy girl transform into a paranoid mom who googles all day about parenting tips & tits-bits. It is because of her I started my blog (somewhat wanted to maintain a baby journal) which carted out my veiled love for writing. But altogether, now I love being a mom….yes, a ‘Real Mom’.

Our Family - Complete with Mishti

WoW - 2

‘Paradigm shift ‘can be fitted as most the appropriate term for my life. A person who was kind of workaholic or to be more precise loved to spend time in office finishing various assignments at the earliest  or just covering up for various other colleagues( who were on leaves) while handling their team members is now afraid of the word ‘going to work’ . Discussions about her second innings in professional arena after the maternity sabbatical initiates ‘anxiety pangs’ in her biological system now.

During six years of my professional life there were numerous days when I had spent almost 10-12 hours at work…and that too willingly!! I went to work even couple of days before my baby was born. No one ever assumed even when I was pregnant that I would leave my job & would be a full-time SAHM. But then I made my mind understand and took that difficult decision in my perfect senses….and believe me I am not at all repentant about it.

Initially we decided that I would leave my current job & take a break of around six months and would start searching job by March 2012. But, then my sister’s marriage got scheduled later this year. So we postponed the plan as being the only sibling my presence is quite inescapable in all the arrangements & functions…..and expecting & asking leave just after joining job is quite a turn-off for me. Throughout the whole course of discussion I remained torn between excitement to join work & anxious to leave back my baby at home.

However, I would like to admit here that somehow secretly I felt bit relaxed & happy to be able to spend more time with my kid. I hushed away all the anxiety & sloppy thoughts which hovered my mind whenever I thought about my li’l princess being alone with maid or in an alien environment of day-care. Akin to an Ostrich I denied the presence of storm by shoving my head in sand. I even dreaded to discuss this maid vs. daycare option with my spouse and slyly slipped away whenever he initiated the discussion.

But now, it seems that I can no longer avoid this scenario. Sister’s marriage would be over in November…….So I am waking up, now that September has ended.  I have to shake myself to be awake from my blissful dream to face the reality…..I cannot delay my job hunt more. This is turning out to be a tricky situation….. One part of me wants to join back the league pretty badly while the other part want to be with my kid all the time. I am not weighing any rationale behind this state of my mind……these are just pure ‘wants’ of my soul.

My mind is now taking over my heart and is waking up, now that September has ended. I have started extensive search for good daycare and a full-time maid after settling the required criteria with my hubby.  The next in pipeline is updating my resume in various job-portals. Along with all these search & researches my mind is conditioning my heart to be prepared for the forthcoming change & its twin sister turbulence. Let’s see how I am going to face it…..Kya kare Dil hai ki Maanta nahin!!!

I am so thankful to Blogadda for these topics of WoW which is helping me to blurt out my ramblings in form of blogging.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

WoW - 1

I wish someone told me......

When I was 11 years old that it is absolutely fine to raise hell against that creep who relentlessly sketches excuses to feel my body in a bad way. I wish someone told me that you need not to feel guilty about the whole thing and it is that slime ball who should be ashamed.

 I wish someone told me......

When I was standing at the important crossroad of my academic life that instead of just following the herd I should choose the subjects for my 10+2 as per my strength. If I am good at Mathematics then it is not necessary that I can perform well in Physics & Chemistry as well.

I wish someone told me......

When I was wasting time & money in various engineering entrance exams that identify & draw your career path intelligently rather than making futile attempts in the field which does not interest you. I wish someone told me that increase your awareness and opt for various different career paths which align with your inclination.

I wish someone told me......

When was in my late teens & early twenties that this phase of life is not going to come back so don’t try to act maturely in every situation. Enjoy the life, take things bit lightly. I wish someone told me then that acceptance from all cannot be gained. So, don’t feel dejected and disappointed if you are not able to make it to some so called ‘in’ groups.

I wish someone told me......

Leadership capabilities have few dark sides as well. If you love to bask in the glory of being in the front, then you should also be ready to face the brickbats as well. Don’t feel bad when people criticize you….it actually emphasize that your style has something about which people want to talk about.

