Wish someone took care of those warning signs timely...!!

Those warning signs were popping their head since long. But nobody took them seriously. Most of the times it was brushed aside by terming it as ‘ladakpan ka josh’!

No one actually remembers when it all started…or maybe it was there since his birth. He was quite young when he hit his sister just because she refused to take his orders. ‘How can she say No to me…I am her brother…she is just a girl!’ a voice inside him thundered. His family members also took his side and punished that girl for bothering her brother. This first warning sign went unnoticed and in a way this incident established his superiority of male gender in his mind.

 As he grew up, complaints came from neighborhood families about his harassing vulgar behavior and obscene gestures towards their daughters. His family members fought with the neighbors defending him. ‘How can they blame our apple of the eye….those girls must be loose in character’, his father shouted. His mother and grandmother confirmed that those girls are a disgrace to society as they wear jeans occasionally. ‘Boys will be boys ..Right’!! Again this warning sign was also never taken care of.

He always witnessed his mother getting beaten up by his father on petty issues. But, no one in his family ever interfered. He grew up learning that women folk need to be taken control of, and if required violence is necessary to make them toe the line.

After few years, he saw a girl whom he proposed after stalking & passing crude comments. He felt he was in love with her. But surprisingly, she seemed not interested in him. ‘How can she say No to me…I am obliging her by showering my love on her…she is just a girl!’ his mind ranted. She needs to learn a lesson. He abducted her with the help of few friends and raped her. ‘Now she would know what a MAN I am’. The girl’s father complained to the local Panchayat. The Panchayat and other villagers were astonished by the shamelessness of that father. ‘He is making a public farce of his daughter’s rape….ladki ki izzat to gayi!!’ the Sarpanch (head of Panchayat) commented. Anyway, they have to take a decision. So, they ordered that girl to get married to that boy (her rapist). ‘She is already impure now...Who would marry her…at least this boy is decent enough to forgive her for complaining against him and marry her!’ Another big warning sign was twisted to act in his favor.

His married life was similar to that of thousands other couples of this country where domestic violence and tolerating it was a part of fulfilling their marriage vows. He even hit his wife the day after their daughter was born. ‘She deserves to be punished because of her faulty womb which produces a girl’. All the family members’ supported him in his barbaric act. By now, his fire of confidence has been fueled enough as he came out of all these incidents unscarred nonchalantly.

Then one winter night, while driving back from his work on the chartered bus, he saw another girl walking with her friend and seeking public transport. ‘Ohh these city girls, how can they walk at this hour of the day out in streets’, He thought while hatching a heinous crime in his mind. ‘She seems to be asking for it….She needs to be taught a lesson!!’  He did not bat an eyelid to commit the odious felony with his bunch of friends by violating that girl’s physical as well as psychological space. The aftermath of this incident was astonishing …at least to the rapists. Whole country came out in the streets to protest against the barbaric act they committed that night. They demanded for his death sentence. He was confused….. 'I never did anything unusual this time, I am the same person who treated female clan in this way throughout my life…then what is new today? Why are they overreacting?’ He pondered behind the prison bars.

Do we still need the moral of this story? This story is though fictitious with strong resemblance to many individuals of our country who are brought up and conditioned to treat the women in this manner. They are a product of rotten mindset which still prays for male child to be born in their family, who still treat female members of family as the B-grade citizen. The moral of the story strongly conveys the fact that ignoring or feigning unawareness to these kinds of warning signs gives birth to socio-psychological criminals who can rob the humanity of its robe.

Ignoring any warning  signs can lead to worse problems

This post is my entry for Indiblogger contest in association with My Healthy Speak Blog

W = Why, Who, When?

Why we cannot ensure safety to our kids, toddlers & teenagers?

Why everyday small kids have to face the brutality of monstrous pedophiles?

What kind of pleasure those beasts’ gets by inflicting pain on those tender souls?

