Love Marriage V/s Arranged Marriage

Love Marriage V/s Arranged Marriage....

When I first read about this contest, thoughts & counter logic started oozing my mind, but as I sat down to jot down those thoughts it was all muzzled up and confusing. I felt that the reason behind it is because of my neutral views about the subject.

As per my opinion, both types of marriages carry their own baggage. We cannot generalize them under any particular category and measure their success quotient by applying single formula to all these marriages.

I have seen carefully chosen & perfectly matched arranged alliances going haywire and also passionately loving couple getting married after almost 7 years of ‘knowing each other’ and then filing for divorce after couple of years, following a series of ugly incidents.

My idea of marriage includes few important components without which whatever might have been the path of marriage – love or arranged, it is bound to show up cracks……..which either the couple try to fill up with compromise or just let it be there to widen and eventually break up.

First and foremost thing is ‘Mutual Respect’. Yes, if the partners lack the respect then it obviously reflects in their behavior which ends up in hurt sentiments & chipped ego. Be it a Love Marriage (LM) or Arranged Marriage (AM) if the ‘Mutual Respect’ is missing then partners end up fighting with each other hurling sarcastic & irrelevant remarks on each other.

The next is ‘Understanding’. This factor requires lots of maturity from both the partners. Sometimes you just have to understand the emotions & behavior of each other and their respective circumstances to flow freely through this river of marriage.

Another key factor is ‘Expectations’. This develops on the platform of an individual’s upbringing, thoughtprocess & mentality. Wrong or unrealistic expectations kill the marriage – be it LM or AM. One of my ex-colleague boasted about his passionate love story and was always showing off his intense love for his partner. The girl was a MBA & was working in a MNC. She came from a liberal family. Boy was quite aware of her & her family’s contemporary views but the moment they got married he expected her to become docile daughter-in-law who never opens her mouth in front of her in-laws, not even for eating food ( forget about expressing opinions)!!!

Then there are other factors like ‘care’, ‘love’, ‘concern’ & 'attachment'. Many would be surprised with this fact that I have not given ‘love’ that much of importance in the hierarchy. It is because I believe that over a period of time in any healthy relationship these factors develop & grows eventually.

Then there are so many stereotypes attached to both LM & AM.

Some people say that Love marriages fall apart easily because of lack of social security. But that is quite a hideous statement. It is all between the chemistry of partners which takes the situation in its desired direction – positive or negative. So, even if there is an arranged marriage and the tuning is loose, it might go ashtray.

Sometimes, parents & family members take it personally on their ego if the children want to marry their choice of partner. They just cannot accept to let the ‘control' go out of their hands. Bu they just forget that if a person is old enough to vote & elect a government then why he/she can’t chose their life partner. One of my neighbors who is searching an alliance for her son want her DIL to be less educated & very average looking ( yes, she mentioned these eligibility criteria)!!! The reason of her choice is that then the girl would lack in confidence & never dare to speak back to her husband & in-laws. I really feel pity for the would -be DIL who would be brought in the chess game of the house politics as a pawn by the queen bee who loves to reign the house!!!

My personal opinion also negates this concept of love in the whole affair of ‘love marriage’. I feel that unless & until you stay with a person & share the same house you are not able to understand the actual person to a large extent. Everybody presents their best face forward when they meet their heartthrobs or fiancée. So, even if the AM advocates shout about the liberal courtship allowed nowadays before any AM or the LM supporters vouch on their years of ‘seeing each other’, it remains incomplete & veiled till the time both the partners stay with each other to observe & absorb habits, behavior & way of living.

So here I see that I am back to square one where I started this post. It may sound like some rant but I cannot help it much. I mentioned earlier that I have quite mixed opinion about this topic.

This post is my entry for the Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage on Indiblogger.

Downpour in Gurgaon....!!!

Rain drops splatter on parched Gurgaon!

Washing away all the dust....it even makes this 'concrete jungle' look beautiful sometimes!

A colourful 'token gift' left back by heavy showers!