I wish someone told me......

That it is better not to invest your feelings, emotions & time for a wrong person who gives a damn about it. I wish someone told me that do not be so overtly emotionally dependant on anyone that even you are scared to speak your mind due to the insecurity in your relationship. I wish someone told me that asserting your feelings & thoughts can never drive away the right person from your life but can help to weed out the wrong ones.

I wish someone told me......

About blogging few years back when it came into existence. I am profoundly late into entering this wonderful world of blogging. Anyway, ‘Better late than Never’.

I wish someone told me......About the blissful feeling of motherhood which I am enjoying today few years back. We would have definitely planned our baby earlier hushing aside other priorities of life.

In case, this post appears like some regret post of my life then I would beg to differ.  There are so many unspoken, untold, undone chunk remnants exist in everyone’s life, to which when they look back compels them to ponder about it.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

E.T.A. : This got selected as one of the best entries for the theme. :-)

Mishti-ful Days!!!

Since last week Mishti was not well. The cold & cough relapsed this time with fever within 15 days. The cough was really bad one….poor girl, was getting so irritated with her ill health. Being an adult, we can clear our throat of mucus, but she felt irritated when too much cough ache her throat and would start crying which would end up in more cough. Generally cheerful Mishti was found whining, crying & throwing temper tantrums at the drop of hat.

Initially for two days I gave her some medicine for cold which her ped has prescribed previously, but when her condition remained same, we decided to visit her ped again. SG asked me to take her to hospital where he would join later after his office hours. Our auto ride to hospital was going smooth till Mishti decided to pat auto-drivers back & pull his hair!!! Thankfully, the distance was short… I leaped out of Auto hastily at the hospital after saying sorry to the driver.

While I was getting the appointment at the reception Mishti ran away to the Automatic sensor door at the entrance and started behaving as if she is a magician whose magic powers are making that door open & close again!!!

I had to drag her from there to the OPD. It was a big waiting area surrounded by various doctor cabins. Few things which Mishti did while making me run on my toes are:

• Tried to climb the ‘slide’ (a poly-fibred slide & some other toys were kept there to keep the ‘ill’ children engaged) from the wrong side, i.e. from the slanted side!!
• Tried to scare other kids (even who are twice her size) who came to get a ride to that slide. She scares people with her mouth wide open- tongue stuck out and making a noise ‘Haen- haen-haen’…weird na!!!
• Pushed the slide like an ice-cream cart all over the waiting area.
• Ran around the waiting area like a break less bike!!
• Fiddled with the taps of the water dispenser and deliberately touch the hot water tap and shout ‘Ooohss- Ooohss’!!
• Barged inside the dentist cabin twice & Orthopedics cabin once and then flashing her million dollar smile to the people inside those cabins. I had to catch her as if I am catching some hen and had to apologize to them.
• Climbed up the chair of nurse the moment she went away for some work. After that she pushed the  revolving chair kept there, meant for patients to that nurse’s knee really hard.  I was feeling like arrrrghhhh!!!
• Lied on the floor on her tummy many times……Did anybody mentioned any words like ‘germs or infection’??
• When she saw the sweeper mopping the floor with a large mop with a handle generally used in hospitals, she was amazed with the gadget. She followed that sweeper like the mice followed Pied Piper and went out of that waiting area leaving me behind. Again I had to get her back forcibly.

She is generally scared (??) when I roll my eyes and say ‘NO’….but that day my eyes almost popped out of socket but she gave a hoot. She only stopped her antics and started running when she saw me get up from my seat & rushing towards her.

By the time our turn came, I was exhausted and showering curses to SG who was getting late because of traffic jam. I clearly saw the sympathy for me in everybody’s eyes that were present there. A couple of people were kind enough to catch Mishti when she tried to run away from there!!

Finally, we met our doctor. He administered antibiotics & cough syrup. As soon I came out of his cabin I saw SG coming there. By that time I was gritting my teeth with anger!!