Who would take care of the scars, the wounds which would remain etched in her mind for her life?

Why any incident needs to have horrendously atrocious to elicit our outrage?

Why I have to feel terrified every time my toddler is out of my sight?

When would the victim blaming stop with the pleas that accused ‘got carried away’, ‘was staying away from family since long’, ‘never wanted to rape but the girl provoked her’?

When would the victim blaming stop with the excuses that ‘she was drunk’, ‘she was wearing exposing clothes’, ‘she was asking for it’?

Why we have to listen to our politician’s bull shit & mechanical speeches every time after any heinous brutal incident takes place?

Who defines the time line of judgments in Fast-track courts of Indian judiciary system – actual how fast they are?

Why we cannot teach our sons to treat the female clan with equality and respect the diversity of culture?

When would the law enforcers of our country understand their responsibilities rather than scaring, harassing, passing judgmental remarks and sometimes even raping the victim?

Who can be blamed when a rapist slips from the hands of law-enforcers with the plea of being a juvenile?

I can continue these questions endlessly as there are so many which are staring at our face, but right now feeling too numb & disgusted to write a single word more.

T & U = Television & Unlimited Regression

So, here I am, trying my best to return to my blogger self. I lost the steam since Q and only posted some cheat posts after that. Now as I had failed to write anything for T so thought of combining it with U.  

I am here talking about Daily serials of Indian Television industry.- ‘Kkkkkk soaps’. Those who are not able to make out its meaning, I am actually referring to mindless, gaudy, overtly melodramatic daily soaps of Indian Television. But why…Kkkkk soaps? Well, I am trying to name this horrible genre of TV soaps with its origin…. How can we forget that this all had been started by ‘so called’ TV soap queen – Kekta Madam (Don’t you dare to disintegrate the K from her name!!!).

I am not getting into the details that how & when this genre changed the face of the TV industry. No. I won’t say that I miss those weekly TV serials or old Series like Buniyaad, Humlog or anything else similar to that. Everything has transformed into glossier & more glamorous now a days so why only blame Television.

You surf through any Hindi entertainment channel ( why blame only Hindi, any other regional language channel are also same), and you would find almost cloned story plots, overdone faces, horrendously kitschy outfits, loud acting and loads of glycerin. Even though chronologically we are in 21^st century but the trash kkk soaps which are aired actually compel you to go back to some 18^th or 19^th century. I observed few different channels which cemented my belief that they are somehow trying to give us a ride in time machine.

A young girl of in her twenties who was shown widow of the protagonist of the show is made to wear spotless white saree even though her spouse died months back. And this too when the story backdrop is not rural but the national capital of India.

Another channel is showing that how a couple who got married against their parent’s will &permission is trying hard to get the acceptance in the family. So, the videshi DIL has to pass certain tests set by the head of the family. The nature of those tests varies from wearing a saree, washing whole house after drawing water from the well, preparing food for the whole 56 member family, or singing devotional songs with correct pronunciation in the temple even before the sun rises. The dutiful DIL keeps on participating in those tests with a big smile plastered to her face and without even uttering a single protest.

An illiterate eve-teaser or to be precise a molester forcibly marries an educated girl and the next 1000 episodes are aired justifying his passionate love which forced him to own that woman without her consent. She was shown to fall in his love after some hundred episodes when she realizes he has a golden heart which contains obsessive love for her!!!

A contemporary girl gets married and a 360 degree makeover takes place. She is shown roaming around only in sarees, accessorized with big ‘Mangalsutra’ and the vermillion is somehow placed in her hair-parting with help of a ruler or scale which is generally found in a student’s geometry box!!

Any woman with a career in her mind and ambitions has to be vile & negative in character. She would soon realize her incompetence in front of the sacrificing housewife who eats her meal only after her family members have been fed and burped!