The 'Just Married, Please Excuse' Contest

Since yesterday when I bumped into this contest by Yashodhara whose debut book has been launched recently, my blogging fingers itched to jot down few of the weird moments of our married life. Also, how can I not mention the highlighted words which caught my attention like “Mamagato”, “Gurgaon”, “free copies of book” and gave me a bleak hope that being a blogger from Gurgaon might act as an added advantage in my favour. (errr kidding….huh! :-))

As I go through Yashodhara’s blog and keep reading her previous posts, I regret why I have not been at her space earlier….Anyway, better late than never!

So here I try to recap few incidents related to our marriage and just after that.

Our marriage ceremony was packed with ‘comedy of errors & misunderstandings’. All Baraatis dispersed & went back home leaving few young cousins and an aunt of SG behind even before the completion of marriage rituals due to some stupid misunderstandings. The groom side priest took advantage of the situation and left hastily after them citing some weird excuses without completing all the important rituals….like Saptapadi or Saat pheras was skipped completely!!

In the midst of all these confusions, while my side priest was conducting the ritual of ‘Sampradan /Kanyadaan’, another funny incident happened which we noticed only when the video recordings were seen later.  SG’s knowledge of Bengali language is quite limited…while he can speak it mixed with a perfect north Indian accent, he, kind of struggles and gets confused if somebody speaks in fluent Bengali. So we saw in the video that SG was trying hard to follow instructions from our priest about when to repeat the ‘shlokas/mantras’, when to fold hands and so on. When the priest asked my dad to repeat after him the mantras of Kanyadaan, he also instructed SG to keep his hand on mine. GOD only knows  what SG understood & the next thing we saw him repeating the mantras of ‘Kanyadaan’ after the priest. So, in case we take all these rituals seriously( I generally don’t..!) it indicates that my dad performed my ‘Kanyadaan’  to SG and the ‘SG’ did my ‘Kanyadaan’ to GOD knows whom!!

***************************************************************************************************

This second incident falls completely in the category of ‘Just married’ if in case the first one fails to make the entry because of the fact that we were still not ‘completely’ married then.

At the time of my ‘Grihapravesh’ in SG’s house, we had a seriously stupid ritual where I (bride) had to hold a ‘live’ fish kept in a bowl of water with my hand for couple of minutes!!! 

Here I should mention that I am a scaredy cat....I am very scared of any living being (except human) on this earth. Forget about dogs or cats, I cannot even run fingers through furry coat of a cute rabbit or birds or even pat an innocent cow. A mouse or mole in vicinity can bring out the most ‘versatile’ dance out of me!!! 

Anyway, I digress. Now, when I had to hold that slimy moving fish I was petrified. Being a new bride, I was even not able to refuse to participate in it outright. I tried to put my best brave face forward, but, the very moment my fingers touched that fish which wriggled away splashing water, all my acting skills botched. I shrieked, jumped, shouted and people even witnessed that ‘versatile’ dance by me duly applauded by my perfect hubby in the background!!

*****************************************************************************************************

The third incident happened just few days after my marriage when relatives had dwindled back to their home and we were just enjoying our marriage vacation at my in-laws place.

One evening I wanted to eat Momos, but in that city we don't get roadside stalls to buy  momos easily like we get in Delhi NCR. I thought of bugging SG about it and also test his ‘hubby skills’ to fulfill wife’s abrupt demands.

As SG was in FIL’s shop that time so that my FIL can take some rest I tried calling him on his cell phone. When I realized that he has forgotten his mobile phone in his room, I called on the landline number.

(The conversation happened in Hindi)

Me: Hello, Ghosh!! (Yes, I used to call him with his last name)

Other side:  Haan..Kaun? (Yes.. who is this?)              

Me: Sun na….Yahan Momos milta hai kya?? (Listen…Do we get Momos here?)

Other side: Kya…kya chahiye ?? ( What…What do you want?)          

Me: Arre…Momos !!! yahan pe momos kahan milega!! ( Momos!!!....Where can we get Momos here!)