Anyway, after five days, Mishti is quite better now. I don’t know how parent of other toddlers give them medicine, because in Mishti's case it is a mess EVERYTIME. She would shout, scream, hit and spit out the medicine as soon as it is given. One person has to hold her hands & head and another person has to make her open her mouth & squeeze the medicine there.  Man…this is so tough!!!

Another behavior of Mishti about which I am bit concerned is that she has taken up this habit of hitting & slapping people when anything is done against her will. We never hit her.SG says it is the defense mechanism she has developed to stop us from giving medicine, but I am worried. ‘TerribleTwo’ is still 9 months away. Sometime, she vents out her anger & irritation like some adult by shouting & clenching her fist in air.

I banged my head in various sites regarding this violent behavior of Mishti and found it consoling to know that this is going to ‘just a phase’. But till this phase lasts, it is really angering & embarrassing.

Gosh….parenting comes along with so many hurdles!!

Mishti Unplugged - 15 months!!

Mishti is at her peak of cuteness phase now days. So, before I forget what all she does throughout the day, I think it is the high time I should jot it down. And, these post would be really cute to read once she grows up.

She can answer (identify & point with finger) few questions 90% of times successfully ( rest 10% of times just she would only clap instead of answering any questions!!) which are:

Where is the fan?

Where is the clock?

Where is your tummy?

Where is your nose?

Where is your tongue?

She recognizes lizards & refer them as ‘ThikThiki’ (actually lizard is called tiktiki in Bengali). The moment she finds any of these reptiles out on wall, she jumps around , chases them , stomps her feet and tries her best to shoo them away.

Soon she would be declared as an ‘Ant –eater Serial Killer’ by the ants’ community. She has a special liking for ants’ species and her taste buds starts itching when she sees any in sight. She has already chewed up almost 5-6 ants by now! Whenever I see her mauling any I have started saying ‘Please leave it, it is a baby, chhota bachha…leave it please’…….this trick works most of the time to stir her conscience!

At present she is trying her climbing skills all the time. So she is found practicing it with everything with a bit of height like sofa set, table, and bed, her tricycle, big grocery containers etc. However, some slight technical glitch still there which means she climbs up but parks her bums randomly and so most of the times it climbing – wrong bum parking- loud thud- loud cry- mamma picking her up and distracting to some other thing.

She loves the applause we give after she answers every question. Even she joins in for the clapping. Her Mashu has taught her a cheat question. When we say ‘Mishti, when is you birthday?’ she would point her index finger and we have to answer the question in background ‘It is on 1^st of June!!’ Now you understand why I say it is a cheat question, just because she is born on 1^st of any month, it has the easiest symbol attached to it – the index finger!

She has now started understanding simple instructions like ‘Please sit down’, ‘Give it to me’, ‘Come here’ and is able to catch keywords. She knows well for what all things I say ‘No-No’ and move my index finger. So, if she is going to do any of these things first she would look at everyone present in the room and sway her index fingers to them as if they are going to do that and proceeds to do that. Examples are, touching TV screen, pulling out plaster from damp wall, touching shoe rack, mashing the ants …..List is long.

She loves to play with anything which is not her toys. So you can find random utensils, TV remote, cushions, newspapers, shoes lying in every possible places of our house where it is not supposed to be!

She likes to go through her books, although the maximum attention span to them is still very negligible. She can point out the buffalo & pig if that particular page is open. She also raises one hand, sways it and says ‘Yaaaaaaaannnnn’ when asked ‘Elephant says…..?’ . Her book reading process is quite weird though…she holds our finger and makes it go through it and point out various pictures and with every picture we have say what it is like ‘duck’, ‘crow’, ‘horse’ etc.! She likes to read (see) the ‘Ant & Pigeon’ books herself and can identify the hunter when asked.

Her latest achievement is that when I say this question -answer: ‘What is your name, my name is Ishaani Ghosh’, she would say her last name as ‘Go’ with me & then clap-clap-clap!!

She has some previous birth relation with Salman Khan & Ranbir Kapoor….even if their slow songs are aired she is glued to TV set.

I am sure, I must be missing out so many antics of her…leaving it for another post.

Monkeying around with her cycle!!