I can continue to write about these instances endlessly. These regressive tracks are surprisingly the biggest TRP puller. I know so many people including me who don’t watch this stuff but then this fact cannot be negated that a large chunk of population is hooked to these shows and follow them religiously. I know its impact on the literate class is limited only to the imitation of designer outfits & jewelry but the less educated strata are hugely affected in different way. I had discussed with my maid and concluded that somehow many of them believe that whatever shown in these serials are for real or closely connected to reality. Another thing which they believe is that if these serials are showing any regressive track on economically upper class background then it should be followed. As per her, when an English speaking couple is following these mindless track in the serials then it must have some logic and reason.

These regressive serials in all the channels are actually spamming our entertainment quota. Far away from reality, these monotonous & senseless shows keep on mushrooming through all the channels irrespective of language or religion.

P = Pedophilic Perverts

Fear, guilt, anger, frustration, pain, hate and above all helplessness....these assorted and jumbled feelings numbed their existence. In some cases, multiple times, repeatedly they went through the trauma. Devastated & shattered they suffered those nightmares alone. Few of them were not even able to understand that something wrong is done to them. 

A popular talk show hosted by Amir Khan last year - 'Satyamev Jayate' gave few of them a chance to open up their heart. The show startled many of us by highlighting the huge percentage of Child sex abuse victims. Yes, in India, almost every fifth child unfortunately has been abused sexually. 

I heard somewhere which was quoted on a funny note "We are descendants of monkeys....but the problem is that still we have not stopped descending!!". On a serious tone this is so true...those pedophiles have descended far below the human level.....just that these sickos roam around freely in our society in the garb of a human face. SMJ tried to negate many myths involving CSA. Those who are in blog world might have already been aware of the facts behind these CSA myths through well penned posts during CSA Awareness Month. But for rest of the people it was indeed an eye-opener. I am sure there would be many parents who are not comfortable with 'sex education' of their kids must have been shuddered with the horrifying tales of the victims in that show. 

We need to understand that nor are the CSA victims from any different world neither the abusers. Here at this platform now I can also admit being a CSA victim once. I was never able to muster the courage to tell anyone about it that time. But why?...I shared a very open relationship with my parents especially with my dad. Even then I never opened up with him about this matter. I gave subtle hints but they went unnoticed. 

So, you see it is not only healthy & open relationship with your kids that would help but you have to be observant about their body language & changed patterns of behavior as well. Communicate, be aware & come out of your shell of ignorance. Those scars maul the soul of the child which they carry throughout their life...I might have escaped with a bruise but everyone is not so lucky. However memories of those incidents still leaves sour taste in my persona. 

Once hubby told me that they were discussing episodes of SMJ in his office when one of his colleagues said that "Man, What this Amir Khan is serving as Sunday Brunch, they are showing too much reality, It is so depressing. These cases are only there in newspapers...He could have chosen some other theme for his show". Poor man, I think his taste of reality show is limited only to Big Boss or Splitsvilla!! This mindset of 'ostrich in the storm' would only keep up the spirit of heinous monsters. We can always be in our La-la land and believe that it can never happen to our kids but would that make the issue disappear!! 

One very important quote mentioned in the show was "Respect the behaviour, not the age". This can be quite a controversial statement in reference our Indian Culture. But I personally support its validity. 

But the most important point which was raised in SMJ was that CSA should be considered as a crime and strict laws should be there to punish those pedophiles. Whoa!!!...can you believe that it is still not there in our law books and this bill is yet pending (lying in dust) in Rajyasabha. My personal opinion says that these pedophiles should be prosecuted with stringent laws because they are sick...sick mentally. Otherwise why would a person has to feel up a child's body for any kind of physical pleasure!

I can continue to pour my disgust on this issue endlessly but ending here quoting Amir Khan: 

I’d like to leave you with a thought: perhaps the more closed or narrow minded we are about sexuality, the more repressed it gets, and then it manifests itself in ugly ways. I’m hoping that as a society in time we will reach a stage where we are not frightened of our sexuality. Rather, we learn to deal with it in a dignified, open, responsible and healthy manner. 

