Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Everything in this world comes with a price tag...

Everything in this world comes with a price tag!!. Why this sudden realization of materialistic nature of world cropped inside me? This insight actually keeps on popping in my head since my daughter was born.
I am a mom who has to take the charge of the turbulent ship of parenting of a 3 month old alongwith her hands-on spouse who was equally naive about parenting as her.  My mother was there to support me during my delivery and she stayed back for couple of months after that. But prolonging her stay was not a feasible option for her. Following months witnessed a completely different persona of mine. I fretted, got irritated and almost gave up lot many times. I took refuge of Google-dev, got myself enrolled in n-number of parenting forums and fished out internet to amplify my awareness about parenting nuances. My mobile phone bills soared with the long duration calls made to my mother & mother-in-law to discuss the changing color of poop of my daughter. Joining back to work became a distant option for me.
As time passed by, the level of challenges to be a nuclear mommy sky-rocketed.  Activities like taking bath & answering nature calls took record minimal time to get completed. Other household errands took place only when ‘her highness’ doze her beauty sleep. I went green with envy for those ladies who had the presence of elder generation at their home and enjoys the wonderful cushion of support system to handle their kids. Sometimes I also did felt selfish about my change of mindset about nuclear family, a concept which I liked till now.
But, few interaction with one of my neighbor who was incidentally a new mom (her kid is only few months elder to mine) staying in a joint family set up compelled me to review the backdrop of my cribbing. 
Read the complete post in Parentous :) Do share your views with comments.



24 comments:

  1. NB, very well written and agree with you completely.

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  2. Quite agree to the quote N - Everything in this world comes with a price tag! Any decision made would have both positives and negatives.. its all in our hands to take everything in the right sense and move forward.

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    1. Yeah we have deal with both sides na!!

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  3. Seeing my forgetful and carefree ways my mother sometimes say "god knows how u will manage 1 kid, leave alone 3 like I did" .. And I would say " what are u gonna do in ur free time anyway" !

    But to think of it , as much I would like to have elders around me to guide and support , day by day I feel the generation gap in our thoughts and ways. rather than making a child see that confusion, its good to set him on one track - yours. Right or wrong , time will sort it out.

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    1. It remains tricky... but yes it is easy to set them on single track :)

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  4. Yesterday only I was having a similar discussion with a colleague and if I some it up in few words? "U win some u lose some"

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    1. So true..."U win some u lose some". :)

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  5. I agree..parenting should rest more with the parents than with other members of the household. Any solicited advice is of course over and above this :-)

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    1. I believe upbringing of child is completely parent's responsibility...and yes any other support or advice is just an added privilege :)

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  6. My 1st time here...
    I think you have covered it beautifully...There are pros and cons to both the arrangements (joint/nuclear). Also the situations may vary depending on the nature of all the individuals involved (including the baby)...
    Hence it's a unique situation for every individual...

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    1. Welcome here ZM :)
      Yeah it remains unique for each person :)

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  7. Nicely written Nibedita, it's tough being a new parent, but it's a charm doing it on our own :). I have the best of both worlds in a way, with my parents staying really close by, so I have their support when I need it, but also my boundaries for other decisions.

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    1. Thanks ....you got a perfect set up where you can look up to your elders for support but without being suffocated by their decisions :)

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  8. The funda boils down to this Nibedita - how comfortable are you with relinquishing control? A SAHM may be happier being fully in charge of her child, whereas some moms may prefer the joint family set up to help them to work.

    I know I need to be a fully hands-on mom and ensure set ups that work for me. I grew up with my grandparents living with us. It worked for my pretty ambitious mom, who now regrets though that she did not get to spend too much time with us. I possibly may regret giving up my career when I am an empty nester. I guess motherhood is all about figuring out the smaller of guilts to live with :)

    Good luck to you!

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    1. Exactly as I said in other comments as well..mommy guilt haunts every mom. You said it so aptly 'how comfortable are you with relinquishing control?'

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  9. I am the only child to a mom who was working full time. I was with a babysitter from the age of 3 months. Even though my mom still regrets being in such a position of needing to work, I for one never felt a vacuum when it came to her. I remember her everytime I was sick, happy, upset everything. Today I am a work from home mother who lives far away from her parents and in-laws... I was on my own pretty much from month 3... Naturally when the grandparents visit a lot of spoiling the little one happens. Its the question of laying down your rules to parenting if you can and sticking to them. As mothers we are going to feel guilty about everything and always wonder if we are doing something wrong... I have now learnt that it is part of the game...

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    1. Arrre mommy guilt will always haunt us...be it WFHM, SAHM or WM. Laying the rules and sticking to it is so necessary :)

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  10. Sometimes you need them .. sometimes you dont.. maintaining a fine balance is the key ..

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    1. Yeah...balance is the key word :)

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  11. I am not sure what kind of parent I would turn out to be but I am sure that I shall have people like you to help in the process. It is often debated that kids become the center of your life however I have seen parents who successfully make kids a part of their life effortlessly. They take the kid hiking, road trips etc effortlessly. To each his own I guess.

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    1. Hey welcome here :)
      So True : 'To each on its own' :) Parenting is an ever learning project :)

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  12. Nibedita,
    I am not sure of hitting the child. But scolding and giving the right support, guidance is more like my style. I might raise my hand and once in a while slap maybe.
    Ranga

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  13. Nibedita,
    I am more of a scolding type. I might raise my hand, even a small tiny slap. But I am inclined more towards guidance, support and at times the 'silent treatment'.

    Ranga

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