Other side: Jee…ye to hamari dukan me nahin milega…aap kahin aur pata kar lijiye. (This is not available in our shop…you enquire somewhere else.)

Me: ????

Then suddenly I realized that it was my FIL’s voice which I mistaken for SG. And how can I forget that SG is not the only ‘Ghosh’ here but I am surrounded by the whole ‘Ghosh’ clan.  I hurriedly hung up and cursed my stupidity for this ’face-palm’ moment!! When SG came to know about it…..like a perfect hubby, he shared it with everyone in the family embarrassing me to the core.

While writing this post, I felt that walking down this specific memory lane is quite fun. Thanks to this contest for letting me revive this enjoyment.

Maa ka Dupatta Laoongi Wapas...!!!

I had already mentioned in my blog that Mishti is a great fan of music....and if it is teamed up with animation...it becomes 'Sone pe Suhaga'. I have to keep myself updated with new videos as she tend to get bored with them soon...means she would still listen and sway her body but the utility from my perspective (making her eat food!!) reduces to a large extent.

Check Out this Video(esp at 2.08 mins):

Mishti likes this video clip a lot ...giggles &  even shrieks with the crying cat in the animation. But this girl is such a copy-cat and I am quite amazed with the speed these toddlers pick up what they see & hear....So, whenever it shows that part where 'Chulbuli' clench her fist and determines to get back her mom's 'dupatta' from mischievous wind....Mishti also does the same!

Now, even if the video is not there and any of us say "Maa ka Dupatta Laoongi Wapas", she stops and clenches her fist near her waist...and it somewhat looks like Amitabh Bachhan's famous body language when he says "Hain"!!!

We are loving these antics of li'l lady so much that we are repeating that phrase often and like a pro she is also repeating her act!!...Little does she know that her own mom has only two salwar kameez which requires 'Dupatta'...and which she rarely wears, otherwise she is just comfortable in her Kurtis, tees & tops!

P.S. I am bit off blogging nowadays as I ordered & received two books from Homeshop18 recently. I found this site better than even Flipkart...actually I matched prices of few books and found Homeshop18 is far cheaper.

And yes, those two books are although not so latest but I found them interesting through Smita's book review page.

1.) Secrets & Lies

2.) Bombay Duck is a fish 

What if....!!!!

What if , my maid has not noticed Mishti dangling her legs out of staircase railings on time? My heart just shudders with the mere thought of what had happened next. I am still feeling that numbness in my thought-process.

I am feeling so guilty. I admit the responsibility of today's could-have-happened mishap lies completely on me. So, learnt the lesson by heart and would never-ever repeat my actions.

Today I had to visit my orthopaedic for regular check-up & a blood test at around 6PM. SG was supposed to come back late from work. My sis has left early for her office. In evening I got Mishti ready and send her my neighbour's place (their apartment is just opposite to ours, same lobby). Mishti likes to play with their pet dog and even the lady is quite affectionate towards her. She is a mid-aged lady with two grown-up kids. I have taken her advice in lot many matters related to parenting and found her tips always useful. Let me call her V.

As my hospital is nearby, so I thought that I should let Mishti play there, in the meantime I can come back from there and also taking her to hospital without any reason meant inviting fresh rounds of infection (last time she rolled on the floor there & licked the chairs in the waiting area!!!). I asked my neighbour and she heartily agreed. 

When I came back, I met another next-door neighbour(P) of mine in the housing complex lawn. ( We have three apartments in every lobby). She informed me hesitatingly about the incident. My maid who also works at P's house came out after finishing her work and found Mishti has climbed almost 7 stairs in the lobby and is dangerously dangling her leg outside the iron railing which is between second & third floor. Those grills have enough gap which could have caused something fatal. I can thank my stars that in few of those grills P's FIL has tied some nylon ropes as their kid is just an year older than Mishti...and those gaps are really dangerous for small kids.