Gearing up for CSAAM 2013

Reblogged from CSAAM 2013

Dear Friends,

April 2013 is a month away, and we are gearing up for the 3rd year of CSAAM. As you are all aware, through the month of April we talk about the menace of CSA across social media, via Facebook, twitter and blogs. We count on your support and participation as always.

Partnering us in our efforts this year will be organisations working in this field like Arpan, Tulir, Human Rights Watch as well as online initiatives like Blogadda and Womens Web.

You will see personal testimonials, expert advice, twitter chats, information sources, resources, workshops, an iPhone app and lots and lots of blog posts across the blogosphere.

We need to get people talking about this elephant in the room. If you would like to post on your blogs, do send us a tentative date, so we can schedule your post in. If you would like to participate in a twitterthon, do let us know. Even forwarding this email to anyone you think might be interested in participating and contributing would be welcome.

If you would like to add to the discussion or know somebody else who would, please note that we welcome entries

• mailed to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com OR

• posted as FB notes and linked to Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month Page OR

• posted on your own blog with the badge and linked to the main blog OR

• linked or posted on Twitter tagged twitter.com/CSAAwareness OR

• Anonymous contributions are accepted and requests for anonymity will of course be honoured.

• You can also support us simply by adding our the logo of the initiative to your blog’s sidebar. Grab the code below to do so http://csaawarenessmonth.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/batch-code-txt-2013.docx

• Please remember to send in a mail with all necessary links or just your input to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com so that we can track your contribution and make sure that it is not inadvertently lost or something.

Some guidelines

1) Please precede the title of your post with CSAAM April 2013. Then add a hyphen and your title.

2) Please insert the badge html in your post. If you carry it on your sidebar for the entire month of April too apart from just within your post, we would be honoured.

3) If you refer to sources for information kindly italicise that part of your post which is taken from the source and provide the link to the original source in a bracket.

4) And finally please avoid graphic descriptions of the abuse. Stay as factual as possible if you’re doing first person accounts.

We need all your help to make this month a success, and are counting on your support.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

CSAAM team

WoW - 7

It was too dark. Her head still felt heavy. Partial awake but somehow in trance, she tried to recall the course of events. Damn, she can’t remember a thing except the feeling that she was very elated to go out for her first ever date.

Her wrists are hurting with the rope tied around it. She tried to scream but realized that the gag has blocked her voice. Petrified, injured she tried to wriggle out that bond, but failed. Tears oozed and trickled down her cheeks.  Slowly few other incidents flashed in her memory screen. She recollected how she skillfully lied to her parents to go out on this date with her online chat friend. How could have she divulged the truth to them, they still consider her a kid. She is grown up, she is fifteen!!

They had chatted for almost last six months every day without fail. He now understands her so well. Initially bit hesitant but later she became quite comfortable while chatting with him. His thoughtful quotes, humorous one - liners, philosophical reassurances compelled her to go gaga over him. So, when finally he proposed to meet her, she found herself in seventh heaven.

She bunked her tuition classes and reached the scheduled spot almost on time. His tall built & dashing looks completely swayed her mind. She pinched herself to check whether she is still dreaming or what!!. Then after a while they went for a long drive. It was month of May, so they halted near a shop to get some cold-drinks. But, then…. After that….she can’t recall a single thing.

She again wrestled with the bondage but gave up soon. Drenched in sweat she lay there motionless. It was still as cemetery outside. Only sound she can hear is of dry leaves & some crickets creaking. Suddenly, she heard some footsteps and a ray of street light flashed in as the door is opened. All she can see a tall shadow leaning near the door. Suddenly, ‘His laughter broke the silence’. She was zapped. It is him!!! A shiver ran down her spine.

Now she is able to find the missing pieces of the Zigzag puzzle of her abduction. He had laced the drink with something which made her unconscious.

He creepily came near her and tried to feel her body. She squirmed in repugnance & shut her eyes.  Her parents’ faces reeled in front of her. They are so right…she is indeed a kid, a damn stupid kid!!!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

WoW - 3

She cannot remember when actually she started believing this cliché and made it a pattern of her behaviour  Every time she does something which follows an awaited result to be declared, she would keep her fingers crossed. And how cannot she forget to mention the chocolate treat after that!!!

Sneh, a bright girl, always showed her mettle is every aspects of life she explored…be it academics, sports, cultural activities, social networking or even in managing her relations. As a kid her dad always encouraged her girl and somehow she aped him in believing on this cliché. ‘Keeping my fingers crossed….’ she had murmured numerous times,hiding her crossed fingers from public eye while eagerly waiting for the winners list. The moment her name was loudly announced as a winner for various diverse activities as elocution, dancing, dramatics, board exams, various entrance tests….the list is long, her dad has treated her with a big bar of chocolate.

She enjoyed her winnings moments in school prior to which she always ‘kept her fingers crossed’.

She topped the city in her college final year and she does remember herself muttering ‘keeping my fingers crossed….!!’ under her breath the whole morning the day results were out. She duly received the big bar of chocolate from her loving & proud dad.

She made it to best corporate giants of the country in the campus interviews. I was ‘keeping my fingers crossed’ till my name was publicized…she recalls.

She met that tall dark handsome colleague….., it was ‘Love at first sight’ for her!! ‘I had been keeping my fingers crossed so many times while we dated’, she recollected. And it worked…he proposed her in the best romantic way over a beautiful candle lit dinner. She ordered Chocolate Fudge Cheesecake for dessert that night.

Her wedding was a dream come true event for her. Her parents ensured grandest wedding of the city by spending a fortune beyond others imagination. Sneh walked the mandap glittering in diamonds, expensive silk and oodles of gold. Although couple of years has already passed since that eventful day, relatives & guests still talk about that grand extravagant wedding.

But her life took a curvaceous turn from there. Dreams shattered after hitting the harsh world of reality. Her confidence, self-esteem & trust were trampled bit by bit by the same person around whom she has woven her silky dreams. Her soul was insulted each day with worse form of verbal abuse. Her inner self was stripped naked by that beastly alcoholic spouse embellished with filthy abuses. She blamed it all on his addiction to alcohol. She thought ‘Otherwise he is such a nice person…just that this alcohol dependency catalyses his inhuman behavior. I am keeping my fingers crossed…..one day everything would be fine’.

But it did not. Apart from verbal abuses he swung to merciless beating. He did not even budge from his violent behavior when she was pregnant. Sneh tolerated this cruel domestic violence with the hope that the birth of their child might bring the betterment in his personality.

Then on a fateful day, inebriated with alcohol he hit her in her tummy and crushed all bleak hope she ever had. He killed their unborn child. She was numb with mental & physical trauma. He unabashedly projected it as an accident to everyone else. She literally lost her voice after that and never protested his version. He has now the perfect alibi even in front of public for seeking refuge in alcohol and drugs.

After few days, an ambulance had to be called to their house to take him to hospital. Hospital staff carried his unconscious body to the hospital…..She accompanied them with a stoned expression on her face. Doctors diagnosed it as overdose of alcohol. He died within couple of hours.

But during those two hours nobody noticed her crossed fingers beneath her saree’s pallu. She muttered continuously ‘I am keeping my fingers crossed…..’ which everyone misunderstood as a prayer of a devoted wife for her dying husband. Finally doctors released his death certificate citing reason of death as ‘natural’ (overdose of drugs & alcohol).

Sneh rushed to the departmental store next to the hospital.

She asked: Do you have that dark chocolate bar whose advertise campaign says ‘You just don’t buy it, YOU EARN IT’…. Can you give me two of that!!!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

E.T.A. : This also got selected as one of the best entries for the theme. :-)