My maid rushed back to P's house and called her who came out and thought Mishti sneaked out of our house. She started calling me. V suddenly came out after hearing this commotion and took Mishti back to her house apologetically. She admitted her carelessness and accepted that her attention got diverted as an important person ( some priest!!)*** came to her house and that is why even her iron grill door was half-open through which Mishti managed to sneak out!!

P repeatedly asked me not to lose my temper or react adversely while narrating the incident. Surprisingly, I did not felt any anger or grudge for my neighbour V at all. It seemed to me that my mind did not allowed me to think about what could have happened. Strange numbness engulfed my thoughts. I went to V's place and did not mentioned anything that I know about that happening. She herself told me and I did not gave any heed to the matter further. I somehow held myself responsible for all this...I should not have left my kid like that. 

And also if you are not a parent of a toddler ( or have forgotten the feeling), you cannot relate to the amount of vigilance we keep on these kids....whatever we do our one eye is fixed on them. So I am not able to blame that lady V....her attention span just shifted for hardly five minutes and Mishti managed to set out on her exploration trip!!

Anyway, lesson of the day, I am not going to leave Mishti with anybody other than few of my close people till the time she is not able to take care of herself.

Thank You GOD for being there.

*** Why the priest visited her place is an interesting story which is matter for another post...that might explain why she got distracted with his visit.

Gold - Shold...hai Rabba!!

So, here I am back again to my blog after couple of weeks. No, I was not busy or something...just going through a low & depressed mental state and nothing in this world appealed to me. There are almost three incomplete posts in my draft which I never had the zeal left to complete & publish them. It is like I am having 'writer's block' ( wow!! it sounds so upmarket :-) ). Although I am yet to come out of my low phase but still kinda dragged myself to complete this post ( actually, just wanted to write something).

Few days back, my mom informed me about a daylight robbery in our locality of my hometown. We know the family well, that lady is also my MIL's friend. That lady and her DIL were watching TV when around 3 PM three robbers entered their house point their gun at them. The robbers directly enquired about the jewellery kept in the house without wasting a single moment. Then they ransacked the lockers after gagging and tying both the ladies. The managed to loot jewellery worth few lakhs!!

This incident was quite surprising as their house is located on the main road and a school & small market is situated just opposite to the house. The local police station is in the same row just few houses away. Also, the first floor of the house is rented to the family of a policeman!! The first thing came to my mind after hearing this incident that the robbers had 'pakka' information about the jewellery kept in the house...otherwise nobody is such a fool to conduct this plan randomly to loot something handy as well as  valuable like jewellery( TV, AC, Car cannot be looted in broad daylight..)

Second Thing, I felt very little sympathy for the family. I do not understand why people are so much fantasized by this "GOLD". Personally, I never found "gold" irresistible or show-stopper from a jewellery point of view. First of all, I do not understand how this golden shade can be 'matching' to all my outfits. Then another logic of mine says, boss, gone are the days when you can flaunt your wealth only by wearing gold...those were raja-maharaja or zamindari days. Now, you can show-off your money with a flashy car or a obnoxiously huge house or posting pics of your exotic holidaysof foreign locales in FB!!!

Also, if you still want to own gold...go for the ETF way na...that online gold thing. I understand in earlier days, people use to save and buy gold ornaments as a mode of their 'contingency planning'. But now a days, so many other methods are available...you can invest in property, ULIPs, mutual funds etc. And for ornament prupose buy the artificial fancy jewellery ...they look good and match with your dress, cost less and would pinch your pocket less if robbed, stolen or misplaced.

Also, it is sheer foolishness to keep so much jewellery at home which obviously would invite robbers if the news gets leaked somehow. I have already warned my mom & MIL...but somehow, my MIL has her own logics in favour of her jewellery. She cannot resist the temptation of wearing a thick gold chain around her neck and then would try to cover it her 'sari pallu' in busy public places!!!

Anyway, this incident had also scared me a bit as my parents stay alone there. I am not quite worried about my in-laws place which is in the same locality as their shop runs in the ground floor and the whole house has almost 6-7 workers and helpers alongwith my parent-inlaws.

What is your opinion about gold jewellery??